How will today be?

How will today goes? Will it go as I've wished or will it be the opposite instead. Yesterday Night before sleeping...My second sister had a fight with my dad. It was so serious that my dad kept shouting to chase her out of the house. It really hurts seeing my family become like this although I didn't say a thing. I lie on my bed listening to my eldest sister's counselling. Tears just come down all of a sudden. She was asking my second sis, "Do you know how bad papa feel? Not being able to provide you more, giving you more education? Do you know how bad he feels?" It just strike me at that moment, he's providing me with education now in Lasalle with his hard-earned money. But am I really working hard enough? I don't think I am. For that moment, I just feel glad that I have such a good father. I used to quarrel with him, and we didn't talk for few weeks. He later found out that I have not enough money to spend and initiated the "peace-talk".

Why does money controls us? We quarrel because of money, we starve because of money, we steal because of money, we die because of money. We're unable to do many things without money. Even when you talk about love, ask yourself this, "Does money really doesn't matter?"

Well anyway, I will live my life to the best...I will. I must be strong. Even if today doesn't turn out nice, I will accept that fact that perhaps I should just let you go. You're getting so stressed up everyday, having to make decision everyday...Can you even concentrate on your work? Perhaps you can, but I can't. The closer it gets to assessment, the more I'm afraid that we will drift apart after the school ends. I really don't want that to happen, even if we're just friends...But I can't help but think that it will happen. Perhaps you need no one, to you, we're just friends you can't bear to hurt by saying No.

Well was listening to the song, "Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps." by cake and the lyrics really say what I'm feeling. Today might be another day living in mental torture but I will live it happily. =)

Thanks.
~Kaze