I'll Sleep When I Die.

happy birthday to me.

2007-10-01T13:17:00.000+08:00

Thanks everyone. really thank you for going yesterday night. Well though it wasn't really how i expected the day will be. but the fact that you guys came did made me happy of coz. and i appreciate it. i just didn't want everyone to leave so early, i mean, i am selfish. but i just wanted to make my day a little more memorable? Well. Sorry for having such a high expectation. i mean, you guys did whatever u can right? i didn't expect u guys would stay, coz i know everyone wants to go home early. i wan to say that i really dun blame anyone or whatsoever. but im just saying what i would've wanted. it's fine if i dun get it, you know. it's just my own selfish little expectation anyway. and sorry about that. i guess i must really thank sally and dian, though they wont be reading this. thanks for staying with me. I guess u guys understood what i was thinking or feeling, and accompanied me huh. heh. thanks. =) i just didn't want to go home early, especially on my birthday. i must say it was kinda dissappointing to see everyone leaving, one by one of coz, but that's only becoz i want u guys to stay, especially her... everyone was like looking at me when she left. i really didn't want to show any emotions at that moment. i just looked away. coz i know, no matter how i would've wanted, it's only fair that i respect everyone, and let everyone enjoy themselves. didn't wanna spoil anything at all.

but dun worry, u guys did great. i appreciate it.

sorry for being so..
sorry for having the high expectation
sorry for being such a jerk, making you unhappy at one point when msging because of my kinda rude tone.

Thank you everyone, i enjoyed. thanks for the present, and those food she gave me. didn't expect it too, but i kinda like it. =) and the badges, despite how u hated beatles eh? and the cds, thanks guys!

"happy birthday.. to me."

~Kaze

well, birthday's just another day...

Bye bye. =/

2007-09-26T18:57:00.000+08:00

~Closed~

...for now.
nth to say.

~Kaze

it used to be better..
when you didn't know i have a blog?

Last post.

2007-09-16T23:50:00.000+08:00

this family doesn't feel like one.
at least not now.

i really hate seeing them shouting at each other.
even worst, throwing things around,

getting hit on the outside is nothing.
the pain witnessing all these is the vital one.

i wished i was borned in a wealthy family, well who wouldn't.
i wished i didn't have to worry so much about my future.

why do i have to end the day with such bad mood.
my eyes are already swollen.
i shouldn't cry anymore.
i wish there's something to make me cheer up again...

~Kaze

thats why i don't fucking care about everything.
i'm sick of it.

zhu.

2007-09-16T20:01:00.000+08:00

zhu, i know sometimes it's hard to explain things. sorry for the words i used. i guess it made you think about it for the whole day. i know you'll tell me sooner or later. even if you don't, it's okay. but next time if you need someone to talk to, i'll still be there. always. i'm glad you decided to tell me your new blog address yourself. really glad. anyway, no matter what happens in the future, whether you want to let me know or not, it's alright. Just stay happy, for me. the least you can do. i'll be just as happy. =)

~pighead.

and buy me a better eye solution,
i'm still rubbing my eye as i type... =(

I just want to be with you.

2007-09-16T17:09:00.000+08:00

it's hard to be fine when you're not.
but to pretend that you're, it's twice as hard.

i just want to be with you.
im just a little bit confused.
do you like me?
do you miss me?
do you want to be with me?

i would've been gone by now if i've never tried.
but please be nice and grab on tight.
for this is the last time i'll believe we'll ever make it.

you don't have to hide your emotions from me.
if you love me just show it to me.
hug me if you miss me.
kiss me if you like me.
hold me tight and never let go if you want me so badly.

I'll never laugh at you,
that's for sure.
I'll do the same if i could,
just to be with you.

i can't imagine living without you.
but can you?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
vivo and sentosa brings back lots of memories...

i wish i could hold your hand again.

~Kaze
i'm down.

do you still like me?

It's all over but the crying.

2007-09-16T01:15:00.000+08:00

there're many things i wonder...
many things in my mind now.
should i say sad or happy?
i shouldn't have came in through that door.
i shouldn't have came in at all.
i hope it's not too late to walk out that door now.
it's cold outside.
but i know i'll feel the warmth just by looking back.

until the end,
there was still lies.
that cant be told.

i was just staying in the plato's cave all along.
no one to blame for the things i see.
anyway...was just an option.
i wished that day could've came sooner to fulfill my wish.

~Kaze

it's all about the right timing.....

can't sleep.

2007-09-15T12:22:00.000+08:00

i can't go to sleep.
forget it.
im going out.

~Kaze

what is it that's keeping me awake?

Be okay, zhu tou.

2007-09-15T09:52:00.000+08:00

i don't know what's going on.
but it's making me worry.
i know it's better for you to have some peace.
i just hope you're alright.
treat me like ur zhu tou,
i'm still willing to lend a listening ear.

~Kaze

don't tell me there's nothing.
but it's ok if you don't want to talk about it.
just be alright, k?

bleed like me?

2007-09-15T05:40:00.000+08:00

im only happy when it rains!
i know you can't appreciate it!

what is right and what is wrong.
what seems right may seems wrong in another's perspective.
it is simply a work of mind games.
why are people falling into the traps of the game of life?

just watched "invasion".
"my pig is not my pig."

played like a christmas toy...
getting all fuck'd up.

why are you holding tight to that ammunition of yours?
what is it that you're holding on?

what do you want?
it's a very straightforward question.
but how many people can actually answer that so straightforward.
what do you really want?

just calm down everyone...
i wish i could make you feel better.
i wish everything could be just fine.
i wish i could say good night.
but nevermind.

good night.
sleep early.

smile please. don't frown.

~Kaze

can you bleed like me?

sorry. pls rest well. =(

2007-09-13T00:19:00.000+08:00

"is it wrong to be selfish occasionally, to make yourself feel happy once in a while?"
you know, to be able to see you everyday is my everyday wish.
but a wish is a wish, it may never come true all the time.
thats why it's called a wish.
and i cherish it everytime it came true.
i just wanna spend more time with you while i can.

anyway, just wanna say thanks.
for staying to help me with my work.
feel kinda guilty looking at the countless times you fell asleep.
didn't know you didn't slept yesterday.
next time try not to ask you for help le.
sigh.
Sorry...
rest well
i wanna see a zhu tou full of energy...=)

~Kaze

selfish me.

I don't know!

2007-09-11T21:53:00.001+08:00

things are always kept hidden away. perhaps i felt better saying it out. but then i start to feel the guilt i used to felt again. it's really hard to convey a message without knowing how the person will feel later on. im getting really tired. too tired to try anything. the more i talk about it, the more i realised how impossible it is to be like before. and sometimes, perhaps love is not really about two people, but everything about the two people, compatabilities plays a big part too. and when you think about it, you feel so much inferior. although they say it's the opposites that attracts. i know if things goes on the same way it does now, nothing will be fulfilled. nothing will change. it's always just me hearing those unfriendly phrase. no one's ever happy to hear those things. no one will be. no one will like to see the back of someone you like to disappear so fast without any warnings. no one likes silence. everyone wants to be cared by someone. if only it's always the case... the most difficult thing is to live your life with both happy and unhappy stuff going on at the same time. it's hard to juggle. and you feel so much worst than just sadness. coz you don't know what you're feeling. you became stuck in-between a real and surreal world. Perhaps this story should just be ended. There's always so much i want to say. but im not good with words, whatever language it may be. i try to put these things deep down and smile. at least i know my smile can make others happier. aarrrhhhh..! sigh... if you ask me what's going on, i wouldn't know either. i'm just feeling so "filled"? i just know i ain't happy.

~Kaze

I've stopped crying,
why does my eye hurts so much then?

bored. '-_-'

2007-09-09T15:03:00.000+08:00

hmmm... it's 3.02pm. i havent done a thing. been looking at some singapore related webby. but still no idea. how should my logo look like? i really don't know how. sigh. im so bored at home, locked in my room. just wished i can hav a pet or something. at least i will have someone to talk to and wouldn't be so bored. yea yea i know, talking to a pet? hmm well better than no one la. maybe thats why i like to do work together with other people. im on low batt. zzz. please charge me bah. =/ xie xie. =

~Kaze

( '@' )? what are you doing..?

when we were just friends...

2007-09-09T01:21:00.000+08:00

hai......was deleting some messages. and saw a message which i kept for a few months. it was a message i sent out. reminded me of many things. makes me wonder how things become the way it is now. small little details that tell so much. the way we talk. the way we no longer talk about almost anything. the way we used to had not much to hide. the way we talk on the phone. the way two good friend were. the way we kinda wanted to see each other. hmmm...i guess i kinda miss the times when we were really good friends.

as for school, let's not talk about it today. =)

~Kaze

your little fingers.

am i not creative?

2007-09-08T08:37:00.000+08:00

AAAAAAAArrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i dunno what photos to take. i havent come up with a logo. i need to redo my p.o.p and i have to make 2 opposite creative journal by tuesday. im soooo dead. =.="'

rain please don't stop. i wanna take photo! i need a model. zzzzzz...

and...
im hungry again.
someone buy me food lei,
im waiting =P

~Kaze

our story ended.

blank page.

2007-09-07T23:09:00.000+08:00

"i wished there's a cook book for life. and the recipe will tell us what to do next."

what do you call a blank page which could never be filled?
you simply call it "a blank page".
you can't describe everything.

~Kaze

i feel like...
a blank page.

filling up.

2007-09-07T07:13:00.000+08:00

how i wish i can play this melody on my blog now. it's beautifully sad.
im so tired.
i don't know what's happened since then,
there's something different.
i've never liked the way you walk away.
but it seems like im seeing this repetitive thing everyday now.
well those days were over. i know.
and it's time to let go.

does anyone knows why i like boat quay so much? the clearest thing i could remember was me, sitting near the river thinking about her two days before the 21st. i remember it was a monday. i remember i was drinking. i remember how those messages got me so happy. i remember kncoking onto a glass door on that day. and the scar never disappear on my left hand. and it was since that day, she knew i like going there. the reason was never clear to me either. but now i guess the reason was her.

~Kaze

you're filling up my mind.

make my day.

2007-09-06T16:33:00.000+08:00

a bad bad day i'm having.
first the lecturer say my work's terrible.
which practically "made my day".
guess i'm taking it to emotionally?
everyone seems fine and happy having to redo.
well i just hate to do 3D.
especially dealing with things that tear so easily.
and then now the whole piece just tore apart as i'm going home.
and the hot weather is making it worst.
And just when i thought i could go catch a movie and relax abit,
well they were all tired i guess.
i am too.
i just don't wanna waste my time like this.
life is short.
i want to see more things.

well somehow,
you never fail to make my worries go away.
everytime i look at you.
glad you're there today.
if only you were always there.

i guess im gonna take a quick shower and go walk around myself.
boat quay maybe. =P it calms me down.
and then, hope to cheer up abit. heh heh.

~Kaze

perhaps we're just parallel lines.
but i'll turn 0.1mm towards you,
and we'll meet someday.

For no one.

2007-09-06T01:37:00.000+08:00

Your day breaks, your mind aches
You find that all the words of kindness linger on

When she no longer needs you

She wakes up, she makes up
She takes her time and doesn't feel she has to hurry

She no longer needs you

And in her eyes you see nothing
No sign of love behind the tears
Cried for no one
A love that should have lasted years!

You want her, you need her
And yet you don't believe her when she said her
love is dead

You think she needs you

And in her eyes you see nothing
No sign of love behind the tears
Cried for no one
A love that should have lasted years!

You stay home, she goes out
She says that long ago she knew someone but now
he's gone

She doesn't need him

Your day breaks, your mind aches
There will be time when all the things she said
will fil your head

you won't forget her

And in her eyes you see nothing
No sign of love behind the tears
Cried for no one
A love that should have lasted years!

more than enough said.

~Kaze

Why don't you believe?
She no longer needs you.

i should have known.

2007-09-04T22:54:00.000+08:00

i should have known.
seems like it's time to wake up. stop dreaming.
i guess it's true you do have alot of guardian angel around you.
something we wanted so much but never get it.
give me just one and i would've cherish it.
waiting just for a chance to see you.
do you call that 'silly' or 'crazy'?
i guess i'm just silly.

~Kaze

"but i was so crazy about you, i didn't mind."

2 years is short.

2007-09-03T01:05:00.000+08:00

first i went out with a low batt phone, then i can't seem to settle down doing my work. havent really do anything this weekend. and while walking home, it just started to rain all of a sudden. well im fine with the rain, but my laptop... anyway, got all wet. and i mean wet.

am i too stress or wad? im not even doing anything.

i seriously don't want to go to school.
i don't look forward to tomorrow's photography presentation coz i seriously don't quite like those photos i took. and still, stupid lecturer said each week will be more strict. fuck it la.

just fuck it. everything also nv do. think i'll just skip tuesday's lessons.

There's nothing more i'm looking forward to...

"2 years is short.
will i be able to see you then..?"

"don't ask me why i like you.
i just do."

~Kaze

im not good at reading minds.

please come back.

2007-09-01T22:03:00.000+08:00

it was somewhat like this or whatsoever. but not quite.
it was not the same. will it ever be back?

"you never know when is your last. so you should just cherish every moment like it is."

yawning...like a baby (-. -)..zzZ
heh heh.

~Kaze

wake me up when september ends.

imagine.

2007-09-01T04:17:00.000+08:00

Do we walk the same road down?
are we heading the same direction?
will we end up in the same place?
are we feeling the same way we used to feel..?

recently, i often imagine different way of dying.
i imagine being knocked down by a bus,
i imagine being runover by a train,
i imagine falling off a building,
i imagine waking up one day, and realised that,
I'm dead.

~Kaze

let it be our happiest day.

forget.

2007-08-31T10:51:00.000+08:00

this whole week has been a lifeless week for me. going for photo shoot later. anyone wants to accompany me? it will be quite boring though. i just realise listening chinese songs can also make me quite emo. haha. suddenly, got a bad feeling about something.
"i like talking to you, even though you practically counter whatever i said, which is pretty irritating. -.-' i just love the sight of you."
i wanna be happy, one month from now.
will you, or anyone be happy then?
~Kaze

I've got a very small memory space,
but i never forget the things you said.

she bu de ni... =/

2007-08-28T21:51:00.000+08:00

uploaded some chinese songs. i like "sha tan" and "wo men de gu shi".
today, all i understand from the lessons is only the word "concept".
and it's so hard to come up with one.
my mind's always off somewhere.
dreaming away.
nothing much to talk about...
it seems like there's only one thing motivating me to go school.
you.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

zhen me yang cai neng rang shi jian dao liu...?

hate to say goodbye. hate to let you go.

it took me 2 seconds to say 'bye'.

i used it to think of you.

~Kaze

whenever you walk away,
i'm always having this feeling i can't explain.

words from memories.

2007-08-28T00:53:00.000+08:00

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

today, i presented the 3 photos. not the 3 above, but another 3. well, i know i shivered and shaked abit and i'm sure my presentation was kinda blur. but i'm glad sally said she understood and that she liked one part of what i said. something about, not seeing this person for 3 months yet that photo just portrayed that farmiliar smile I've had in mind from my memories. well perhaps the presentation was blur, but it's really what i wanted to say, therefore, conveying that message was easy. haha. dunno what i'm talking. anyway, these photos are my first time taking and washing my own photos. and i guess thats why i like these photos so much.

did work at sally's house. though didn't do much and i think tmrw dun nid present le la. until late in the night, then i thought of a concept. was writing away, when i'm asked a question. and so, the conversation sent me thinking lots and lots. stoning emotionally. haha. anyway, after what have been said, i think i should at least be glad for the way it is now. at least it helped me to be sure of certain things. =)

~Kaze

and i still remember some things you said.

where's the rewind button?

2007-08-27T00:35:00.000+08:00

today went for photo shooting. glad to have zhu tou no.2 as my model. these are a few accidental shots which i like. not used for my project. but maybe will include in my photojournal if possible. see how. anyway, xie xie ni, zhu tou!

you, made me like you...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

sometimes, you know you're trying your best, you know everything seems ok on one glance. but deep inside, you just feel that it's different. perhaps you're the only one that hasn't moved on. not only miracle, but everything else happen only once. the next time, it will be different. it's just not the same. no more smiles that're smiling at you. no more sweet little words slotted into parts of a sms, just to let one know, "i'm thinking of you". no more warm caring words to send one's heart melting like an ice cube... i guess this will all have to happen only inside my dream from now on... dream of sweet memories.
and i wonder how come it's so hard?
nothing has changed......right?
anyway, zhi yao ni kai xin jiu hao la...

~Kaze

you, made me love you...

2007-08-26T01:39:00.000+08:00

suddenly feel like watching sunrise.

~Kaze

I'm just tired.

do you miss me?

2007-08-24T22:25:00.000+08:00

What if your mind is off somewhere, thinking of someone, and you get hit by a car? how does it feel like? I think that there'll be no pain, but fear. A fear that the someone will vanish from your mind. perhaps i imagine getting knocked down by a car too much. and imagination became reality. my mind was off somewhere. didn't know what i was thinking. i looked at it and still i walked towards it. In that one second, before fully awake from 'dreaming', all i could see in my mind was someone. someone who've always been in my mind but never so clear. how does it feel like to be the last person on earth? all i needed was a little more care. whispering through my ears. a little hug to keep me from cold. a little look from the eyes that says "i'm missin' you." all these just to put a smile on my face, through the night, in my dream.
do you still think of me like you used to?

~Kaze

put down all your ammunition,
give me a hug.

I smiled.

2007-08-23T22:48:00.000+08:00

How to know if someone is really in love with you and not just playing games? Truth is, you just won't know the answer. There's no way to tell, and no way to know, but then again, is there a need? Why worry about that? Enjoy being together while you are together. When you're in love, love to the fullest. It is a fiction. But everyone need fiction. If you have loved totally, there is no question. One day if the lover leaves, that simply means now our ways are parting. We can say goodbye, we can be thankful to each other. When you don't need the other, you can love, and that love will not bring misery. Going beyond needs, demands, desires, love becomes a very soft sharing, a great understanding. To be free from the past and future is to taste freedom for the first time. And in that experience one becomes whole, healthy, all wounds are healed.

Understanding these things made me understand that we need not "force" anything, no matter how much I wanted it. Just let it flow itself. No demands, no desire, no need, in that, I will be able to enjoy love, be it together or not. =)

Headache. again. hope i get sweet dreams tonight... haha. long time no have le. really long.

~Kaze

If you are simply smiling for no reason at all,
people will think something is loose in your head--
why are you smiling? Why are you looking so happy?

Feel alone.

2007-08-23T00:45:00.000+08:00

Is there a difference between aloneness and loneliness? Yes, there is. Aloneness is to be self-contained, and not in-need of another. And to be alone doesn't mean loneliness. Loneliness takes place when you feel that everyone's with everyone and why are you left out? But why feel lonely when you can feel alone? Aloneness doesn't mean you can't be with another. You can, but it just means you are not in need of another. You know yourself better by knowing another. Being alone is a beauty. Have you ever stand in the crowd and still feel "lonely"? Yes, from one point of view, it is loneliness. But you could've closed your eyes and listen carefully to your surrounding and you will hear the birds singing, a clock ticking, and you can differenciate different kinds of footsteps made by different kinds of shoes. You can open your eyes and pay attention to every small details around you. And that is a beauty. That is aloneness. Real loves do happen, and that is when you can achieve aloneness, when you are not in need of another. Can you? Aloneness and loneliness, they are so close yet so different. Feel alone, not lonely. =)

headache, headache, headache... =/

~Kaze

hmmm, so how was that train ride?
hahaha. =P

Aloneness

2007-08-22T08:50:00.000+08:00

Football

"I don't see any point in it. Why unnecessarily hit the football from here and there? There is no point. And even if you make the goal, so what? What is achieved out of it? And if these people love making goals so much, then rather than having one football, have eighteen footballs. Give everybody one, and he makes as many goals as he wants, nobody prevents him. Let them have goals to their hearts' content! This way it is too difficult--why make it unnecessarily difficult?

I don't understand, that by creating hindrances and preventing people . . . They fall and they have fractures and all kinds of nonsense. And not only that--when there are matches, thousands of people gather to see them. It seems these people don't know that life is so short--and they are watching a football match! And they are so excited, jumping, shouting--to me, it is absolutely neurotic. I would rather sit under my tree."

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The old woman watched her grandson eat his soup with the wrong spoon, grasp his knife by the wrong end, eat the main course with his hands, and pour tea into the saucer and blow on it.
"Hasn't watching your mother and father at the dinner table taught you anything?" she asked.
"Yes," said the boy, chewing with his mouth open, "never to get married."

~Kaze

life, love, they're all fictions.
but you need fiction.

i just want to say,

2007-08-21T09:46:00.001+08:00

exactly half a year has gone by since that day. yea...i do feel sad. half a year passed by so fast. to think that half a year ago, i made a post about the happiest day of my life. hah. half a year later... to be fair, i guess this post will be the saddest day of my life. half a year seems short. and it doesn't change anything, the way i see it. i still feel the same way i did six months ago. it's early in the morning, and i'm just about to start the day. but with no directions. still remember how excited i was that day. and the day just feel so short. waiting seems longer than usual, coz i can't wait to see her. saying goodbye that day wasn't very hard, coz i know i'm gonna see her again. I guess the important thing is it was an enjoyable day. people say the more you think about it, the more you start to forget all about it. don't think that's true. anyway, i should start looking into things that'll cheer me up, though i'm still trying my best to find one. waiting on love ain't so easy to do.
that's it. i'm signing out. before tears start coming out. hah. =) don't bother checking back again bah.

~Kaze

and i just want to say,
i miss you. =/

let it be lost in the well...

2007-08-20T18:22:00.000+08:00

forget. forget. just forget it!

stop. stop. just stop everything!

what am i feeling? Nothing. I'm fine!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I just want to scream.

stop feeling that way! feel like taking out my heart and give it a good scolding.

knock your head against the wall and wake up!

hmmm... and i wonder when my dad's gonna run out of pocket money to give me.

anyway, no point telling a computer about it. it's just my sad stuff. and it's kinda silly.

no motivation to do work...

ninja on!
*poof!*
zzz... =.="'

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And then you wonder how it all came about?
It's too late now there's no gettin' out.
You fell in love, and love is the tender trap......

~Kaze

how should i tell you how i feel,
when words are only sound......?

I'm a monster!

2007-08-19T19:25:00.000+08:00

Was buying and buying lots of food, and suddenly I realised that... I tend to eat alot when I'm not in a good mood. Perhaps the only thing that can calm me down is to keep eating.
When I see a car, I feel like hammering its window.
When I see someone blocking my way, I feel like strangling him/her.
When people talk so damn loud on the bus, I feel like glueing their lips together.
When I get irritated by stupid noises caused by other people while reading in a library, I feel like killing them.
When I see the soccer field's empty, I feel like kicking a ball so damn hard that it tear apart, though I know I'm not good with balls.
But strangely, when I see a cat, I feel like hugging it.
Ahhhhhhhhhh~~~!
Help!
I'm wierd.

Currently consuming a nicely made Cheezy BBQ melt, a Mash potato, A chicken wing, a curry puff, and two donuts, with a cup of pepsi. =)

I didn't know I can eat that much. Well at least not in a regular basis, but nowadays...

Take what's left of this heart and use
Please use only what you really need
You know I only have so little
So please
Mend your broken heart and leave

-----------------------------------------

Situation Number one
Its the one that's just begun
But evidently its too late
Situation Number two
Its the only chance for you
It's controlled by denisons of hate
Situation Number three
It's the one that no one sees
All too often dismissed as fate
Situation Number four
The one that left you wanting more
Tantalized you with its bait

~Kaze

I don't wanna be your regret.
I'd rather be your cocoon.

Pigheadache.

2007-08-18T22:09:00.000+08:00

Ever had a kind of feeling when you're so close to someone, yet still missin' this person so much?

This pig head is having headache.
But just can't sleep.

think there's something wrong with my eye today. everything seems so yellowish. feel so heavy on the neck. hmmm... aiya think i'll be fine tmrw. hope. =/

anyway, got the best medicine i can have today. so...

Perhaps I know it seems impossible,
But I guess I just want to enjoy every moment I can have now.
Nothing else really matters...
just friends or not?
i guess happiness comes first...

~Kaze

keep letting the water flow,
it will eventually dry up one day.

I've used up all my time.

2007-08-15T21:08:00.000+08:00

Today's activities :
After school, called everyone. No one.
Bought bubble tea.
Walk around.
Went library.
Listen to music at HMV.
Sat at esplanade.
Took a bus home.
Bought two small boxes of cake, A few sushi, and a packet of instant noodles.
Sat down eating the noodles,
Telling a pentium 4 about the stupid life I'm having.

and by the way, just gotta say, that SHOW magazine layout sucks! You call that a design? Maybe...
But I like mine better.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"The same old place I've been.
The same old carpet I've sat on.
The same old book I've read.
The same old steps I took.
But it don't feel the same anymore,
without you sitting by my side.

I wonder why is it that sometimes,
our messages just can't get to each other.
I wonder why is it that sometimes,
I can never know what you're thinking.
I wonder how much time have I used up,
just to think of you."

~Kaze

Fate? maybe.
Time doesn't flies, for today.

The thing I missed.

2007-08-07T00:14:00.000+08:00

Today went out with shida, shairul, yj, xin ning. Well I was the only person on time. =.="' Anyway, we walked around, joke around and we ate soeul garden. And as usual, I ate alot. Shai kept saying he never see me stopping since we came in. I was either cooking or eating. Haha, quite true. And the ice cream was nice, the ice kachang overflowed. zzz... Then we watched the movie "flashpoint", and they kept saying "pi piak pi piak" after the show, which actually meant the sound of the punches and all those moves. Well, then we walked to the new campus to look around and end the day there. It has always been hard to say "goodbye" for me. Especially when I know it will be some time till I see that person. I mean, well, I will still see them in the campus, but, it's just not the same anymore. Perhaps get together some time and go out together and so on, but, it's not an everyday thing anymore.

I wanted to slow down time, or freeze it. And perhaps live in that time for a week. But it will never be enough. And so, goodbye. Take care, everyone. =)

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Hmmm, and so you know, I was just on time to reach home and switch on my monitor, and saw the msg you sent me. Just nice, my sis seems to have logged into my account, if not, perhaps I'll just go to sleep.

Yeah, I know perhaps you will be reading my blog still. That's why I carried on blogging despite the fact that I kept saying I wanted to close it down. I know you have not forgotten. Yeah, still not old despite of your white hair la. haha. Perhaps it's just that sometimes I just wonder, how some people can forget so easily. That particular day wasn't a very good day for me, despite I took a walk along the "I-so-longed-to-go" boat quay. It just got worst after I reached home, facing my computer, talking to someone. It was a day which I finally got someone to talk to and I let it all out. Perhaps that explains the post, saying some stupid stuff. That night wasn't easy for me, but it made me feel better the following day.

Well I couldn't forget anything...but now I'd prefer to remember it. I know you'll remember too. No need for us to say. Whatever it is, we can't rewind time, but I'll remember every moment it took for me to get here. It will be wrapped nicely and put inside a corner of my heart. I hope I'll do just fine and I'll always be wishing you well, even if you're far away. So, take care. Goodbye. =)

It's been a while since I heard that "two words". The only "thing" I missed.

*Sweating like hell* betta go bathe now.

~Zhu tou

I enjoyed every moment I could remember.
I missed my zhu tou...
Safe trip home. =)

What is love anyway?

2007-08-05T14:17:00.000+08:00

The thing about memories sometimes...
The more you think about it, the more it becomes blur to you.

The thing about time...
You can slow it down if you want. You can even freeze it if you like.
But you can't rewind.

Once upon a time, I wanted to know what love was.
Love is there if you want it to be.
You just have to see that it's wrapped in beauty
and hidden away between the seconds of your life.
If you don't stop for a minute,
you might miss it.

I'm moving on, till I'm needed to stop again.

~Kaze

Nothing to worry. Just smile. =)

Songs in my heart.

2007-08-04T02:11:00.000+08:00

"loving someone doesn't make them love you."
"waitin' on love ain't so easy to do."

Simply like this two lines from a song.

"Just sitting, wishing."

Sometimes I wish I could sing. and that I could play the guitar. And then play the guitar, singing to the girl I like. Haha. Or simply just singing into the air, sitting near the beach. Well, but I know I'm not musically talented. haha. so... I'm better off daydreaming. Being a dreamer is much easier. =)

I don't know la, but for me, I think the best gift would be a song. Best if it's self-composed. If someone is to sing me a song, my heart will melt man... Haha... It doesn't have to have very good music, I just want a good lyrics. When I listen to a song, I often look at the lyrics and sing with it. That's how I appreciate a piece of music. That's why when most people talk to me about what they called "Music", I practically switched off. Especially songs like "my humps" or "umbrella", stupidiest songs I've ever heard in my life. I don't know what the lyrics is about, but I'm not interested to know either. It's practically a piece of junk if you ask me. You don't even know what she's singing. And perhaps the singers themselves don't even know what they're singing most of the time. Just follow the music and make those repeated words/sounds. *Note* I don't call those lyrics. They're just words or sound, repeated for a few times to form what others called "music". To me, they're more of "sound" than "music". So don't be surprise if anyone sees me getting so pissed and frustrated all of a sudden outside when I heard these "sounds".

School's starting soon. Somehow, I'm not looking forward to it. Don't think le. spoil my mood to even think of it.

Tomorrow, most likely I'm gonna get pissed off with someone. She never fails to piss me off everytime I speak with her. That's why I tried not to speak to her so much. And tomorrow? Have to change our dining place because of her. But anyway, I saw that coming. Expected.

I think I'm getting more and more sensitive towards people's words. catching small little details of words they say.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nothing to say le. I'm just confused at what I'm feeling right now. or rather, all along. Perhaps it's a feeling that you can only achieve when you really don't care about anything anymore. Just wanna see her happy bah. You know, when I see her, I didn't just see her. I feel her.

Maybe that's why.
I want to feel happy. =)

~Kaze

I've always had songs in my heart for you,
just waiting for you to put it together.

Sitting, waiting, wishing.

2007-08-03T15:40:00.000+08:00

Arhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

I can't stand myself! Getting so hot-tempered so easily. Dammit. I wasn't like this before!
Calm down pls!

Sigh.

Just so frustrated. Everything's not right. fuck.

Good thing there's still my music to calm me down.

I'm hungry. 3:45pm I havent eat anything. how I wish got ppl buy food for me. haha. dream on. -.-"'

I really don't wanna be thinking anything related. It's making me change, for the worst i'm afraid. Just kill me if you see me stoning next time. zzz. =.="'

Sigh...anyway, wherever you are, take care. I don't care if anyone forgotten anything anymore. I just wanna wish for everyone to be well. you too. Enjoy your vacation. All the best to the new school term. =)

~Kaze

Can anyone cook me some food? I will give you a kiss! haha.

Where are you?

2007-08-03T01:04:00.000+08:00

Tonight, I took a walk along clark quay and boat quay.

The scenery was beautiful. saw alot of different people. Then I settle down at the bridge at boat quay. I sat on the bridge, looking at the boat travelling below, above the dark water which is lighted up by the beautiful lights around.

Why do people have secrets? And if you have a secret, please keep it as a secret. It makes people wonder...

What do I really want? What I want is not possible. I just know it, even though it hasn't been said. Perhaps you've made a wise decision. I respect that and so... But did I really did the wrong thing? I don't know. I just couldn't forget you, honestly. I don't need anyone to know. Coz I didn't try to remember on purpose. I just couldn't. Perhaps it really means alot to me. But it seems like it's a different case on your side. I'm just wondering, have you erased those memories? It's easy? Teach me. Please mend my broken heart.

Where are you, I wonder. We've grew so far apart I don't even know where you are now. Wherever you are, I wish you well. Just smile. Coz your smile is the one thing I haven't forgotten, something I would like to see everyday if I could.

Do you remember when we first met?

I sure do.

~Kaze

I took a picture that I don't like to look at...

Would you be happier?

2007-08-01T13:32:00.000+08:00

There're two sides to everyone.

Ever realised that there's one certain side of a certain person you liked so much, yet you kinda dislike the person in another way?

But of course, most of the time, that dislike part, plays only a small role.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sometimes, "what if" is all I think of.
What if I've gone ahead with my studies at temasek poly?
What if there're certain things I didn't do, will I have happier classmates?
What if I wasn't in this class, and I didn't met her, will she be happier?
Perhaps...
But when I think of it, I really don't wish for all these "what if" to come true.

Sigh...stupid me,
To think of all those things.
But sometimes when you have some flashbacks of your memory,
you think to yourself,
for that moment in your flashback,
"She could've been happier."
"Everyone could've been..."

Smiles... =)

"It's enough to make me cry,
But that doesn't seems like it'll make it feel better.
Maybe it's a dream and if I scream, it will burst at the seams.
Whole place would fall into pieces.
and then they'd say
"well how could we have known?"
i'll tell them its not so hard to tell.
you keep adding stones,
soon the water will, be lost in the well."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Sitting, waiting, wishing"

Now I was sitting waiting wishing
you believed in superstitions
Then maybe you'd see the signs
But Lord knows that this world is cruel
And I ain't the Lord, no I'm just a fool
And in loving somebody don't make them love you

Must I always be waiting waiting on you?
Must I always be playing playing the fool?

I sing ya songs I dance a dance
I gave ya friends all a chance
Putting up with them wasn't worth never having you
And maybe you been through this before
But its my first time
So please ignore
The next few lines cause they're directed at you

I cant always be waiting waiting on you
I cant always be playing playing your fool
I keep playing your cards
But its not my scene
Wont this plot not twist?
I have no place to read?
Keep building me up, then shooting me down
Well im already down
Just wait a minute
Just sitting waiting
Just wait a minute
Just sitting waiting

Well if I was in your position
I'd put down all my ammunition
I'd wondered why'd it taken me so long
But Lord knows that I'm not you
And If I was I wouldn't be so cruel
Cause waiting on love ain't so easy to do

Must I always be waiting waiting on you?
Must I always be playing playing the fool?
No I cant always be waiting waiting on you
I cant always be playing playing your fool, foool

~Kaze

I like it when you smile...

Am I alright?

2007-08-01T01:20:00.000+08:00

My last day working at action city, for now...

Went for supper with everyone, except for one extra, joanna's husband. Spoiling the fun. Still didn't manage to take a photo of everyone. Joanna's not inside. Sigh. And the two photos the rest of us took together, isn't very nice. I hope we had more time. I hope it wasn't just supper. I hope we can have more fun. No one rushing home, had all the time we need to take a perfect picture. But well... nevermind.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What if you have an extra 8 hours each day? What if you can't fall asleep? What would you do?

I remembered there were days I just couldn't fall asleep. The moment I lied on my bed, things start to float around my mind. I know I'm tired. But those stuff kept me awake.

Now that I have so much free time, should I even spend them sleeping? It's wasting time. What should I do tomorrow? Well I wanted this break. I just don't know what to do with it. Walking around town area... wandering about the same few places. It's kinda boring. If there's a nice movie showing right now, perhaps I will try watching a movie alone for the first time. I don't know what's that feeling. With no one around you that you know. You watch a comedy, you laughed alone. You watch a tragedy, you cry alone. You watch a thriller, you grow excitement alone. You watch a horror, you jump up of your chair alone.

Every day, I sigh...before I start my day.
Every night, I sigh...before I go to bed.

I haven't had any dream for quite some time.
It would be great if any sweet little dream stop by one of these days.
Please, sweet ones. I don't wanna cry sleeping... Haha.

Sigh...

~Kaze

Am I alright?

Bus, stopped

2007-07-30T03:02:00.000+08:00

There was this man, sitting at the back of the bus, on his way back home. He knew it will take another 1 hour for him to reach home. It was a waste of time taking bus, some might say. But to him, it's part of his thinking process. Perhaps he felt secure, safe. He prefered bus, than train.

He used to look out of the window, looking at tons of red light passing by him. And occasionally, finds himself looking at couples, holding hands, walking down the streets. He wasn't jealous. It wasn't envy either. He was thinking of something else.

Today, he didn't get to sit beside the windows. So after staring at all the people on this crowded bus, he started to wonder. He wasn't thinking of anything himself, he was guessing what the other passangers were thinking, paying extra attention to people who's on their own.

"Oh, I'm so exhausted... I'm falling asleep..."

"Hmmm, how long more till I reach home...?"

"I wonder what time is it now?"

"Stop pushing, will you?"

"Oh my god, you stink!"

Within a quick 5 minutes, there were already many possibilities he thought of. It's actually quite fun. To look at the faces of people, the body-language, paying attention to their dressing, their age, their gender. Then try to guess what they are thinking. It felt as though you're able to read people's mind. There're tons of possibilities, and therefore, it feels like he's controlling the minds of people.

Being a thinker, the bad thing is... Time flies. But the good thing is that you're the pilot.

One by one, the passengers alighted. At the back of the bus, is the clearest view you can get. At the back of the bus, nobody sees you, but you see everybody. At the back of the bus, you'll reach a bus stop half a second later than everyone. At the back of the bus, you could see him smile. He found another way to fight his enemy, Time. It's something only a bus trip can offers. Yet, many do not understand this. Upon boarding a bus, we practically switched off. Ever thought of how we could have put this 1 dollar 38 cents and 1 hour to better use?

Finally, he reached the end of his bus trip. Upon alighting, he saw people waiting for the bus of the same number, same route. He paused for a second. In this second, he thought of numerous questions he could thought of. Questions like, "Where are they going?" "how will they spend their 1 hour?"

And, as he walked passed them, there was only one thing in his mind, "I hope they sit at the back of the bus......"

On a bus, you see different people, heading different places, in the same direction. You see different expressions. You see tired faces, exhausted faces, sad faces, smiling faces, and some with no expressions, like one of mine. You'll see tired faces knocking against the back of the seat or the window. Exhausted faces desperately looking for a seat. Sad faces staring mindlessly to the "outer world". Smiling faces abandoning unhappiness. Every few minutes, one or two faces leaves the bus, and new faces replace them. This place where this replacement takes place is what they called, "Bus-stop". It's always filled up with people but it's actually the most "empty" place on earth. No one stays there forever.

Is it our human nature to question? Are we stubborn or are we persistant? I don't really know.
But I know that this man, who've sat at the back of the bus, thinking of so much, so much that a bus trip could offer. It's not because he's smart. It's not because he's mad. It's not because he's a thinker. It was something else.

He's lonely.
He's me.

~Kaze

How are you?

The Last Saturday.

2007-07-29T03:02:00.000+08:00

Sigh...

Everyone looked forward to today's celebration. Everyone's dressed up. Lot's of make-up, especially for my in-charge. But I was soooo... disappointed to hear that it's cancelled, due to the delay for their pay and will only receive on monday. Sigh. Didn't really show, but I'm actually quite disappointed. But well... So I suggested to just go for movie. At first only two weren't able to go. But then, later, one by one weren't going too. Leaving just me and the other part-timer, tian soon. But I really didn't wanna go home just like that. So we ended up watching movie by ourselves. How sad. Haha. But betta than nothin' I guess...

Anyway, we did have a supper together before the movie. I mean everyone, except for Joanna. And yea, we took some photos, except for Joanna, yet again. *Her stupid "husband"*

Here are some photos we took together. I still didn't take a photo of everyone inside. Sigh. Next time bah... And one more thing, I think Serene, my in-charge look different in photos. Haha, not saying she look bad in real-life lah, but just... betta in photos. hahaha.

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Haha... Toot toot de Tian Soon... haha... =P

Marinah, Me, and Tian soon. =)

Haha I forgot my camera was on Close-up mode. Ended up, become so closed-up. Anyway, this is me and my in-charge, Serene. Don't be decieved by her looks. She's fierce... HAHA!=)

Aiyo, that Tian Soon spoilt the picture la, stand closer ma, and smile please?
If not nice nice one sia. ZZZ. =.="'

Haha, nice positioning... hehe. =0

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sigh... I'll miss them. Surely. Really wanted to have a proper farewell celebration. Haha. But it's ok la. Still got chance one. And Tuesday is my actual last day actually. Tomorrow and monday off. So one more day seeing them, and bye bye. I guess after I bid them goodbye, these two weeks, I'll be feeling damn lonely bah. Just like my off day. Coz really can't get anyone out and as days passed by... I've also gotten tired of asking each and everyone and get rejected by every single soul I could find. I guess, that's why I sometimes prefer to go out on my own. Coz I have only myself to compromise. Wherever I wanna go, whatever I wanna do, I just had to ask myself. Sigh... I know all these are just said to make myself feel better. But at least it will make me feel better... and perhaps... cry lesser. Haha.

I'm missing alot of things. I missed stuff I did during sec school days. I missed going for movie mania every saturday during Outback days. I missed going to sally's house, and just chill... relax... and stand alone at the balcony, looking out, thinking of stuff. And then, I guess...I still miss her...

When can I let go. I don't know.

......my vision are blurring. I can't write anymore. Good night.

Till I met you...

2007-07-27T01:34:00.001+08:00

Today went to watch a french movie... La Vie en Rose... Story based on true life story of Edith Piaf, a famous singer in paris and america. Well, having sat through the whole 140 mins, all I can say is that she has a gifted voice and I really like her songs, but again, her life's a tragedy...

Soon, 3 months sure was fast. If someone was to ask about my holiday, I would say, "It's certainly not my happiest 3 months. In fact, it's my saddest 3 months. But in these 3 months, there were lots of stuff going through in my mind. A lot I'm feeling. Don't know how to put it, but at least these 3 months weren't the same as before. That's something different. And those walks on my own certainly got me thinking alot. Looking at my surroundings, the people, the place. Though bring back some old memories, but sure brought me new understanding towards certain things.

I never knew the night sky were so beautiful, with those stars shining brightly, till I met you.
I never knew what it's like to hold someone's hand walking under those stars, till I met you.
I never knew what it's like to feel as though I'm in a heavenly garden running about, till I met you.
I never knew what it's like to have so much guilt in me, till I cry in pain trying to balance it, till I met you.
I never knew how much is enough to keep me crying even after months, till I met you.
I never knew I can write like this, till I met you.

If I would die one day without knowing you, that would be my greatest regret.
And so, for now, I shall have no regret.
No regret...

~Kaze

You're something special...

Becoming a Soft toy. =)

2007-07-25T02:25:00.000+08:00

Perhaps I may feel bad... but i just don't like to be used. And don't like to be "using" others too.

Sigh... Have been doing alot of display in the shop these two days. Perhaps a little something before I'm gone. Have quite alot of fun today... Especially when a lizard crawl out of a pigeon hole display... and when I tried to look for it on the floor... I realised it's crawling out of my shirt... oh gross... And everyone just ran... haha even customer ran out of the shop... Wahaha!

Anyway, off for the next two days... Thanks for the break, but I'm really not tired... It's my last week le... actually I wanted to work more. But anyway, it may be a good thing too, to rest for two days. Have been having headache the whole day. Maybe not enough sleep. Aiya, but heck care la... just abit of headache won't die.

I want to become a soft toy... at least people will "Sayang" me... Haha. Wanna be hugged tightly, like how I hug Mokozi. Haha. And perhaps comb my hair... Carry me around... And most importantly, I can always smile... coz I carry only one expression. =)

Another day for a walk.

~Kaze

I'm huggable...while stock last. =)

"Reasons"

2007-07-24T02:40:00.000+08:00

People are the same...

"When you get to eat buffet... You just happily eat them all, mixing every dish... take your own sweet time to decide which is the one dish you want to make it your main... After a while, perhaps, one by one, the dishes have all been taken, no more. Then you go regreting why you didn't make that decision earlier. Or... Perhaps all dishes still remains... You told someone you like this dish so much... yet the next moment, you chuck this dish aside and happily chose the other one... without even the slightest "feeling" for that dish you once said you loved..."

Sometimes, I wonder why are people contradicting themselves... Then happily put the blame on something else... Happily treat it like nothing happened. Perhaps sometimes 9/10 things said were merely excuses... Yet, we trust these people and accept those "reasons". Then few months later... you think back and you sigh... thinking of how stupid you were to accept those "reasons". I mean, they might be true. Yet, there're just so much things that contradict with those "reasons". But then again...

Well, nothing really happened to me, just thinking... Life's full of excuses... I mean, is giving the real reason really so difficult? At least I will die without regret... HAHA. yeah, I guess I'm already dead without any regret.

I'm a fucking emotional creature... I think I've drowned my heart.

Last week working... gonna miss those people I'm working with. Let me count my friends... Sec sch friends, 3 recently just distanced due to some "reasons". 2 studying. Lasalle friends? Hah... Just take it that I went to the wrong class... Working friends... saying goodbye soon.

I guess that makes me alone again, naturally...

Goodnight. =)

"Just wanna climb inside the skies to be with you..."

~Kaze

Enough to make me cry...

Goodnight to you.

2007-07-20T01:43:00.000+08:00

My mum is fukkin noisy right now.

Naggin to the air. Trying to scold my sis, yet my sis is in the bathroom. She can't even hear with the sound of splashing water... =.="'

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhh!!!

Already the whole day is fuckin lousy. Spent the day outside alone, walking endlessly... Didn't eat anything, coz when I just wanna go buy food, all the snacks store close le. Didn't wanna eat anything else. Just no appetite for other food. Walking alone sure was lousy. That kind of feeling, though used to it, but is still making me feel sad. When I'm alone, I prefer taking bus... though it's longer. I'm able to look out through the windows to the things happening outside. Then, I start to think of alot of things... Sometimes, I find myself crying at the back of the bus. Not really physically most of the time. But sometimes, like today. I can't explain the feeling.

"I had friends. But I feel like I don't. None of them left, but they're just not there."

Sitting at the back of the bus, there's only one song in my mind for that one hour. Though I don't know about the lyrics. But it's easy, coz it says what I wanted to say. If I were a painter... I would paint my reverie, If that's the only way for you to be with me... Singing and crying... The best feeling one could ever had. =)

And at the end of the day, in my hour of need, I truly am indeed, alone again......

Actually intended to post a few photos on this post, but I guess I'll leave it for now...

Goodnight. Sleep tight. =)

~Kaze

I'm not getting any better...
Paint this beautiful picture with me and stop my tears.

Empty...

2007-07-19T01:26:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, there's another customer asking me about my songs. We talked for quite long. In the end, I gave him an extra disc I burnt. Hah. I know it wasn't right to do that but nvm la. And later I found out that mini-toons in-charge actually say our songs not bad. Haha. =)

Today, didn't work or serve much, though I didn't go for my break. I was talking and talking and I was changing the whole display in one of the showcase. Until we close. So practically didn't do any work.

We were talking happily, until I'm being asked a question, which made me think about something else afterwhich. I was sad. Just so happen that I was playing a disc full of sad or slow songs which I compiled also. Which made me feel even more down. I didn't want to show it. I find ways to distract myself. Went for a short walk around the shopping mall. Came back and change the display. Sometimes, perhaps working does help. Even if it's temporary.

Feel empty.

Been a little while from now,
If only I'm feeling any less sour...
"alone again...naturally..."

Tomorrow not working...
Time for another walk.

~Kaze

I've stopped crying......
Coz tears had filled up my heart...

A sleeping smile?

2007-07-16T00:38:00.000+08:00

Another week ended just like this.

Have been compiling songs to play at J8 action city. Haha. I'm giving J8 AC a different "Theme". Haha. To put it in another way, bringing music that I like into the shop. haha. But Hey, Most music suits Action city. I don't simply put everything.

Like for example, the CD I compiled this morning. I find it quite cute at times, and fun, plus a diff touch when it comes to songs by Vitas. Then few songs towards the end are from Transformers and Spiderman 3. Haha. A few oldies...but fun oldies. They're nice. And I even seen customers singing "I wanna hold your hand" and "Crocodile Rock" <--- that lalala part...haha. And also Customers asked me about the song title for one of Vitas's song. And it's not the first time. Even a song like "Alone again, naturally", I can see a customer singing along with it, and his Girlfriend asking him about the song title. Woohooo... Don't know la, but just feel so happy that there Are people who appreciate my type of songs... =)

I'm out of cute songs to bring to AC. Anyone got any cute or fun songs, please send me. Thanks... Will continue to compile songs until I leave AC, which should around 2 weeks time. Sigh... Coz I don't think will have time to work even on weekends. See first bah.

And hor, we were singing along with a few songs like clapping along with "Alone again, naturally." and singing the "mmm bah bah mmm bah bah" from "Ulybnis" by Vitas(that song which customer asked me about today.) and singing "Du dada" from "Do you want to know a secret" by The Beatles. Then "lalala" with Crocodile rock and singing "Always look on the bright side of life". =) Basically just stand at shopfront singing... haha.

But among those laughter, my mind's still off somewhere, leaving my heart with That feeling, when I heard a certain one song... Coz it brings back memories.

Sometimes I really feel like shouting out loud. Perhaps I'll feel better. I don't know. Have yet tried it.

I just can't feel happy like before.
Something's different.

Goodnight to myself.
Gd nyt. =)

Just want a sleeping smile......

~Kaze

Weeping every night...

Dreaming.

2007-07-13T01:37:00.000+08:00

Phew...

Exhausted.
Today woke up early in the morning and went down to J8 with my sis. Coz she's going there to do display and I just happen to work full shift. So we actually just opened the shop around 9.30am. Haha. And the whole day was fun. In-charge wasn't there. Just me, and a full-timer, and a new part-timer(1st day). And we were given 1.7k for our target by OM and we actually hit 1.9k by the end of the day. Haha, miracle. So happy. Was doing hell lot of cashiering. And the full-timer Joanna was serving a customer who later bought 42 bearbrick in total, which cost him around S$250. Wooohooo. And we sold 4 t-shirts, which previously was moving very slowly. WOw. Even with that new part-timer not doing anything, we still did it. Speaking of that part-timer, we did asked her to greet a few times and she just refused to. =.="' But I did saw her approaching customers several times.

Anyway, nth much, I like the two lightbox display my sis did. Especially the "monkey island". haha. If I get the photos, maybe I'll post it. Today was a long day, yet doesn't feel long. I worked from 9+ to 11+. Omg. haha.

But still, this is just temporary fun. In a few weeks time, I'll say bye bye to these people. And meet new classmates. Really hope I'll meet more friends. And please give me friends that I'm comfortable with. Not friends that I have to compromise with, though I'm used to it, but I'm tired.

And again, time is passing too fast, and by having this type of temporary fun, it seems like wasting time. I mean, I wanna fully make use of this holiday, not just work. But what am I doing now?

Listening to some songs, they really bring back memories... At that time when I feel so happy, and looking forward to everyday, these were all the songs I was listening. Especially that song, "All about you". If one were to ask me about that particular day, I can still remember and say it clearly. Just that particular day. Coz it meant alot to me, I mean, that's the happiest day of my life...I think.

Hehe.

I guess I'll just keep dreaming... =)

~Kaze

Dreaming of the past...

Somewhere over the rainbow.

2007-07-11T01:58:00.000+08:00

I wish for something to boost my energy...

I'm dying away...

tired.

Are you somewhere over the rainbow...?

Tomorrow off again. Going out for sure. I don't wanna waste time staying home. But I just don't know where to go.

Hope it rains tomorrow... =)

~Kaze

Someday I wished upon a star......

Crying lightbulb.

2007-07-10T01:32:00.000+08:00

I feel like I'm missing out something.

I feel like I can have something more.

One more off day.
One more pair of shoes.
One more piece of crispy seaweed.
One more wallet.
One more T-shirt.
One more friend.
and perhaps...
One more time...
let me be happy.

I feel like I could cry sometimes...
looking out from the bus windows.

~Kaze

I don't want to be a lightbulb.
Perhaps just a firefly.=/

FUCK!

2007-07-09T14:02:00.000+08:00

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nope, not happy being alone.

2007-07-09T01:30:00.000+08:00

Yesterday didn't use com at night coz today full shift at vivo. And today, I finally get to see the in-charge for Vivo outlet. And he sucks. I can be a better in-charge than him. He spent more than 3-4 hours of the time sleeping in the store room, and another 4 hours of the time going "toilet". But it's all right, I practically just switched off. No greeting, no servicing. Just stand there whole day chewing candies. =) No one to supervise me anyway. Haha. The sales was bad, but seems like he doesn't care anyway.

Anyway, here are the photos taken on the east coast trip with my sister.

Taken by me without her noticing...=)

Us with an Action City plastic bag. HAHA!

This is how my sis look like when she sees a handsome guy.

My sis and her friend.

Finally, a proper photo of me and my sis taken by her friend. Do I look wierd. I'm gonna cut my hair yet again...=.="'

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tomorrow is my off day...as usual...monday. Don't think I can get anyone out on monday, so I guess I'm gonna go have a walk on my own again... Sometimes I do feel lonely. But then... I guess it's fine. I'll just go have some quiet time on my own when there's no one around. At least I can just do what I want, don't need to compromise. If only Changi Airport still has Marrybrown, I may just go there to eat. Haha. Been quite some time since I go there just to chill.

Hmmm, wonder where should I go tomorrow. Somewhere quiet, that's for sure. Sigh... Too bad I still don't have any mp3 player. no music to accompany me. =.="'

Right now, I'm filling my stomach with milk. haha. I'm turning into a kitten. =P Drinking lot's of milk. And then burping away. haha. hey but at least I don't spill on my shirt nowadays... Hehe.

I'm so tired I feel like I can sleep for 2 days. haha. But yet I don't wanna waste that time. Time is precious to me, now that I realised it passes so fast. It feels as though it's yesterday, yet already months had passed......

~Kaze

No, I'm not happy.

Sometimes...

2007-07-07T02:28:00.000+08:00

Damn low morale.

No mood to work. My mind never stops spinning. And it's killing me.

I don't greet customers nowadays. I don't approach them so much. And I just threw 3 water dispenser around today.

Sometimes, please say something and mean it. don't say something and seems to have forgotten you've said that earlier.

Nothing much.
I'm still not smiling.
Haha.

I'm still in a bad mood. Still in a mood where I can throw temper anytime.

Haha. Call me unreasonable. Call me hot-tempered. This is me.

When was the last time you do something that doesn't benefit yourself?
When was the last time you put other people before yourself?
When was the last time you think in other people's perspective?
When was the last time you listen to what others has to say?

I think I just need to quiet down for a while. Doing nothing for one whole week.

Working's not helping. Going out is not helping. Catching a movie isn't helping but sometimes make it worst. I'm sure jumping down a building doesn't help either.

So perhaps all I need is a good rest.

I'll go to the riverside, sit down and listen to my music on every of my off day now. I should quiet down alone.

Actually, I'm not having the slightest hope right now. Not being so hopeful for anything is better. I tried not to put the blame in anyone. I tried to think of it as some good old memories. But still... that feeling's still there, playing with my mind, making me feel so awkward. Sometimes I just stone for a moment while working, coz I happen to see something. Am I still crying? haha good question.

~Kaze

Tell me what's wrong with me.

A Lifeless Lennon Obsession.

2007-07-05T03:36:00.000+08:00

Today can't get anyone out. and don't wanna hear anymore "I'm meeting him" or "her" so I decided to go out on my own. So I did, wandering and go walk about at orchard myself. Hah. Went to HMV and saw this album "Instant Karma : The Campaign To Save Darfur". What attracts me is the front cover. A face so farmiliar I can recognise with just one glance. Yes, it's John Lennon! haha. It's an album/campaign made to make some noise against the endless war and conflict at Darfur, Sudan. It's a compilation of Songs by John Lennon but sang by various famous artistes such as Avril lavigne, Black Eyed Peas, Snow Patrol, Maroon 5, U2, Christina Aguilera. Surprise eh? Well don't be. Afterall, John Lennon was a famous icon in this singing industry. And there're many songs by him which were written to affect people's mindset and ultimately won the "war" against US. I've always loved his works, his madness, his words. And that's why I often just ignore people around me who don't know how to appreciate his music and give me that kind of look when I tell them about my favorite artiste. But from now, please start respecting him, coz even your "new generation" singers are now performing his songs.

Anyway, didn't buy that album in the end, coz my pay isn't in my pocket yet. Perhaps I'll buy it when I get my pay.

Hmmm, watched Die Hard 4.0 at night. Well, it was a full action packed movie. Lot's of "what the fuck was that?" moments. Haha. Anyway, still can't get Transformers off my mind.

Anyway, also saw this album by Paul McCartney. Hmmm, in case you don't know who he is, he is Lennon's good friend, another one of The Beatles. He's the only Beatles alive now. haha. But this new album of his suggest that he's gonna die.

"At the end of the end. It's just the start of a journey. To a much better place. And a much better place. Would have to be special. No more crying. When I die. I want bells to be rung. Songs to be sung..."

This is roughly what's written around the side of the disc package. And the album is called "Memory almost full". Doesn't it sounds like another "Lennon's last words before death". Haha. By the way, "Grow old with me" was the last song of Lennon. Afterwhich, he was assasinated. And if you listen to the lyrics. It's like he knew he was gonna die. And some quotes by him, "I don't believe in killing. No matter what the reason is." "I'm not afraid of death. Coz I don't believe in it. I think it's just getting out of one car and into another."

Anyway, I think people reading this must find it real boring already. So I guess I shall stop.

Feeling so bored. Lifeless. Alone. Sometimes I feel like shouting out loud. Sometimes I feel like crying silently inside...

I guess there's nothing much to talk about le. Went to east coast that day with my sis, took a few pictures. Will post when I get hold of it. Till then...

Good bye.

~Kaze

Wonder how's everyone doing...

Sad and tired.

2007-07-01T04:19:00.001+08:00

Finally got my own laptop. now gonna get a wireless router.

Went to watch Transformers, a nice show, made me wanna be one too, transform and hide myself whenever I want to. haha.

Maybe becoz the mood isn't there la, so didn't enjoy it that much.

And I'm having headache whole day long, and it got worser and worser until I had no choice but to eat panadol. Haha, to think of it, it's the first time I take a panadol outside. Anyway, was talking with my sis about friends. Yea, I think I'm quite a loner. Not much friends. and I'm not making any new ones. Yet, old friends are "distancing" le.

It's quite sad to actually eat on your own, watch movie on your own, go out and have a walk on your own.

Haha nvm la, dun think le, alone jiu alone bah. Used to it anyway.

wonder if there's anything that can really make me happy.

~Kaze

Feeling so unhappy inside.

Silent Shout!

2007-06-30T00:02:00.000+08:00

Hate my schedule!

but i know they need ppl, so I kept quiet.

Hate working so late, but I know they're short of people, so I kept quiet and even stay more than what I was paid. half to 2/3 hour everyday adds up alot you know?

Hate this company's way of managing finance.

I haven't even get my pay, and I have to pay the company. What the hell. If shortage of cash means everyone that has touched the cash register must pay, then Mr Henry from HQ did a few transaction too, with an intention of helping. Does that means he has to pay in order to be fair?

Fuck this la.

I'm running out of cash le. Still must pay this unexpected shortage. I kept quiet, but am cursing loudly inside.

And also, I think maybe I'm too tired le la. Getting so frustrated so easily. Anyone that gets in my way now will receive a good scolding from me, anyone!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! In a bad bad mood. feel so uneasy inside. sigh. calm me down before I kill someone... !

~Kaze

Silent Shout......!

I'd like to...

2007-06-29T02:55:00.000+08:00

Don't know why. But I'm just feeling so stressful, uncomfortable, frustrated today.

Just not in a very good mood. I mean, still joking around here and there but actually that's how I go about living everyday. But who actually knows what I'm thinking or how I'm feeling inside? Today. I'm just not feeling right. I look at my customers like I'm half-dead. Everything I do, I feel so damn wrong. And there she go again giving me stress on selling my massagers. God damn those massagers la. If customers want to buy, then buy la. It's not like I don't want to serve. I serve everyday as per normal. How the fuck will I know how many I can sell for the whole day? And what the hell do I gain for meeting my target? A sense of satisfaction from selling massagers? =.="'

Anyway. Just a fucked up day la. I got to go exactly at 9pm today, but what's the point? I got no where to go but home. If only my workplace is at town, perhaps I will go boat quay sit sit. Just take a break, doing something I like. Sitting quietly along the river.

And it seems like work is the only thing happening right now. I would like to take a break and catch a movie. Sit along the river, listen to my music. and then once in a while, surprise me with abit of sweetness. Have a supper sitting at beach, gazing upon the stars...

And if possible, send someone to accompany me for this day. haha.

my mouth's smiling... =(

~Kaze

I know you could cheer me up easily. =/

More sugar please! =/

2007-06-28T11:16:00.000+08:00

Maybe sometimes we feel afraid but it's alright. All you need is just someone to calm you down with bits and pieces of sweetness. Even small little words that formed a sweet little sentence can melt one's heart and make all your stress go away......

And this is just what I need...

hope you're doing fine.

~Kaze

So I smile and try to mean it...

Say what you want to satisfy yourself...

2007-06-25T01:45:00.000+08:00

For the past few days I've been busy working. Off day, doing illustration for my school magazine, which I think either chloe, who asked me to do, "cheated" me or nv choose mine. Coz she practically disappear after I sent her the file. Great. If really so, then all the credit will be hers. Sigh. Nvm la. as long as I'm not guilty of anything jiu hao. =) Same as work. I can't bring myself to lie to customers about anything. Even though I know that will help push sales. I'm one who will keep thinking about it if I lie about something. I will feel so uneasy. I guess I like to always sort of put myself in other people's perspective. Always thinking about what the other party will think if I say it this way or something. Which isn't a good thing I know. But I guess I just don't want to make anyone feel lousy becoz of something I said or did. I rather be the one feeling lousy. =)

Anyway, nothing really happened for me to say all these. Just feel like saying jiu say bah.

Now, I just want to smile and try to mean it, and let myself let go. Suddenly feeling so emo listening to "Any other world". Take me to any other world. Any. I'm tired of this one. Have nothing much to take with me. Hopefully I can make more friends in another world. I shall say goodbye to the world I thought I lived in.

Take a bow. Play the part, of a lonely lonely heart.

Say what you want to satisfy yourself
But you only want what everybody else says you should want

Haiz...hmmm think won't blog much in the future. Maybe stop le bah. Now andy won't have to complain about my blog views le. =)

~Kaze

Should I look older just to be put on your shelf?

Any other world.

2007-06-24T00:39:00.000+08:00

In any other world
You could tell the difference
And let it all unfurl
Into broken remenance

Smile like you mean it
And let youreself let go

Cos its all in the hands
Of a bitter bitter of man

Say goodbye to the world
You thought you lived in
Take a bow
Play the part
Of a lonely lonely heart
Say goodbye to the world
You thought you lived in
To the world you thought you lived in

I try to live alone
But lonely is so lonely
So human as I am
I had to give up my defences

So I smile and try to mean it
To make myself let go

Cos it's all in the hands
Of a bitter bitter man

Say goodbye to the world
You thought you lived in
Take a bow
Play the part
Of a lonely lonely heart
Say goodbye to the world
You thought you lived in
To the world you thought you lived in

Cos it's all in the hands
Of a bitter bitter man

Say goodbye to world
You thought you lived in
Take a bow
Play the part
Of a lonely lonely heart
Say goodbye to the world
You thought you lived in
Say goodbye to the world
You thought you lived in
Say goodbye to the world
You thought you lived in
Say goodbye to the world
You thought you lived in
Say goodbye to the world
You thought you lived in

To the world you thought you lived in

In any other world
you could tell the difference

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Do I attract you?
Do I repulse you with my queasy smile?
Am I too dirty?
Am I too flirty?
Do I like what you like?

I could be wholesome
I could be loathsome
I guess Im a little bit shy
Why dont you like me?
Why dont you like me without making me try?

I try to be like Grace Kelly
But all her looks were too sad
So I try a little Freddie
Ive gone identity mad!

I could be brown
I could be blue
I could be violet sky
I could be hurtful
I could be purple
I could be anything you like
Gotta be green
Gotta be mean
Gotta be everything more
Why dont you like me?
Why dont you like me?
Why dont you walk out the door!

How can I help it
How can I help it
How can I help what you think?
Hello my baby
Hello my baby
Putting my life on the brink
Why dont you like me
Why dont you like me
Why dont you like yourself?
Should I bend over?
Should I look older just to be put on the shelf?

I try to be like Grace Kelly
But all her looks were too sad
So I try a little Freddie
Ive gone identity mad!

I could be brown
I could be blue
I could be violet sky
I could be hurtful
I could be purple
I could be anything you like
Gotta be green
Gotta be mean
Gotta be everything more
Why dont you like me?
Why dont you like me?
Why dont you walk out the door!

Say what you want to satisfy yourself
But you only want what everybody else says you should want

I could be brown
I could be blue
I could be violet sky
I could be hurtful
I could be purple
I could be anything you like
Gotta be green
Gotta be mean
Gotta be everything more
Why dont you like me?
Why dont you like me?
Why dont you walk out the door!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm currently addicted to this album by Mika called "Life in cartoon motion". The songs in this album sound abit cartoon, animated, cute. Except for one song, "Any other world" which I like alot. Simple becoz it sounds emo. haha. and I would love to go to any other world and feel that difference.

Nothing much happening recently. Yesterday went to join andy and the rest of "Standardz" at the pub. Haha ya, me and whole of standardz. haha I extra. Sian la, at the pub. Maybe I too tired. Just sit at one corner. I'm not in the mood for games and stuff.

Everyone has someone that took a certain place in their heart. So do I. It won't fade away in any way, I believe. The portion of my heart will always belong to this someone. Even if there's someone else in the future, I believe there's always another part of my heart that she will take.

I know I'm tired. I will let my mind take a break. Hopefully when school reopens, I will get better. Shall let everything flow by itself bah. If this is my life, I shall take pride in it.

I've been working hard for 3 weeks. I wanna go out. Someone ask me out. I monday and saturday off next week. haha. Faster book hor. while stock last. :P

~Kaze

If you want me, just say so.

"I miss you."

2007-06-21T03:52:00.000+08:00

"I miss you"

have a few meanings.

I missed the time we had spent together.
I missed looking at you right into your eyes.

Right now, "I miss you" means I missed the things that had yet happen to us......

I wanna make it happen, but I guess I'm just dreaming.

~Kaze

Does "I miss you" mean anything to you?

How's life?

2007-06-20T03:40:00.000+08:00

How's life?

I'm glad you asked.
Missing so many things in my life...
How great can it be?
I miss those days,
when I can hear your laughter and see your smile,
everyday.

~Kaze

would you smile with me once more?

Wasted my life.

2007-06-19T01:07:00.000+08:00

Today was a disappointment and a waste of time and money.

I actually get off to do the magazine layout, but then I basically wasted the whole day. And I didn't enjoy any moments of it because of that I think. I kept thinking that I got things to do. And also, I'm just wondering around at arcade with andy and yuan chong. Then watch about two movies at home later which I've watched before. Then finally go for a stupid movie which I'm gonna kill andy for that. You didn't waste 1hr 20mins, you wasted 4hrs actually. (1hr 20mins X 3). =.="'

And there goes my off day. Well, one more off day to go and I don't know if I can finish something quick in the next few hours. Hope so. But then, I don't need sleep liao. fuck. I'm fuck tired. zzz.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sometimes I feel like I'm missing something. And it's making me so uncomfortable and it's distracting. I don't really know what it is, coz I think there's alot I'm missing.

Hope I can feel "complete" and not missing anything soon. Coz I know I can go crazy one day anytime. I'm those crazy ppl, you know. It won't be strange if you wake up one day and find out that I'm dead.

Please, let me enjoy, I don't wanna feel like I'm wasting time. I may not have much time to lose. You never know.

My stomach's making noises now... I'm hungry. And my eyes are closing... And my head's feeling giddy... Almost fell two times coz I lost balance because of that. Don't know what's wrong with me la. I just want a normal life! God, damn you!

~Kaze

Walking down the streets alone, without a someone like you to phone.

Back into my shell.

2007-06-18T02:46:00.000+08:00

I think I'm gonna hide back into my shell again. Until there's someone able to make me come out again. =)

Which I seriously doubt this person will appear in the near future. haha.
Nothing moves me anymore. For now.

I'm sick of this.
I'm trying my best to smile.
Yet every night...

I wish upon a star......

All the best to everyone.
Perhaps I'm gonna close the blog soon.

"Smile..."
Falling asleep. Don't wanna wake up.

~Kaze

Where are you?

=/

2007-06-17T11:26:00.000+08:00

"Infatuation"

Baby, I don’t want to spend my life on trial
For something that I did not do
And maybe if you stopped and looked around some time
I wouldn’t pass right by you

Maybe it’s because you are so insecure
Maybe your pain don’t care
Maybe it’s the chase that really gets me off
I fall so when it’s just not there

Burn another bridge, break another heart
Try again, it will only fall apart

Infatuation
Not seeing the rest of you is getting the best of me
It’s such a shame that you shot me down
It would have been nice to be around
I’m touching your skin
If it’s only a fancy, then why is it killing me?
I guess this must be infatuation (I want it…)

Try to put my finger on what burns me up
It always seems to escape me
And when you have decided that you’ve had enough
Just tell me where I need to be

Now her face is something that I never had
To ever deal with before
She left me with the feeling that she’d had enough
And I’m the one wanting more

Burn another bridge, break another heart
Try again, it will only fall apart

Infatuation
Not seeing the rest of you is getting the best of me
It’s such a shame that you shot me down
It would have been nice to be around
I’m touching your skin
If it’s only a fancy, then why is it killing me?
And I guess this must be infatuation (I want it…)

I’m so attracted to you
The feeling’s mutual too
And I get scared the moment you leave
Get so hot I forget to breathe, yeh

Infatuation
Not seeing the rest of you is getting the best of me
It’s such a shame that you shot me down
It would have been nice to be around
I’m touching your skin
If it’s only a fancy, then why is it killing me?
I guess this must be infatuation (I want it…)
Ooh (I want it…)
Ooh (I want it…)
Yeh… (I want it…)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So tired I can't move. Headache get so badly sometimes I can't even do my things.

I really don't have time for anything else.

I guess I'm tired of trying so hard.
I can't read minds
and I'm tired of trying to.
The thing about one-sided is that it reduces the percentage to perhaps just 10%.
While two-sided means an 80%.

Perhaps nobody knows what I'm saying, but nvm. I'm just tired.
I think it's time...

Maybe sometimes I got it wrong. Sometimes I feel afraid.
Why do I take care to astound you. Why do I even try?
It's just another rainy day...
Everytime I think of you, I get a shot right through with a bolt of blue.

~Kaze

Let it go.

Happy wannabe. =)

2007-06-16T01:56:00.000+08:00

Libra are interesting ppl.
They are lame people, but yet not very lame, make jokes that can make you laugh.
They tell lies to make u happy and laugh, but then admit it later.
They are very concern about their physical appearance.
They are happy go lucky people.
But when they have some things inside them, they don't say it out.

This is what my colleague said. Is it true? I don't know. But I sure hope I can be Happy-go-lucky for the days to come... and just keep smiling.

I want to stay happy. Help me be.
I want to have friends that can make me smile everyday, keeping me busy.

~Kaze

It's been awhile since I gaze upon the night sky.

Why can't we be friends?

2007-06-15T05:01:00.000+08:00

"Why can't we be friends?"

Why can’t we be friends (4x)

I seen ya, I seen ya, I seen ya ’round for a long long time
I really, I really, I really remember when you drank my wine

Why can’t we be friends (4x)

I seen ya, I seen ya, I seen ya walkin’ down in chinatown
I called ya, I called ya, I called but you did not look around
I pay my, I pay my, I pay my money to the welfare line
I seen ya, I seen ya, I seen ya standing in it everytime

Why can’t we be friends (4x)

The color, the color, the color of your skin don’t matter to me
As long as, as long as, long as we can live in harmony
I kinda, I kinda, I kinda, like to be the president
And I could, and I could, and I could show you how your money’s spent

Why can’t we be friends (4x)

Sometimes I don’t speak right
But did I know what I was talking about
I know you’re working for the cia
They wouldn’t have you in the mafia

Why can’t we be friends (4x)
(repeat to fade)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Just happen to came across this song at such a time. When i can really relate to this song.
Why can't we be friends...?

There're people asking why did I took so many days off. Well this is why :

This seems easy to make, but took alot of tries for a first-timer like me. Notice there's something on the grass, around the pig?

The card I made.

To be honest, I loved this drawing. Hope it's being taken good care of. Haven't draw with pencil for quite some time, especially humans. Now hope I didn't mess up.

Actually, I really don't know if I should put all these on my blog. I mean, all these isn't to prove anything. I don't wanna prove anything and I'm afraid people might think this way. Some people ask me why am I doing all these. Actually I do not know for sure. I just know I want to do it, and I'm happy doing it. And I guess that's enough. I'm not picaso. I cannot create a masterpiece. But everything I did, meant something to me.

hmmm, I wonder why...?

~Kaze

Why can't we be friends?

Happy birthday.

2007-06-14T01:19:00.000+08:00

I don't know how to explain how I feel right now.

I'm tired, I'm exhausted. But I just can't ask myself to say goodbye this way. Though now I've did something that made me feel better. It seems like a sort of goodbye. Have finally reached the ending. Kinda dissappointing not being able to give it personally.

I was lying on my bed thinking. I wonder if I was thought of. I wonder if everything's gonna be alright. I've so much to say, so much to hope for, yet I know the very little amount I could do. The very bit just to tell her to take care, when I'm not there now... I don't know how far can I go, but I know this is the least I could do.

Time passes so slow while on the bed, well, at least the memories flashback were fast. So fast I'm not sure if I can catch up. It's an unexplanable feelings I'm having right now. So much I'd want to say or do, yet there's this forcefield that's stopping me from doing. It's this feeling that had made me feel so uncomfortable for so long and finally I couldn't take it anymore. And, I did it again... I knew this was coming, just couldn't stop myself. I know I have to let it out. I know what she'll say if she knew, but I just couldn't help.

I hope this is the last time. I hope I'll be able to smile for the days to come.

And so. It's yet another wednesday for such a memorable day. It started on a wednesday. I held your hands tight. I wished to hold you tight once more. Everytime I think of you. I just couldn't forget you, but if it's a goodbye you wish for, at least this way is the best.

Don't know what more to say...

All the best to you. Happy birthday.

Now I feel physically and mentally tired, working my ass off for the past few days.
And I'm dying of hunger I think. Falling sick soon I guess.

"She brought you something special when she came here, didn't she? That's what you hold on to. That's how you keep her alive."

~Kaze

Why can't we be ourselves like how we did yesterday?

Low morale.

2007-06-13T04:24:00.000+08:00

Finally finish...

super tired. But now it's like kinda demoralising.

Sigh. Just don't feel good la.

How I wish i lead a smooth life...

good night.

~Kaze

I think I know where I stand to you... nvm. I'm fine.

Men

2007-06-12T12:59:00.000+08:00

Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.

Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.
See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Pass this to as many men as you can -to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can -to give them a bigger laugh.

~Kaze

Busy...stressed...tired.

life for now...

2007-06-10T01:54:00.000+08:00

Tired.

Even other staff at ps can see I'm tired, without me saying. My eyes are all red, I know. Sian sia, I like ps so much better la. J8 is like so boring. All those staff so serious. Even customers also say they don't smile. Forget about talking. As for vivo, the in-charge wasn't there when I was there yesterday so don't know la. But i heard he's very strict and alot of ppl don't like him. Anyway, those two outlets are like "friend-friend" la. So that explains my schedule for next week. Vivo, J8, Vivo, J8, Vivo, J8. fuck la!

When I work at ps, don't feel like I'm wasting time. But other outlets is like wasting my holiday time. Fuck la. Just don't want to spend my holiday like this. Damn!

Anyway, life's just ok lor. Nothing much. Boring la. Still haven't get my surprise? And still thinking of alot of stuff la. Now I can't even go out la, part-time is like whole day...zzz sian 1/2.

Lots of wishes...that I know may not come true la. But nvm that's why they're call wish, isn't it?

I still believe that quote, " When you want something really badly and wishes for it? God is the one that ignores you."

To myself : "cheer up pls!"

and ya one more thing, good luck andy. And enjoy your trip to japan. Won't be able to send u off. Safe trip home hor.

~Kaze

=/ zzz...zzz =/

So sick.

2007-06-08T09:58:00.001+08:00

Bad headache. Can't concentrate. Sigh. Hungry. Last night didn't have any dinner. Then now no breakfast and I'm going to work liao. Fuk sia. I hate their management la. It's understandable that 15 mins aren't even enough for me to queue up to get my food la. Fuckin crap company.

~Kaze

I'm so sick... zzz =.="'

Successfully pissed me off and wasted my time to prepare something.

2007-06-08T00:56:00.000+08:00

This post wasn't made to tell anyone, is for everyone. It was made simply just because I'm frustrated.

Again, don't fuck with my mind. Don't try to say you fully understand me. Don't compare cases to cases. No matter how similar they are, they are ultimately, different. I'm not saying what is right. I'm saying what i think. And if you have a different point of view about something. It's perfectly fine with me. It's normal. Everyone's different. Thus, we SHOULD think differently, even if it's just 1% difference. And let's just say not everyone see things the way you see it. There're more things in life than the result itself. Process is important. Even when you know it will end up the same way, yet you did what you think you want to do, and you will be living the way you want your life to be. And not the way you "Thought" your life is. Don't get it? Nevermind, I don't blame you. Just don't try to use words like this when you want to give advice. Coz this IS NOT giving advice. It's telling people what is right, affecting people with your thinking. Giving advice is like giving suggestions, yet not being so one-sided and narrow-minded till the extend that nothing else please you unless your words are being followed.

I'm typing this even though I know that maybe some people won't be happy after reading. This is what I want, what I feel at this moment. So why hide? Why change your directions, just because you're afraid of that fuckin result? The way I want my life to be, is to live the way I want it to be. If everything's being altered due to your thinking of "I don't have a choice". The point is, you do have a choice. You choose lane A, or lane B, but they both end up in destination C. What's the moral of the story? You regreted going lane B coz it's longer? No. The answer is you now know that lane B, although longer, but you've seen more things, that a shortcut won't be able to let you enjoy. Coz it's not what you want. You will feel awkward when you're asked to go lane A though you think lane B is right. And you won't enjoy lane A coz you keep thinking about it. Get what I mean? So important thing is follow what you think is right. Others can only give suggestions, nothing more.

Anyway, please, no one come fukin my mind this way again. Give suggestions(advice), not subjective, result-oriented, persistant "point of view". It doesn't help for me. It pissed me off, to the extend that I don't mind losing a friend just to defend my own opinion. Take note, it's opinion, not telling others what to do. I don't do that.

I'm not angry. I'm not mad. I'm just defending my own point of view. Just don't cross this boundary to tell ppl what to do. Tell and suggest is different. Think about it and rephrase your sentences next time you try to give advice.

I'm not looking for a fight/quarrel. So don't need any reply to this. All of the above, may ALL be wrong to you. But to me, there's no right or wrong to everything. Just because I do it this way, doesn't mean I'm wrong. I'm fine alright. To me, doing whatever stuff now is no longer just "gain" or "loss". I do heed advices, just that I analysed and thought that it's just not what I want. Anyway, don't wanna talk about it anymore. I just wanna continue smiling, don't add on to my stress.

*sidenote*
If there happen to be people not happy with reading my blog, please don't read alright? As simple as that. I never force you to read. I know I'm stubborn, when it comes to "thinkings" coz I believe I should, at the very least, defend my own views, even if they're so-called "wrong".

~Kaze

Just fuck the hell off if you're still not happy.
I don't need you to follow what I think.
Just understand how I think.

Am I sick?

2007-06-07T02:45:00.000+08:00

2.45am~

Just came back from watching the show "Zodiac" with andy and yuan chong. Well, all those yahoo users says it was nice. Well, I personally think it IS nice, just that I still don't understand alot of stuff due to my english standard. So maybe if I can just watch it a second time with english subtitles, maybe I'll find it better. Anyway, this show is pure talking for 2hrs 30 mins, cutting away the 6 mins credits I think, which makes the film 2 hrs 36mins. So if you're not up for another Da Vinci code ride, I suggest you find other show to watch. But it will be real nice I think, if you like this type of show.

You know, I won't say I'm sick if I'm just sneezing, or just feeling shivering cold, or just having double vision, or just getting giddy and unable to stand still, or just having a sore red left eye, or just aching neck at the back, or just having stomachache, or just having gastric, or just vomiting... But to have all the above happening to me right now at this very moment, I think I am, finally, sick. =/

So I wonder if I can stay up for few more nights to finish something, which is rather important to me. Hmmm, will try to.

Till then, I should get ready to declare, I'm sick.

~Kaze

So not feeling well...Arrrhhh....sigh.

What do I look forward to?

2007-06-06T02:31:00.001+08:00

2.31am~

been few hours since I reach home from work.

Well first day of work, one word. Boring. I don't enjoy at all. Seriously. There're a few customers. But it's like those customers don't even wanna buy la. I did explain and demo to them some products but it's like I'm just not good with sales. And I think the in-charge isn't very pleased with me. But the so-called second in-charge ask me to find something to do. Serve customers. But I'm serving la. Just that no customers, serve ghost ar? And I was sticking barcode on a mountain of products. And I thought since I've bring them down, why not stack it back orderly, seperating the two different colors. But then she just had to come and spoil everything, even stacking it wrongly. Then later I follow her way of stacking and she come and say wrong. And say I'm even worst than the other new-comer. It's like so @@#@$!#. But anyway, I said it in a sacastic way about it, and I think she gets it. She know it's her fault. Well not to blame anyone or what. but that sentence she said just pissed me off. I'm even worst? Come on, i got it all planned out and you came and stack every single thing randomly, and you even stick a barcode for the blue color, on a red, not to mention you stick it so anyhow. It's not straight at all.

But besides that, I think everyone's still ok. Perhaps all just acting or what I don't know. But so far, impression is all are nice people... just not very happy about that single incident.

Anyway, I came home speaking to my sis about all those problems action city's facing. haha. I, too am impressed how much problem I can picked out just from one day of work. And there she goes again, all those ideas to solve the problems. But now there's a bigger problem. Regarding the new concept. I don't think I can come up with a good idea. That "x-factor" just makes such a big difference. But I just don't know what it is. I can only say that, all those things came from "Ultraman", well I used it as an example.

Anyway, now it's way passed two and I havent even bathe. =.="' Sigh. I really hate doing sales.

Ok today, it's like I don't feel any better even when there's something for me to do. It's like the more i feel like shouting out loud. Just shout out. Really hate this kind of life. I really don't have any motivation to go on. I mean, when I was working last time, at least I looked forward to school starting. And I looked forward to every saturday movie mania. And I looked forward to the pay every month. But now? I don't really want that money that badly. I have no friends to go movie mania. I don't look forward to school reopens. I get only 15 mins of break which mean I had to swallow my McChicken as fast as possible and get back to work. What for, i mean?

I'm down down down to the pit. Give me something to look forward to, please?

I think now the only thing can make me look forward to, is sleep. Now I just want to sleep through every single day. At least my dreams seems more "real" to me. Hah. What a wonderful life.

If only I can design my own life...the way I want it, beautifully...Haha.

~Kaze

I believe there's god,
Coz I know one day I'm gonna kill him.

Do dogs smile?

2007-06-05T00:55:00.000+08:00

Hmmm, don't know if I can really concentrate working tomorrow. I mean, I've always been in my own world ever since, and I can't say I've fully recover, but still working on it bah.

Anyway, I'm going to start work tomorrow, so I guess that will kill my boredom bah. But somehow I don't really look forward to it. It's like nothing Really make me so interested. Really nothing. There's nothing for me to look forward to. I mean it's good I have something to do now, but. nevermind.

I don't know if I'm going the right direction. If it is, why am I not getting any better? And is what I think really the case? It seems like it is, but.

The last time I smile really so lively, was during the external group work. I really enjoyed, especially that day. It was a saturday. You know, a day when everything seems right? right where you want it to be.

Zhu tou? I missed calling that name. haha, it's random but just feel like saying la. nvm.

Blog is like the only place where I can really say things I wanna say. I know it makes no difference, people still read it, and it's like telling people indirectly. But i don't know, it's just different. And really, it has already become the so-called only "Person" i can talk to. It's like talking to a cat or something, which may not even understand you, but... Anyway, if I were to keep a pet, I think it will most likely hate me, coz I'll be telling lot's of things to it until it's bored to death.

Walking side by side, yet feel like so far apart...
Really don't know what went wrong.
Why did everything become like this?
All those talking, about still be friends?
Aren't really true when it comes to you.
In fact, no one can actually be that "normal".
I know, I understand
But let me have a chance to say
I think I still miss you...

I should be thinking how to get you back.
But I wonder why it is,
That some part of me tells me I'm a bother,
and the other telling me
"Go for it! pigs are smarter than you man."

I think being a pig may be better. I want to be a pig in the wild. Just running about doing nothing. Something I've been wondering, "Do dogs smile?" Interesting question? I think they do.

I hope tomorrow means a new fresh start. =)

~Kaze

Ni hai hao ma? =/

Anyone miss me?

2007-06-03T23:09:00.000+08:00

I seems to be having too much free time now. And I'm feeling damn bored. Actually thought of going to fish and co to work, but then sigh. I'm being damn lazy nowadays. I hope I can have the some motivation when school reopens hopefully. If not, I'll most likely slack again. It seems like I'm blogging everyday, coz it's like nothing better to do.

Today, didn't watch any movie. The whole day didn't feel that bored. I basically start holding pencil again, and started drawing. Haven't complete the drawing though. I think I'm taking too long. But it's like I never get it right. I really want this drawing to look as perfect as possible. I decided to do black and white coz I think colour will spoil the picture. Anyway, can't concentrate much, coz my mum is back home and she kept interrupting. And the fukin malays downstairs having marriage ceremony or wad till afternoon, and it's damn noisy. And my dad took the fan away, And I have no fan, so I'm like sweating while drawing. =.="' Actually I can bring out my fan in my room, but again, lazy.

All I can say is the more I draw, the more frustrated I become. Not only because of the hot weather, but also other reasons. And I ended up listening to maksim again, which is like my way of vending some anger. Blasting maksim. Anyway, I really don't know if I should be doing this drawing.

You know, the whole day though, I'm concentrating on drawing, but somehow my heart tells me it wants to go out and breathe some fresh air. I'm really utterly intensely stressed right now I guess. I really want to go out. I'm sensing another explosion in-coming. =/ Maybe I will go to sentosa on my own tomorrow. Hah. Or anywhere that can allow me to relax in peace. Boat quay maybe, but in the night most likely.

Every night, it ended with me realising how lonely I am, actually. I'm not those mix-around type and I guess I lose out coz of that. Even if I wanna mix-around, it's like I have little things to share with people, things that others will like.

My only wish at this very moment. I wish for one day when I know someone misses me. Anyone will do.

~Kaze

Whisper to me, holding me tight...

My biggest regret.

2007-06-03T01:54:00.000+08:00

I know I've said that some things aren't really necessary to say out. But perhaps sometimes we do need to hear it. If one were to ask about my biggest regret, I would say even till now, I would like to hear how she feel. Even if it's only at that moment of time. I don't know how to put it, but it's like something which I'll never ever get to know, and it's hurting me everytime I think of it. I remembered I made a promise about not crying anymore. Well I'll try my best to smile, even if it's so hard.

It's ok to smile, for yourself.

~Kaze

You never know who's in love with your smile.

The eye

2007-06-01T19:51:00.001+08:00

I wonder what's happening to my left eye. It's like it's constantly having liquid thingy coz it seems to be watery all the time. I mean, I don't know why but it's blurring my vision sometimes. And I wake up having all those sticky thing harden, only on my left eye. And one look you can tell my left eye is slightly swollen. fuk la. Don't know what happen, but I don't think it's my fringe, coz my fringe aren't covering my left eye. And it's seriously making me so frustrated... =.="' sigh... everything don't go well for me. And come to think of it. This year, I didn't wear my spectacles because of this. It was always my left eye hurting. Either itchy or swollen, or whatever... Wonder what's wrong with it. aiya, nvm... can't help also la... just nth better to blog. hah. Eh maybe I can go shoot another part of "The eye". Haha lame. -.-"

Life's boring. surprise me.

~Kaze

Struggling with my left eye... =/

Another rainy day

2007-05-31T23:30:00.000+08:00

Today's another rainy day.

And it's perhaps the first time those raindrops fall on me since so long before. But it wasn't on purpose of coz.

Then the whole day is just pure boredom. I simply go and lie down on my bed the whole day. During the night, I watched "50 first dates" showing on channel 5. And it was a nice show. Haha. first dates eh? It's always the best. The very first time you hang out with that person? or meet that person? It's sweet. Hmmm, just wished I had the same memory loss thing. Everyday, is a first date for me. I really don't mind repeating that very day...and find ways to make it better or try new things? I think I can consider that day as my first date.

Before I get carried away... just wanna say it was a nice show. Just watch it if you ever get the chance. It's so sweet. But I seriously doubt I can think of so many different ideas for my first dates, like the guy in the movie. Haha...but he was a playboy, so I guess he has lots of experience.

Hmmm, and just watched finish "The hills have eyes 2" and it's not as nice as the first. Kinda expected actually. I mean the people in the first doesn't have any weapons, but the people in this one have guns, coz they're some military soldier on training. Anyway, don't wanna talk much about this show. It's quite disgusting actually.

Now those 50 first dates scene are actually more remembered than the ones in the other show. Perhaps it's because it's so sweet and beautiful that I kept thinking of it...haha. Though my story is a different case, but it's alright. I know one day that part of my story will come. And my life is still considered "okay" right now. Just not on the highest peak of my life as I said on my previous post. But you know what, I'm fine with "okay". Well don't have a choice, do I? I'll make my life the best, my story the one my kids will talk about someday. Someday......

I'd go the whole wide world to find you...!

And I just went to friendster and read the horoscope thingy for tmrw... I mean today, coz it's already past 12.

Libra:
Every single choice -- and every single mistake -- that you've made in your past has helped deliver you to where you are right now in your life. Your past might be behind you, but it will always be a part of you. Today you'll get to use some things that long-ago trials and tribulations taught you -- but those distant dramas will now seem terrifically amusing. Time heals all wounds, and it evens adds an aspect of humor to the bad times.

Hmmm, I got only one question. "Can I sue this person who wrote all these everyday?" coz it's like none of them are true. =.="' I mean, I'm sure there won't be any big drama today, coz most likely I'll just stay at home. =/ and perhaps, sleep pass another day. So I guess I'm gonna have a "Humorous" dream today? If you get what I mean...=.="'

~Kaze

"Why are my eyes filling up with these lonely tears,
When there're girls all over the world."

Just Thoughts.

2007-05-31T04:03:00.000+08:00

4.04am~

Just reached home and bathe.
Hmmm, today went to have a haircut which then seems like the same though. I mean one look it's like I never cut. But anyway, I think it's ok, except for the fringe. Then went to meet Andy again to watch shrek 3. Well today, I waited the longest time for him. Almost an hour. But strangely, I don't feel angry. I was just sitting there having my drink and in my own world again. Anyway, it was kinda boring walking around without destination while waiting for the movie to start. But then... I feel like I needed that walk. Hmmm, the show was alright, but for me, I like the first 2 better. Well first is always better I guess. This one doesn't have that kick when watching the ending part. And the songs in this one isn't catchy.

Well, today's perhaps the first time I keep so quiet going out with him. Hmmm, I also don't know what I was thinking la. Just lots of stuff. Erm Andy, don't worry la, I'm fine. I'm not unhappy or what. I'm just not at the highest peak of my life now. Thank you for those little small talks you tried to make. I know and I appreciate. As usual, you're not good at talking, but you tried and I guess that done it. I felt better more or less, I guess. Hmmm, I know it's abit wrong to say to a guy? but well, good to have you as a friend, a brother(I'm older btw =)). At least you pay attention to my emotions every now and then, Hah. And you seems to get it right most of the time. And no I'm not gay...but thanks......for...anything, everything bah...haha dunno wad to say. I mean, maybe to you is nothing, but perhaps it's just that it just helps having someone around now. Fuk la dunno wad I saying. fuck it. nvm.

Hmmm, and you should cherish your family now bah, I mean, you're already quite fortunate than most people, in financial terms.

Eh I know sometimes I tend to go too off...saying about life? but just bare with me bah. I'm kinda strange and stubborn?

And about that "Guess" thing? you know, I think I've tried so I don't feel any regret. But now that it seems like I know what's best, i mean, it's better to let it be since I know who stands a better chance now...so I'm just not gonna think about it. Chill only....haha.

Speaking of chilling, pls do bare with my toilet sickness. My bladder got problem la.

I guess I'm gonna go to sleep la bah...

*And stop pointing fingers on my blog* =.="'

~Kaze

Keep in contact bah, everyone.
Really don't wish to be like my current class.

Just wish.

2007-05-29T19:23:00.000+08:00

"Whole wide world"

When I was a young boy
My mama said to me
There's only one girl in the world for you
And she probably lives in Tahiti
I'd go the whole wide world
I'd go the whole wide world
Just to find her

Or maybe she's in the Bahamas
Where the Carribean sea is blue
Weeping in a tropical moonlit night
Because nobody's told her 'bout you

I'd go the whole wide world
I'd go the whole wide world
Just to find her
I'd go the whole wide world
I'd go the whole wide world
Find out where they hide her

Why am I hanging around in the rain out here
Trying to pick up a girl
Why are my eyes filling up with these lonely tears
When there're girls all over the world

Is she lying on a tropical beach somewhere
Underneath the tropical sun
Pining away in a heatwave there
Hoping that I won't be long

I should be lying on that sun-soaked beach with her
Caressing her warm brown skin
And then in a year or maybe not quite
We'll be sharing the same next of kin

I'd go the whole wide world
I'd go the whole wide world
Just to find her
I'd go the whole wide world
I'd go the whole wide world
Find out where they hide her

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Suddenly have lot's of thoughts going through my head......

How long more will I be staying in this house?
How will I grow up to become?
How long can I live?
How will I die?

Who will I be with the rest of my life? Be it a family member, or someone else.
Who will become the next person I'll be hanging out with most of the time?
Who will live long enough to tell me about life after I'm gone?
Who will be the next "new" person I'll meet?

What will I be doing next time? I mean I could study design and become a beggar?
What will be the next "most memorable" thing I'll be having?
What will my next post title be?
What am I?

Which class will I be in when school reopens?
Which group of people will I mix around with?
Which will be the room for my thinking to take place?
Which pen will I be buying next?

When will I be at peace?
When can I die?

Just listening to "La Petite Fille De La Mer" calms me down...... And I feel so peaceful. Makes me want to leave this world for good. If there's really someplace call heaven that is. But I know there isn't.

You know...
There's this one phrase I find it so true :
"You feel twice as lonely lying on your bed..."

Just wish there's more to life, than waiting, waiting for things to happen, waiting for events to take place, waiting for death...

~Kaze

Just wish that love is as simple as saying...
"I want you."

My 100th post...been 3 months...

2007-05-28T01:00:00.000+08:00

Time passes fast, isn't it? This is my 100th post on this blog. Perhaps I've gotten sick of posting? or perhaps I haven't. Well I don't know. The only reason I'm still posting is because I've too much free time I guess. 2 months left before school reopens. Well it's really fast. Yeah, to think it feel as if it was yesterday that I've said those words. Hmmm perhaps just too much thinking, so makes it so deeply carved in my mind. Who would've thought 3 months passes just like that... 3 months from that day, the day when I made a decision. 3 months before now, I was enjoying my life like I'm the most happy person in the world. And the next thing you know, it's been 3 months and it didn't end up how you wanted it to be. Well I won't think about it and sob, of coz. I will be looking forward to 3 months from now, and 3 months after that, and after that. 'cause I've enjoyed the 3 months before now, and I will wanna enjoy all the 3 months that's to come.

and I hope I become a better person.

Just wanna say thanks to xianguo(apple) who's given me lots of advice since 3 months before and before. Then to esther and jie long who've accompanied me when I was still confused two days before that day, at boat quay... it helped, keeping inside is pure torture. Thanks to Sally, who won't read this blog but I'll say it anyway, coz I've like ma fan her alot, going to her house to emo...or rather, recall back some memories at that room, but then eventually got misunderstood by some people... And to my friend, shida, an advance happy birthday to you, though you may not be reading this either. Then thanks to the rest who've given me some encouragement every now and then... And to the ever-so-hungry Andy, good luck.

I guess that makes my 100th post on my blog a meaningful one eh?

Hmmm, I guess there's still one more person. Zhu tou, if you're reading this, if you really can't find the time then nvm, we can meet other time, I know you're busy. Just go enjoy with your friends on your off day if you want, since you're so busy on every other day. =)

All the best... =P

and I went back to my old blog to take a look...and well, it's a blog with not many posts, but I think it's more meaningful than this current one. Well at least I've got comments on that one...haha. For those people who don't know about my old blog... I guess I'll post the link : http://kazechronicles.blogspot.com/ . I've got nothing to hide now. =)

~Kaze

I've learnt many things in this 3 months.
I'm gonna learn more things in the more 3 months to come...

Like a star.

2007-05-27T13:07:00.000+08:00

Just like a star across my sky,
Just like an angel off the page,
You have appeared to my life,
Feel like I'll never be the same,
Just like a song in my heart,
Just like oil on my hands,
Oh.. I do love you,

Still i wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
With anyone but you,
We do it all the time,
Blowing out my mind,

You've got this look i can't describe,
You make me feel like I'm alive,
When everything else is a fade,
Without a doubt you're on my side,
Heaven has been away too long,
Can't find the words to write this song,
Oh.,.. Your love,

Still i wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
With anyone but you,
We do it all the time,
Blowing out my mind,

I have come to understand,
The way it is,
It's not a secret anymore,
'cause we've been through that before,
From tonight I know that you're the only one,
I've been confused and in the dark,
Now I understand,

I wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
With anyone but you,
I wonder why it is,
I wont let my guard down,
For anyone but you
We do it all the time,
Blowing out my mind,

Just like a star across my sky,
Just like an angel off the page,
You have appeared to my life,
Feel like I'll never be the same,
Just like a song in my heart,
Just like oil on my hands

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I think I know why I can't see stars shining anymore.
Coz this star of mine is long gone.
hmmm, just wanna say...
one-sided sucks. =/

~Kaze

Good luck to you =)

Venus

2007-05-25T13:45:00.000+08:00

That day I watched this movie called "Venus". It's about this old man, named Maurice, who's quite a celebrity. He's on his way to retire...and his good friend had a niece coming to "Take care" of him. However, to his good friend, the niece seems like a nightmare. Typical teenager who smoke, and drink and has a lousy attitude. Maurice, who can't get woman off his mind, soon fall for this 20++ yrs old girl, 50 years younger than him. He called the niece Venus, though her real name was Jessie. Knowing that Maurice had fell for her, she tried to benefit herself by bringing Maurice to buy things for her. Until she know that Maurice has no more money, she eventually drew a distance between them, returned only to trick Maurice more. When she finally learnt the right and wrong, Maurice was on his way to heaven. All she could do was to accompany this poor old man to a place where he could die peacefully. And I guess he did, eventually. The story ended with Maurice's good friend willing to give Venus/Jessie one more chance, and she's willing to change. The story was sad, and it's insipiring, to me.

And I love the songs in this movie, especially the one played when Maurice was waiting whole day for Venus/Jessie, but she didn't turn up in the end. That song was called "Like a star". I've added this song to my first playlist. Really like this song very much. People ask me exactly what kind of music do I like, well, I would say this is one of the many.

Ok this has nothing to do with this movie, but I just remembered I had a photo of Andy's little sister, by the name Venus, taken by yuan chong yesterday. Haha, she was cute...and I think she looks like andy.

This is a photo of Andy's little sister named Venus, she's 5 yrs old.

~Kaze

"I'm not afraid of death, because I don't believe in it.
I think it's just getting out of one car and entering another."
~ John Lennon.

Awaken by alcohol.

2007-05-25T04:42:00.000+08:00

4.07am~

Reached home for about an hour but I'm still watching tv.

People say that getting drunk makes you wanna sleep. So tell me why am I even more awake than usual now? I thought I could get myself drunk...and perhaps feel differently, be it cry out loud or wad. But I didn't, sadly.

Well today went to watch Pirates of the carribean with andy as usual, but with xian guo and yuan chong this time coz andy have free tickets. Well the show was nice. Though I like the second one better.

Andy busy talking, while this lan ping guo over there studying hard. haha.

Then Andy, as usual, wanted so much to go to Club street. Haha. I will not go into details in case he kills me, but I will just say it's to find "someone" who's working there in one of the pubs. And we've been trying to find this club street on tuesday but failed. This time round, they followed my lead and finally we reached this club street though later I found out that I went the long way around. Anyway, I guess he was happy. At the very least, satisfied. I've been keeping quite quiet in the pub. Well, a very small bit because of the music...not that I don't like, but, it's too loud, for me. And it's chinese songs, with a faggot singing, like a faggot I guess. Initially, I didn't intend to drink. Yuan chong and Andy ordered a jug of tiger. But then later that "someone" later suggested to play a game, or rather a toy. It's this crocodile thing, and you'll have to press the teeth down one by one and see who's the unlucky one to get bite, and then you'll have to drink.

Well, I was. I was the unlucky one. I can't believe I'm getting bite almost 70% of the time? Wad the hell? I guess I'm really having such bad luck eh? Everything just don't seem to go smoothly. And well, I, eventually had to drink alot, even drank andy's share. =.=" But well, I wanted to be drunk, somehow. So I kept drinking even when I wasn't biten. But I didn't. There was only this red hot feeling, that somehow makes me feel the same way I did on that very day. Haha, I didn't drink that much I guess, but just constantly drinking. Haha it was funny when Andy's friend asked me if I'm thirsty, she could get me ice water, I don't have to keep drinking that. HAHA.

Perhaps they thought I'm drunk, coz I kept quiet most of the time. But actually, there were just something on my mind. Eventually, I end up sitting outside the pub alone, as usual. I don't know. I like it that way, much better.

Anyway, don't feel guilty or what hor, andy. It wasn't because of the environment, it was something else. =) And all the best to you, dear friend. Though you seriously have to train up if you wanna keep awake in the pub next time. But well, sleeping like this was a cute way to...*ahem*. I think you pulled it off. Haha.

Andy, look at yourself sleeping. Haha. Well, at least you didn't sleep in an ugly manner.

Hmmm, now I'm gonna find a way to get myself to sleep. Damn! Why don't I fall asleep after drinking like normal human being. And oh GOD, stop making me so awake! I hate it!

~Kaze

Even getting drunk is quite a tough task, you see...

I wanna be happy, again.

2007-05-23T23:42:00.000+08:00

I wanna be a cat. At least most people will pass by them saying they're cute, even when they're just sleeping. I want to sleep like them. Just wake up 1 hour a day to fill my stomach and then go back to sleep. What a good life... Meow!

Just feel like sending every lonely soul in the world a big smile =)

If I could, I would like to see myself with a big smile in every of my photos. I don't know how they do it, but they seem so happy in every photo. Sometimes, I just had to look into my reflection and smile at him. I know it's wrong to force yourself to smile. It's alright to smile, just for yourself.

Feel like going back to my childhood. It's funny, but at least I'm smiling most of the time back then... nothing much to worry about. Feel like having someone "hem" a melody to me while I fall asleep. I would love to hear you sing, it doesn't matter how awful it is, the truth is, I just wanna hear your voice.

Hmmm, just some random thoughts again... my wish now is simple... I just wanna feel "Happiness" again...

~Kaze

A "good night" message could send me smiling the whole night, I guess.

The Pursuit of HappYness

2007-05-23T15:05:00.000+08:00

Just watched the movie "The pursuit of happyness". It is a nice show, yet again...my type of show. A show which I wanted to watch ever since it came out...but due to some reasons, well, didn't wanna watch alone. The show is basically about A father trying to give the best for his family. The whole show begins with him selling this bone density scanner. He had to sell 2 per month to get it through a month, and 1 more to pay those parking tickets. And he hasn't been selling any recently. One day, he saw this guy with this expensive car, and he asked him, "What do you do, and how do you do it?" And that guy told him he's a stockbroker. So he decided to try his luck and become one. He tried so hard, trying to get the internship, and he eventually got it. But what he do not know is that there's no salary during that internship. His wife later left him and went to New york to work. And he insisted on taking the son. During that internship, people have to make profit for the company for 6 months, and the highest wins, and that one person will get the job. So he work very hard, while running and selling Bone density scanner at the same time to earn a living. He eventually sold all, but then the government took all his money away because he didn't pay the taxes. He's now left with $21.33 in his bank account.

There was this one scene which was really so sad... He had to bring his son to sleep in the subway's toilet because he simply got nowhere else to go. People knocking outside, and you see him crying for the first time. The wonderful thing about this show is his determination. He can appear all good the next day and go to work. There was this one scene which really show one thing. Rich people DO NOT understand the poor. Yeah, they might go on saying they understand but they do not. $5 means so much to him. And he had to pay for a cab fare for a so-called CEO or someone of that Brokerage film or something. That particular line when the CEO said "I'll pay you back, honest." Well sometimes, the thing isn't about paying back or something. It's about how can this poor man survive if you take away this $5 from him?

There's this one scene where he and his son were in this church and before going to bed, his son told him, "You're a good papa." Well don't know for you guys, but it really touched me...

Well I won't go on further by spoiling the show for you. Go watch it yourself. It's a good show, to me...though some people says it sucks. But well, I've always hate people who said a particular movie sucks, coz can you come up with an exact same film?

And by the way, this show is based on a true story. Yes, it IS true. And this guy has just sold a minority stake in his brokerage film in a multi-million dollar deal last year in 2006, thanks to his determination.

And one more thing, just in case you're wondering, I didn't spell the title wrongly... It is "The pursuit of happYness"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We can't control how other people choose to live their lives. But we can help by living ours to the fullest. =)

~Kaze

Maybe happiness is something that we can only pursue.
And maybe we can actually never have it, no matter what.

Daydream of the neverland...

2007-05-23T05:47:00.000+08:00

5.47am~

Today didn't do much, spent the night with andy, yet again...walking and walking was all we did. From orchard to chinatown. As usual, I'm doing all the talking most of the time... Yea, I know there's something bothering him but well, it won't do any good talking about it. On the other hand, talking about some other stuff will be better.

Yea, I do wonder why do we get all these shit? Well, perhaps I'm having those "sweet" memories that others might not be having... But having those makes it harder to forget you see. Well it's so "early" in the morning, and I wonder what's these two libra guys still doing staying up so "early" in the morning. Don't know... we both can't go to sleep.

You know, most of the time I do smile when I think of stuff that happened... But my heart is feeling the opposite instead. Those words never fail to melt my heart. But now it's like a layer of cold icy water is added on those words. Those memories are just like scenes of my life...and those scenes are still so clear to me even now... The exact words said, the exact place we were at, the exact things we did, the settings, the exact lighting, and perhaps, the exact time... Reviving me isn't impossible I guess... just that it takes time... a really long time probably.

I once believed that no one will like me, I was wrong.
I once believed I wouldn't have the courage, I was wrong.
I once failed and I thought this time it'll be fine, I was wrong.

I've been posting so much about love and stuff in this particular blog. I wouldn't say it was stupid, though some people might. But I wonder... when is this gonna stop? I realised one thing, that not everything has an ending. I'm one who do things based on "feelings". Everything I do, I do it with a purpose, "Simply because I feel like it". Sometimes I can walk to certain place just simply because I feel like it. Sometimes I don't eat simply because I don't feel like eating anything...Feelings plays such a big part to me. Perhaps one day, when I've lost all feelings, there'll be an ending. Ok all these are crap la, I also don't know what am I saying le... It's just so hard for me to convey some feelings through words coz I'm not good at it. I guess that makes me lose out...

I know all these are so random...and it's kinda boring... hearing the same stuff over and over again... But isn't that how I'm feeling? Again and again, it never fails to make me wanna cry out loud. It never fails to make me miss this someone so much. I guess that makes me worst than a girl bah...hmmm...

~Kaze

I know I shouldn't, but I'm Missing you away, so badly I feel like I could cry...
But I know it wouldn't help, it'll just spoil my eyes, so I won't.

Simple love

2007-05-22T18:45:00.001+08:00

Love is simple.
I like you, you like me, let's get together.
No need for romantic stuff like "I Love You",
coz you know I do love you.
No need for tricks and hints,
coz you might just end up spending your whole life hinting.
Love is simple.
Yes, or no. Choose one, and simply answer.

~Kaze

All that I ask for, is just a simple love.

Music and lyrics

2007-05-22T17:11:00.000+08:00

"Way back into love"

I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need em again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
Oh oh oh

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere
I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not just somebody just to get me throught the night
I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end
There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration, not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the end

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The is the lyrics to the song "Way back into love" from the motion picture "Music and lyrics". To me, it's a nice show, probably my type of movie. There're lot's of songs, and few of it sounded like oldies...but obviously they're not, they're just made for this movie. This movie is about an artiste named Alex Fletcher(Hugh grant), previously in a rock 'n' roll band named "PoP!" Obviously, like The beatles, the band was no more. He came out with his own solo, but wasn't successful and he sort of gave up. All he's doing now is performing at event or parties, until a young female artiste named Cora(Haley bennett) asked him to write a song for her, about her broke-up with her boyfriend. Sophie Fisher(Drew barrymore) is Alex's new "plant-lady", hired to take care of his plants. Alex soon discovered Sophie's true talent, writing. He then insist on Sophie writing the lyrics for him, while he do the melody. They eventually came up with this song called "Way back into love" and more things happened afterwhich. This is a very nice show if you're one like me, or a romantic individual. And there's one more song which I liked very much, "Don't write me off" as the lyrics were meaningful in the movie itself, Alex trying to win back sophie's heart... Wooot.... I didn't expect that part to happen... That song sure was nice.

I've added most songs from the motion picture soundtrack album, except for some sang by Haley bennett which I don't really like. There're two versions of "Way back into love", one of which is sang halfway through the movie by Drew barrymore and Hugh grant titled Demo version) which I like very much. The other is sang by Haley bennett and Hugh grant near the end of the show...It's good, but just that the music isn't as nice and suitable for this song. More piano is good...haha.

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"Don't write me off "

It's never been easy for me
To find words to go along with a melody
But this time there's actually something on my mind
So please forgive these few brief awkward lines
Since I met you my whole life has changed
It's not just my furniture you've re-arranged
I was living in the past
But somehow you've brought me back
and I haven't felt like this since before Frankie said relax
and now I know based on my track record
I might not seem like the safest bet
All I'm asking you is
Don't write me off just yet

For years I've been telling myself the same old story
That I'm happy to live off my so called former glories
but you've given me a reasonto take another chance
now I need you despite the fact
that you've killed all my plants
and now I know
i've already blown more chances
than anyone should ever get
all I'm asking you is
don't write me off just yet
don't write me off just yet

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This movie makes one wanna fall in love again...whether you've already had your other halves or not... You know what I mean...=)

~Kaze

Don't write me off just yet......=(

The day that doesn't seems right...

2007-05-20T22:27:00.001+08:00

Today didn't feel good. Don't know why. The whole day is like so restless. Met two friends for dinner but well, I don't have any appetite...for anything. Seriously, I don't feel like eating anything. I feel like vomiting instead. In the end, I ordered this Char kwey tiao which I didn't finish...then we shared this sting ray which seems tasteless to me.

And for the first time, I wanted to go home... I left on my own right after dinner... they went back to Vivo to walk walk. But I just don't feel right. I can't say I don't feel well, coz I'm not really sick, but it's just that everything don't seems right. I'm seriously so restless today... They were still having satay while I'm like supporting my head with my hand, resting... And my stupid hair isn't right, everyone's saying I look like a girl, fine! I KNOW! SHUT UP! I'm gonna get haircut soon, not cut till very short, but make layers...it's too thick now...DAMN!

And so, after a whole day that doesn't seems right, I'm finally back home blogging away. And I'm still not feeling right. Maybe I'm just tired...sleeping so late last night and getting up so early this morning...

Sometimes, I don't like people asking me about some things... And they know very well, coz I show it very well... Yet, they continue to pursue...until they get an answer which doesn't even concern them... Why do they care? Well they're definitely not giving any advice...... Don't they know that it'll just make me think of so much things again? I mean, the day was good, everything was fine and you just had to ask me that question, and always putting in such a manner that makes me think that you think of it as a joke. Well it's NOT a joke to me! It's my life you're talking about!

Anyway, today was a bad day, so it doesn't really matter if it gets any worst. Just wished you were there to brighten up my day, or night...

Seriously, I like the night better than the day... So much better, there're stars for me to see... So beautiful...haha. And it's cooling, and it's quiet. It's just this mood that makes everything seems...right...

~Kaze

I wonder if my life's being narrated...

Our brains are not "ours'"

2007-05-20T00:26:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I wonder why am I born a guy? I dislike sports, I hate soccer, I don't play arcade, I don't like car racing, I'm not physically fit as a guy "should" be. And yeah, people say I look like a girl. Well, perhaps it's true, there's nothing about me that look like a guy.

Why are we controlled by our brains? Shouldn't we try to control our brains? We're born in this world, without any knowledge. Then we're being taught what our parents stupidly "think" it's "right". From young, we know that a ball, is round. When you see a car with two wheels, you think it's wierd. Everyone will be looking at this two-wheels car and saying, "Look! That car ONLY have two wheels!" There you go again, why did you use that word "only"?

Perhaps you will say that's what everyone's doing/thinking. Defy it, and everyone will say you're wierd. Well define "Wierd". Did I tell you that you people seems "weird" to me? If this is how it's gonna be, I'd rather be wierd, than be like everyone else, who seems wierd to me.

"It doesn't matter how long my hair is or what colour my skin is or whether I'm a woman or a man."

"Who's to say that dreams and nightmare aren't as real as the here and now?"

"I'm not going to change the way I look or the way I feel to conform to anything. I've always been a freak. So I've been a freak all my life and I have to live with that, you know. I'm one of those people."

"When you're drowning, you don't say 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would have the foresight to notice me drowning and come and help me', you just scream."

~Kaze

I thank god, for letting me see things that others don't see...

Singapore, not big, nor small...

2007-05-19T05:11:00.000+08:00

5.16 am ~

Just reached home and bathe...
Today spent the whole day searching for nice movies to download... Then just when I thought this is how the day will end, Kaixin msn me and andy, beggin us to go out with her, go watch movie...haha. Well by the time I went out, it's already 7pm. So we reached cineleisure, bought our tickets for the 11.20pm show. And we went to have pasta at pastamania. Well, the food wasn't that nice as usual... and kaixin kept complaining the pasta is so spicy...haha. I ordered the same thing as her, and I add Tabasco...haha, they must be thinking I'm crazy...haha.

Before we went in the cinema, Kaixin saw many friends around cineleisure...haha, I mean a few times and is different people, but all she know de...dots. I wonder when can I get so much friends...hmmm. Well, the movie was nice, it was funny, well it's ultimately a show by Ben stiller, the producer of this movie, "Blades of Glory". We laughed alot in the cinema, well some was lame, but some were really funny. When the show was ending, I messaged my dad asking him to pick us up, but later found out that they want to chill out abit first. So we went to long john to have Ice lemon tea, and it was really ICE lemon tea, full of ice. =.=" We or rather I, kept talking crap, making lame jokes...well at least I managed to get them to laugh a little. Then we walked our way to the "Bapok" Kopitiam, haha known to have lot's of them there. But well, we fail to see them everytime I go with andy. Anyway, he suggested to have dessert, omg, he sure eat alot man...he even finished up part of the pasta that kaixin can't finish. Haha.

Then the rest of the night was boring...I mean we walked our way to esplanade...and sat down for a while, talking about some stuff. And yea, forgot to mention, I was running for toilet whole day long...omg, my this stupid toilet craze is back...haha...toilet freak eh? Anyway, abit guilty that we drag till so late then go home, resulting kaixin to get scolded or lectured from her mum... Hmmm, well I didn't know my dad will take so long...... But well, didn't want to spend so much taking cab, even if it's sharing... Can save jiu save bah... Don't know when is my next pocket money coming... Sigh. Seriously, I need a job, but I'm just to lazy to look for one. haha...lazy bum!

And so...the day ended just like this, or rather, the night. It's gonna be 6am soon, and I'm still blogging away...where do I get all this energy from, I wonder...? Perhaps everytime when I got home, being the only one awake... I start to think of some stuff... and it can keep me sitting down there thinking and thinking, practically stoning away...

Sleeping is wasting time...I believe...If you sleep 8 hours per day, you would've slept your 20 years away by the time you reach 60 years old. Scary eh? But it's the fact. But we need to rest...if not we can't continue going. So I guess we should just sleep enough and never more, never less. Haha, of coz, this is just pure crap...we're not robots...like that guy in "Stranger than fiction", so systematic...haha. And it will be too boring if this is our life. I need to have some interesting stuff happening to me occasionally, or I can die living... =) But well, nothing interesting's happening to me recently...so I guess I'm dying away, logically, due to my living. =P Abstract eh? I love this kind of stuff...haha...yea, me=wierdo.

You know, sometimes I wished that Singapore's bigger...and there're more things for me to see...more for me to experience. But sometimes, I wished Singapore's smaller... so small that I can see you whenever I think of you......

~Kaze

To you, I may seem like a small little fly who flied passed your window,
But to me, you seem like a beautiful butterfly that stays in my
garden...

The death of a snail, and a bunch of Fuckers!

2007-05-18T01:31:00.000+08:00

Deleted my last post. It was just some nonsense I guess. And I don't want to have it on my blog. In prevention of misunderstanding that might happen. hah. Guess yesterday night wasn't that fine, but I'm ok now.

Woke up this morning being so damn tired...don't know why, perhaps because I've been sleeping 4 or 5am everyday... I forced myself to wake up coz I had to meet wei qi at 2pm, and his house isn't that near to mine. As I sit on the sofa, I realise the sky being so bright, I took a glance and saw those beautiful clouds. Haven't seen such beautiful clouds in Singapore for a long time...haha, too much polutions is causing all those clouds to turn grey...=.="

Nice eh? Ignore the colour, that's due to my phone's camera, and I had to edit with photoshop. But if you're seeing it with your own eyes, it's 50 x nicer...haha!

Went to city hall, then orchard with wei qi, coz he wanted to buy some clothes and jeans...and now he want to buy a cap =.=" Then we went to the Museum to see Leo's installation... Well we both thought there were alot...but actually it's just ONE installation.

The installation shows two sides of soft toys. One side being the normal soft toys teddy bears etc, and the other side are soft toys with faces of alien-like creatures. Leo must have gotten inspiration from Ultraman's monsters, coz seriously some of them look like some monsters in Ultraman. Haha. Anyway, He's trying to tell that, children used to play with normal toys such as teddy bear, and adult kill just to fill their stomach. However, as time passes, now children play toys with violence, and adult kill for desire and power. Perhaps this idea has been going on in his mind when he was teaching us on the theme "Toys". This installation is called "The attack of the flies" by the way.

Sigh... I stepped on a snail and crushed it just outside the museum... I'm still feeling uneasy and sad for that snail now. I didn't know it was there. It was dark, no light. I stepped on something and I heard this loud crack and the next thing i know I turned and see, I can't even see what it is. Wei qi told me it was a snail. Well it's really not so much about the sticky things on my shoe. It's like I feel so bad crushing that snail, killing a life. Well perhaps I'm just stupid thinking so much bah... But well, it may mean nothing to other people, but I just...sigh. I don't even step on ants. Sometimes I almost fell and sprain myself just to avoid one small little ant. But to me, an ant is a life. A snail is a life. Even though it's an ant, or a snail, it's still a life. I always like to ask people this, "If you were that ant, what would you be thinking?"

I'm feeling so damn guilty now... I don't think I'm gonna forget it so soon. Sigh. SORRY dear snail... Well I guess that added on another sin for me bah... =(

And when I was waiting for a bus at habourfront, there was this guy, keep asking his friend "Just tell me! Got Biaa... bo?" And he kept asking and asking... and it just pissed me off. Fucking give respect to your dear friend there, he doesn't even want to answer that. And it's other people's privacy. And fuck I hate this kind of people... "Bia" is the only thing they can think of when talking about girls. I hope he dies a horrible death. If I'm allowed to, I will gladly strip him naked and let a dog bite off his *ahem*. And I shall see how the hell he "Bia" without that thing. Fucking bastard. Since they like to FUCK so much, I can't find a better word to describe them,"FUCKERS". But I guess while killing one of these bastards, ten other bastard are being born in the world. There's no use killing just him. And no use teaching them how to respect, coz they won't learn. At this age, he still doesn't learn, there's nothing more we can do but to share this small little world with the likes of him, though I'd rather die than to see one of them again. Fucking spoil mood! Respect please!

And btw, today wasn't fun and I didn't enjoy it, and I'm fucking tired now. I really need someone to make my day man... This little flower over here is dying away...Please I need some water...and an extra bits of care...=)

~Kaze

Waiting to be free......

Mood-less

2007-05-16T23:38:00.000+08:00

Changed the header picture for my blog. I guess a black background picture suits more for this current blog skin. The previous picture was nice, to me, but I guess people may just find it stupid. Well it doesn't matter.

This picture was done very quickly using photoshop. Coz I can't think of anything else. Don't really have that mood to draw. In fact, I don't have mood for anything. Well just now I bought a few games... but just no mood to play too. I'm like dying away...

This song "With or without you", may be the only thing that I have the mood to listen now. Don't know why, but I'm starting to like this song. "nothing left to lose"..."I can live...with or without you..." Perhaps it's true, but just that my life's not as "beautiful" as before anymore.

Am I on the right path?

Sigh...recently have been craving for this crispy seaweed...haha...and havent get the chance to eat yet. Always forgot to buy. =.=" Lazy to do down to cheers just to buy that...sigh... Can someone do me a favour and mail me that crispy seaweed? Hmmm hot and spicy flavour will be best...=)

~Kaze

There're things I want to know,
things that I care,
things that I want to hear you say...