I remember...

I remember...
a beautiful afternoon.

Saturday, June 30, 2007

Silent Shout!

Hate my schedule!

but i know they need ppl, so I kept quiet.

Hate working so late, but I know they're short of people, so I kept quiet and even stay more than what I was paid. half to 2/3 hour everyday adds up alot you know?

Hate this company's way of managing finance.

I haven't even get my pay, and I have to pay the company. What the hell. If shortage of cash means everyone that has touched the cash register must pay, then Mr Henry from HQ did a few transaction too, with an intention of helping. Does that means he has to pay in order to be fair?

Fuck this la.

I'm running out of cash le. Still must pay this unexpected shortage. I kept quiet, but am cursing loudly inside.

And also, I think maybe I'm too tired le la. Getting so frustrated so easily. Anyone that gets in my way now will receive a good scolding from me, anyone!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! In a bad bad mood. feel so uneasy inside. sigh. calm me down before I kill someone... !

~Kaze


Silent Shout......!

Friday, June 29, 2007

I'd like to...

Don't know why. But I'm just feeling so stressful, uncomfortable, frustrated today.

Just not in a very good mood. I mean, still joking around here and there but actually that's how I go about living everyday. But who actually knows what I'm thinking or how I'm feeling inside? Today. I'm just not feeling right. I look at my customers like I'm half-dead. Everything I do, I feel so damn wrong. And there she go again giving me stress on selling my massagers. God damn those massagers la. If customers want to buy, then buy la. It's not like I don't want to serve. I serve everyday as per normal. How the fuck will I know how many I can sell for the whole day? And what the hell do I gain for meeting my target? A sense of satisfaction from selling massagers? =.="'

Anyway. Just a fucked up day la. I got to go exactly at 9pm today, but what's the point? I got no where to go but home. If only my workplace is at town, perhaps I will go boat quay sit sit. Just take a break, doing something I like. Sitting quietly along the river.

And it seems like work is the only thing happening right now. I would like to take a break and catch a movie. Sit along the river, listen to my music. and then once in a while, surprise me with abit of sweetness. Have a supper sitting at beach, gazing upon the stars...

And if possible, send someone to accompany me for this day. haha.

my mouth's smiling... =(

~Kaze


I know you could cheer me up easily. =/

Thursday, June 28, 2007

More sugar please! =/

Maybe sometimes we feel afraid but it's alright. All you need is just someone to calm you down with bits and pieces of sweetness. Even small little words that formed a sweet little sentence can melt one's heart and make all your stress go away......

And this is just what I need...

hope you're doing fine.

~Kaze

So I smile and try to mean it...

Monday, June 25, 2007

Say what you want to satisfy yourself...

For the past few days I've been busy working. Off day, doing illustration for my school magazine, which I think either chloe, who asked me to do, "cheated" me or nv choose mine. Coz she practically disappear after I sent her the file. Great. If really so, then all the credit will be hers. Sigh. Nvm la. as long as I'm not guilty of anything jiu hao. =) Same as work. I can't bring myself to lie to customers about anything. Even though I know that will help push sales. I'm one who will keep thinking about it if I lie about something. I will feel so uneasy. I guess I like to always sort of put myself in other people's perspective. Always thinking about what the other party will think if I say it this way or something. Which isn't a good thing I know. But I guess I just don't want to make anyone feel lousy becoz of something I said or did. I rather be the one feeling lousy. =)

Anyway, nothing really happened for me to say all these. Just feel like saying jiu say bah.

Now, I just want to smile and try to mean it, and let myself let go. Suddenly feeling so emo listening to "Any other world". Take me to any other world. Any. I'm tired of this one. Have nothing much to take with me. Hopefully I can make more friends in another world. I shall say goodbye to the world I thought I lived in.

Take a bow. Play the part, of a lonely lonely heart.

Say what you want to satisfy yourself
But you only want what everybody else says you should want


Haiz...hmmm think won't blog much in the future. Maybe stop le bah. Now andy won't have to complain about my blog views le. =)

~Kaze

Should I look older just to be put on your shelf?

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Any other world.

In any other world
You could tell the difference
And let it all unfurl
Into broken remenance

Smile like you mean it
And let youreself let go

Cos its all in the hands
Of a bitter bitter of man

Say goodbye to the world
You thought you lived in
Take a bow
Play the part
Of a lonely lonely heart
Say goodbye to the world
You thought you lived in
To the world you thought you lived in

I try to live alone
But lonely is so lonely
So human as I am
I had to give up my defences

So I smile and try to mean it
To make myself let go

Cos it's all in the hands
Of a bitter bitter man

Say goodbye to the world
You thought you lived in
Take a bow
Play the part
Of a lonely lonely heart
Say goodbye to the world
You thought you lived in
To the world you thought you lived in

Cos it's all in the hands
Of a bitter bitter man

Say goodbye to world
You thought you lived in
Take a bow
Play the part
Of a lonely lonely heart
Say goodbye to the world
You thought you lived in
Say goodbye to the world
You thought you lived in
Say goodbye to the world
You thought you lived in
Say goodbye to the world
You thought you lived in
Say goodbye to the world
You thought you lived in

To the world you thought you lived in

In any other world
you could tell the difference

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Do I attract you?
Do I repulse you with my queasy smile?
Am I too dirty?
Am I too flirty?
Do I like what you like?

I could be wholesome
I could be loathsome
I guess Im a little bit shy
Why dont you like me?
Why dont you like me without making me try?

I try to be like Grace Kelly
But all her looks were too sad
So I try a little Freddie
Ive gone identity mad!

I could be brown
I could be blue
I could be violet sky
I could be hurtful
I could be purple
I could be anything you like
Gotta be green
Gotta be mean
Gotta be everything more
Why dont you like me?
Why dont you like me?
Why dont you walk out the door!

How can I help it
How can I help it
How can I help what you think?
Hello my baby
Hello my baby
Putting my life on the brink
Why dont you like me
Why dont you like me
Why dont you like yourself?
Should I bend over?
Should I look older just to be put on the shelf?

I try to be like Grace Kelly
But all her looks were too sad
So I try a little Freddie
Ive gone identity mad!

I could be brown
I could be blue
I could be violet sky
I could be hurtful
I could be purple
I could be anything you like
Gotta be green
Gotta be mean
Gotta be everything more
Why dont you like me?
Why dont you like me?
Why dont you walk out the door!

Say what you want to satisfy yourself
But you only want what everybody else says you should want

I could be brown
I could be blue
I could be violet sky
I could be hurtful
I could be purple
I could be anything you like
Gotta be green
Gotta be mean
Gotta be everything more
Why dont you like me?
Why dont you like me?
Why dont you walk out the door!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm currently addicted to this album by Mika called "Life in cartoon motion". The songs in this album sound abit cartoon, animated, cute. Except for one song, "Any other world" which I like alot. Simple becoz it sounds emo. haha. and I would love to go to any other world and feel that difference.

Nothing much happening recently. Yesterday went to join andy and the rest of "Standardz" at the pub. Haha ya, me and whole of standardz. haha I extra. Sian la, at the pub. Maybe I too tired. Just sit at one corner. I'm not in the mood for games and stuff.

Everyone has someone that took a certain place in their heart. So do I. It won't fade away in any way, I believe. The portion of my heart will always belong to this someone. Even if there's someone else in the future, I believe there's always another part of my heart that she will take.

I know I'm tired. I will let my mind take a break. Hopefully when school reopens, I will get better. Shall let everything flow by itself bah. If this is my life, I shall take pride in it.

I've been working hard for 3 weeks. I wanna go out. Someone ask me out. I monday and saturday off next week. haha. Faster book hor. while stock last. :P

~Kaze

If you want me, just say so.


Thursday, June 21, 2007

"I miss you."

"I miss you"

have a few meanings.

I missed the time we had spent together.
I missed looking at you right into your eyes.

Right now, "I miss you" means I missed the things that had yet happen to us......

I wanna make it happen, but I guess I'm just dreaming.

~Kaze

Does "I miss you" mean anything to you?

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

How's life?

How's life?

I'm glad you asked.
Missing so many things in my life...
How great can it be?
I miss those days,
when I can hear your laughter and see your smile,
everyday.

~Kaze

would you smile with me once more?

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Wasted my life.

Today was a disappointment and a waste of time and money.

I actually get off to do the magazine layout, but then I basically wasted the whole day. And I didn't enjoy any moments of it because of that I think. I kept thinking that I got things to do. And also, I'm just wondering around at arcade with andy and yuan chong. Then watch about two movies at home later which I've watched before. Then finally go for a stupid movie which I'm gonna kill andy for that. You didn't waste 1hr 20mins, you wasted 4hrs actually. (1hr 20mins X 3). =.="'

And there goes my off day. Well, one more off day to go and I don't know if I can finish something quick in the next few hours. Hope so. But then, I don't need sleep liao. fuck. I'm fuck tired. zzz.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sometimes I feel like I'm missing something. And it's making me so uncomfortable and it's distracting. I don't really know what it is, coz I think there's alot I'm missing.

Hope I can feel "complete" and not missing anything soon. Coz I know I can go crazy one day anytime. I'm those crazy ppl, you know. It won't be strange if you wake up one day and find out that I'm dead.

Please, let me enjoy, I don't wanna feel like I'm wasting time. I may not have much time to lose. You never know.

My stomach's making noises now... I'm hungry. And my eyes are closing... And my head's feeling giddy... Almost fell two times coz I lost balance because of that. Don't know what's wrong with me la. I just want a normal life! God, damn you!

~Kaze



Walking down the streets alone, without a someone like you to phone.

Monday, June 18, 2007

Back into my shell.

I think I'm gonna hide back into my shell again. Until there's someone able to make me come out again. =)

Which I seriously doubt this person will appear in the near future. haha.
Nothing moves me anymore. For now.

I'm sick of this.
I'm trying my best to smile.
Yet every night...

I wish upon a star......

All the best to everyone.
Perhaps I'm gonna close the blog soon.

"Smile..."
Falling asleep. Don't wanna wake up.

~Kaze



Where are you?

Sunday, June 17, 2007

=/

"Infatuation"

Baby, I don’t want to spend my life on trial
For something that I did not do
And maybe if you stopped and looked around some time
I wouldn’t pass right by you

Maybe it’s because you are so insecure
Maybe your pain don’t care
Maybe it’s the chase that really gets me off
I fall so when it’s just not there

Burn another bridge, break another heart
Try again, it will only fall apart

Infatuation
Not seeing the rest of you is getting the best of me
It’s such a shame that you shot me down
It would have been nice to be around
I’m touching your skin
If it’s only a fancy, then why is it killing me?
I guess this must be infatuation (I want it…)

Try to put my finger on what burns me up
It always seems to escape me
And when you have decided that you’ve had enough
Just tell me where I need to be

Now her face is something that I never had
To ever deal with before
She left me with the feeling that she’d had enough
And I’m the one wanting more

Burn another bridge, break another heart
Try again, it will only fall apart

Infatuation
Not seeing the rest of you is getting the best of me
It’s such a shame that you shot me down
It would have been nice to be around
I’m touching your skin
If it’s only a fancy, then why is it killing me?
And I guess this must be infatuation (I want it…)

I’m so attracted to you
The feeling’s mutual too
And I get scared the moment you leave
Get so hot I forget to breathe, yeh

Infatuation
Not seeing the rest of you is getting the best of me
It’s such a shame that you shot me down
It would have been nice to be around
I’m touching your skin
If it’s only a fancy, then why is it killing me?
I guess this must be infatuation (I want it…)
Ooh (I want it…)
Ooh (I want it…)
Yeh… (I want it…)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So tired I can't move. Headache get so badly sometimes I can't even do my things.

I really don't have time for anything else.

I guess I'm tired of trying so hard.
I can't read minds
and I'm tired of trying to.
The thing about one-sided is that it reduces the percentage to perhaps just 10%.
While two-sided means an 80%.

Perhaps nobody knows what I'm saying, but nvm. I'm just tired.
I think it's time...

Maybe sometimes I got it wrong. Sometimes I feel afraid.
Why do I take care to astound you. Why do I even try?
It's just another rainy day...
Everytime I think of you, I get a shot right through with a bolt of blue.

~Kaze





Let it go.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Happy wannabe. =)

Libra are interesting ppl.
They are lame people, but yet not very lame, make jokes that can make you laugh.
They tell lies to make u happy and laugh, but then admit it later.
They are very concern about their physical appearance.
They are happy go lucky people.
But when they have some things inside them, they don't say it out.

This is what my colleague said. Is it true? I don't know. But I sure hope I can be Happy-go-lucky for the days to come... and just keep smiling.

I want to stay happy. Help me be.
I want to have friends that can make me smile everyday, keeping me busy.

~Kaze

It's been awhile since I gaze upon the night sky.

Friday, June 15, 2007

Why can't we be friends?

"Why can't we be friends?"

Why can’t we be friends (4x)

I seen ya, I seen ya, I seen ya ’round for a long long time
I really, I really, I really remember when you drank my wine

Why can’t we be friends (4x)

I seen ya, I seen ya, I seen ya walkin’ down in chinatown
I called ya, I called ya, I called but you did not look around
I pay my, I pay my, I pay my money to the welfare line
I seen ya, I seen ya, I seen ya standing in it everytime

Why can’t we be friends (4x)

The color, the color, the color of your skin don’t matter to me
As long as, as long as, long as we can live in harmony
I kinda, I kinda, I kinda, like to be the president
And I could, and I could, and I could show you how your money’s spent

Why can’t we be friends (4x)

Sometimes I don’t speak right
But did I know what I was talking about
I know you’re working for the cia
They wouldn’t have you in the mafia

Why can’t we be friends (4x)
(repeat to fade)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Just happen to came across this song at such a time. When i can really relate to this song.
Why can't we be friends...?

There're people asking why did I took so many days off. Well this is why :



This seems easy to make, but took alot of tries for a first-timer like me. Notice there's something on the grass, around the pig?


The card I made.


To be honest, I loved this drawing. Hope it's being taken good care of. Haven't draw with pencil for quite some time, especially humans. Now hope I didn't mess up.

Actually, I really don't know if I should put all these on my blog. I mean, all these isn't to prove anything. I don't wanna prove anything and I'm afraid people might think this way. Some people ask me why am I doing all these. Actually I do not know for sure. I just know I want to do it, and I'm happy doing it. And I guess that's enough. I'm not picaso. I cannot create a masterpiece. But everything I did, meant something to me.

hmmm, I wonder why...?

~Kaze

Why can't we be friends?

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Happy birthday.

I don't know how to explain how I feel right now.

I'm tired, I'm exhausted. But I just can't ask myself to say goodbye this way. Though now I've did something that made me feel better. It seems like a sort of goodbye. Have finally reached the ending. Kinda dissappointing not being able to give it personally.

I was lying on my bed thinking. I wonder if I was thought of. I wonder if everything's gonna be alright. I've so much to say, so much to hope for, yet I know the very little amount I could do. The very bit just to tell her to take care, when I'm not there now... I don't know how far can I go, but I know this is the least I could do.

Time passes so slow while on the bed, well, at least the memories flashback were fast. So fast I'm not sure if I can catch up. It's an unexplanable feelings I'm having right now. So much I'd want to say or do, yet there's this forcefield that's stopping me from doing. It's this feeling that had made me feel so uncomfortable for so long and finally I couldn't take it anymore. And, I did it again... I knew this was coming, just couldn't stop myself. I know I have to let it out. I know what she'll say if she knew, but I just couldn't help.

I hope this is the last time. I hope I'll be able to smile for the days to come.

And so. It's yet another wednesday for such a memorable day. It started on a wednesday. I held your hands tight. I wished to hold you tight once more. Everytime I think of you. I just couldn't forget you, but if it's a goodbye you wish for, at least this way is the best.

Don't know what more to say...

All the best to you. Happy birthday.

Now I feel physically and mentally tired, working my ass off for the past few days.
And I'm dying of hunger I think. Falling sick soon I guess.

"She brought you something special when she came here, didn't she? That's what you hold on to. That's how you keep her alive."

~Kaze



Why can't we be ourselves like how we did yesterday?

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Low morale.

Finally finish...

super tired. But now it's like kinda demoralising.

Sigh. Just don't feel good la.

How I wish i lead a smooth life...

good night.

~Kaze


I think I know where I stand to you... nvm. I'm fine.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Men

Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.

Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.
See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Pass this to as many men as you can -to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can -to give them a bigger laugh.

~Kaze


Busy...stressed...tired.

Sunday, June 10, 2007

life for now...

Tired.

Even other staff at ps can see I'm tired, without me saying. My eyes are all red, I know. Sian sia, I like ps so much better la. J8 is like so boring. All those staff so serious. Even customers also say they don't smile. Forget about talking. As for vivo, the in-charge wasn't there when I was there yesterday so don't know la. But i heard he's very strict and alot of ppl don't like him. Anyway, those two outlets are like "friend-friend" la. So that explains my schedule for next week. Vivo, J8, Vivo, J8, Vivo, J8. fuck la!

When I work at ps, don't feel like I'm wasting time. But other outlets is like wasting my holiday time. Fuck la. Just don't want to spend my holiday like this. Damn!

Anyway, life's just ok lor. Nothing much. Boring la. Still haven't get my surprise? And still thinking of alot of stuff la. Now I can't even go out la, part-time is like whole day...zzz sian 1/2.

Lots of wishes...that I know may not come true la. But nvm that's why they're call wish, isn't it?

I still believe that quote, " When you want something really badly and wishes for it? God is the one that ignores you."

To myself : "cheer up pls!"

and ya one more thing, good luck andy. And enjoy your trip to japan. Won't be able to send u off. Safe trip home hor.

~Kaze

=/ zzz...zzz =/

Friday, June 08, 2007

So sick.

Bad headache. Can't concentrate. Sigh. Hungry. Last night didn't have any dinner. Then now no breakfast and I'm going to work liao. Fuk sia. I hate their management la. It's understandable that 15 mins aren't even enough for me to queue up to get my food la. Fuckin crap company.

~Kaze


I'm so sick... zzz =.="'

Successfully pissed me off and wasted my time to prepare something.

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Thursday, June 07, 2007

Am I sick?

2.45am~

Just came back from watching the show "Zodiac" with andy and yuan chong. Well, all those yahoo users says it was nice. Well, I personally think it IS nice, just that I still don't understand alot of stuff due to my english standard. So maybe if I can just watch it a second time with english subtitles, maybe I'll find it better. Anyway, this show is pure talking for 2hrs 30 mins, cutting away the 6 mins credits I think, which makes the film 2 hrs 36mins. So if you're not up for another Da Vinci code ride, I suggest you find other show to watch. But it will be real nice I think, if you like this type of show.

You know, I won't say I'm sick if I'm just sneezing, or just feeling shivering cold, or just having double vision, or just getting giddy and unable to stand still, or just having a sore red left eye, or just aching neck at the back, or just having stomachache, or just having gastric, or just vomiting... But to have all the above happening to me right now at this very moment, I think I am, finally, sick. =/

So I wonder if I can stay up for few more nights to finish something, which is rather important to me. Hmmm, will try to.

Till then, I should get ready to declare, I'm sick.

~Kaze

So not feeling well...Arrrhhh....sigh.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

What do I look forward to?

2.31am~

been few hours since I reach home from work.

Well first day of work, one word. Boring. I don't enjoy at all. Seriously. There're a few customers. But it's like those customers don't even wanna buy la. I did explain and demo to them some products but it's like I'm just not good with sales. And I think the in-charge isn't very pleased with me. But the so-called second in-charge ask me to find something to do. Serve customers. But I'm serving la. Just that no customers, serve ghost ar? And I was sticking barcode on a mountain of products. And I thought since I've bring them down, why not stack it back orderly, seperating the two different colors. But then she just had to come and spoil everything, even stacking it wrongly. Then later I follow her way of stacking and she come and say wrong. And say I'm even worst than the other new-comer. It's like so @@#@$!#. But anyway, I said it in a sacastic way about it, and I think she gets it. She know it's her fault. Well not to blame anyone or what. but that sentence she said just pissed me off. I'm even worst? Come on, i got it all planned out and you came and stack every single thing randomly, and you even stick a barcode for the blue color, on a red, not to mention you stick it so anyhow. It's not straight at all.

But besides that, I think everyone's still ok. Perhaps all just acting or what I don't know. But so far, impression is all are nice people... just not very happy about that single incident.

Anyway, I came home speaking to my sis about all those problems action city's facing. haha. I, too am impressed how much problem I can picked out just from one day of work. And there she goes again, all those ideas to solve the problems. But now there's a bigger problem. Regarding the new concept. I don't think I can come up with a good idea. That "x-factor" just makes such a big difference. But I just don't know what it is. I can only say that, all those things came from "Ultraman", well I used it as an example.

Anyway, now it's way passed two and I havent even bathe. =.="' Sigh. I really hate doing sales.

Ok today, it's like I don't feel any better even when there's something for me to do. It's like the more i feel like shouting out loud. Just shout out. Really hate this kind of life. I really don't have any motivation to go on. I mean, when I was working last time, at least I looked forward to school starting. And I looked forward to every saturday movie mania. And I looked forward to the pay every month. But now? I don't really want that money that badly. I have no friends to go movie mania. I don't look forward to school reopens. I get only 15 mins of break which mean I had to swallow my McChicken as fast as possible and get back to work. What for, i mean?

I'm down down down to the pit. Give me something to look forward to, please?

I think now the only thing can make me look forward to, is sleep. Now I just want to sleep through every single day. At least my dreams seems more "real" to me. Hah. What a wonderful life.

If only I can design my own life...the way I want it, beautifully...Haha.

~Kaze


I believe there's god,
Coz I know one day I'm gonna kill him.

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Do dogs smile?

Hmmm, don't know if I can really concentrate working tomorrow. I mean, I've always been in my own world ever since, and I can't say I've fully recover, but still working on it bah.

Anyway, I'm going to start work tomorrow, so I guess that will kill my boredom bah. But somehow I don't really look forward to it. It's like nothing Really make me so interested. Really nothing. There's nothing for me to look forward to. I mean it's good I have something to do now, but. nevermind.

I don't know if I'm going the right direction. If it is, why am I not getting any better? And is what I think really the case? It seems like it is, but.

The last time I smile really so lively, was during the external group work. I really enjoyed, especially that day. It was a saturday. You know, a day when everything seems right? right where you want it to be.

Zhu tou? I missed calling that name. haha, it's random but just feel like saying la. nvm.

Blog is like the only place where I can really say things I wanna say. I know it makes no difference, people still read it, and it's like telling people indirectly. But i don't know, it's just different. And really, it has already become the so-called only "Person" i can talk to. It's like talking to a cat or something, which may not even understand you, but... Anyway, if I were to keep a pet, I think it will most likely hate me, coz I'll be telling lot's of things to it until it's bored to death.

Walking side by side, yet feel like so far apart...
Really don't know what went wrong.
Why did everything become like this?
All those talking, about still be friends?
Aren't really true when it comes to you.
In fact, no one can actually be that "normal".
I know, I understand
But let me have a chance to say
I think I still miss you...

I should be thinking how to get you back.
But I wonder why it is,
That some part of me tells me I'm a bother,
and the other telling me
"Go for it! pigs are smarter than you man."

I think being a pig may be better. I want to be a pig in the wild. Just running about doing nothing. Something I've been wondering, "Do dogs smile?" Interesting question? I think they do.

I hope tomorrow means a new fresh start. =)

~Kaze



Ni hai hao ma? =/

Sunday, June 03, 2007

Anyone miss me?

I seems to be having too much free time now. And I'm feeling damn bored. Actually thought of going to fish and co to work, but then sigh. I'm being damn lazy nowadays. I hope I can have the some motivation when school reopens hopefully. If not, I'll most likely slack again. It seems like I'm blogging everyday, coz it's like nothing better to do.

Today, didn't watch any movie. The whole day didn't feel that bored. I basically start holding pencil again, and started drawing. Haven't complete the drawing though. I think I'm taking too long. But it's like I never get it right. I really want this drawing to look as perfect as possible. I decided to do black and white coz I think colour will spoil the picture. Anyway, can't concentrate much, coz my mum is back home and she kept interrupting. And the fukin malays downstairs having marriage ceremony or wad till afternoon, and it's damn noisy. And my dad took the fan away, And I have no fan, so I'm like sweating while drawing. =.="' Actually I can bring out my fan in my room, but again, lazy.

All I can say is the more I draw, the more frustrated I become. Not only because of the hot weather, but also other reasons. And I ended up listening to maksim again, which is like my way of vending some anger. Blasting maksim. Anyway, I really don't know if I should be doing this drawing.

You know, the whole day though, I'm concentrating on drawing, but somehow my heart tells me it wants to go out and breathe some fresh air. I'm really utterly intensely stressed right now I guess. I really want to go out. I'm sensing another explosion in-coming. =/ Maybe I will go to sentosa on my own tomorrow. Hah. Or anywhere that can allow me to relax in peace. Boat quay maybe, but in the night most likely.

Every night, it ended with me realising how lonely I am, actually. I'm not those mix-around type and I guess I lose out coz of that. Even if I wanna mix-around, it's like I have little things to share with people, things that others will like.

My only wish at this very moment. I wish for one day when I know someone misses me. Anyone will do.

~Kaze


Whisper to me, holding me tight...

My biggest regret.

I know I've said that some things aren't really necessary to say out. But perhaps sometimes we do need to hear it. If one were to ask about my biggest regret, I would say even till now, I would like to hear how she feel. Even if it's only at that moment of time. I don't know how to put it, but it's like something which I'll never ever get to know, and it's hurting me everytime I think of it. I remembered I made a promise about not crying anymore. Well I'll try my best to smile, even if it's so hard.

It's ok to smile, for yourself.

~Kaze

You never know who's in love with your smile.

Friday, June 01, 2007

The eye

I wonder what's happening to my left eye. It's like it's constantly having liquid thingy coz it seems to be watery all the time. I mean, I don't know why but it's blurring my vision sometimes. And I wake up having all those sticky thing harden, only on my left eye. And one look you can tell my left eye is slightly swollen. fuk la. Don't know what happen, but I don't think it's my fringe, coz my fringe aren't covering my left eye. And it's seriously making me so frustrated... =.="' sigh... everything don't go well for me. And come to think of it. This year, I didn't wear my spectacles because of this. It was always my left eye hurting. Either itchy or swollen, or whatever... Wonder what's wrong with it. aiya, nvm... can't help also la... just nth better to blog. hah. Eh maybe I can go shoot another part of "The eye". Haha lame. -.-"

Life's boring. surprise me.

~Kaze

Struggling with my left eye... =/