Another rainy day

Today's another rainy day.

And it's perhaps the first time those raindrops fall on me since so long before. But it wasn't on purpose of coz.

Then the whole day is just pure boredom. I simply go and lie down on my bed the whole day. During the night, I watched "50 first dates" showing on channel 5. And it was a nice show. Haha. first dates eh? It's always the best. The very first time you hang out with that person? or meet that person? It's sweet. Hmmm, just wished I had the same memory loss thing. Everyday, is a first date for me. I really don't mind repeating that very day...and find ways to make it better or try new things? I think I can consider that day as my first date.

Before I get carried away... just wanna say it was a nice show. Just watch it if you ever get the chance. It's so sweet. But I seriously doubt I can think of so many different ideas for my first dates, like the guy in the movie. Haha...but he was a playboy, so I guess he has lots of experience.

Hmmm, and just watched finish "The hills have eyes 2" and it's not as nice as the first. Kinda expected actually. I mean the people in the first doesn't have any weapons, but the people in this one have guns, coz they're some military soldier on training. Anyway, don't wanna talk much about this show. It's quite disgusting actually.

Now those 50 first dates scene are actually more remembered than the ones in the other show. Perhaps it's because it's so sweet and beautiful that I kept thinking of it...haha. Though my story is a different case, but it's alright. I know one day that part of my story will come. And my life is still considered "okay" right now. Just not on the highest peak of my life as I said on my previous post. But you know what, I'm fine with "okay". Well don't have a choice, do I? I'll make my life the best, my story the one my kids will talk about someday. Someday......

I'd go the whole wide world to find you...!

And I just went to friendster and read the horoscope thingy for tmrw... I mean today, coz it's already past 12.

Libra:
Every single choice -- and every single mistake -- that you've made in your past has helped deliver you to where you are right now in your life. Your past might be behind you, but it will always be a part of you. Today you'll get to use some things that long-ago trials and tribulations taught you -- but those distant dramas will now seem terrifically amusing. Time heals all wounds, and it evens adds an aspect of humor to the bad times.

Hmmm, I got only one question. "Can I sue this person who wrote all these everyday?" coz it's like none of them are true. =.="' I mean, I'm sure there won't be any big drama today, coz most likely I'll just stay at home. =/ and perhaps, sleep pass another day. So I guess I'm gonna have a "Humorous" dream today? If you get what I mean...=.="'

~Kaze

"Why are my eyes filling up with these lonely tears,
When there're girls all over the world."

Just Thoughts.

4.04am~

Just reached home and bathe.
Hmmm, today went to have a haircut which then seems like the same though. I mean one look it's like I never cut. But anyway, I think it's ok, except for the fringe. Then went to meet Andy again to watch shrek 3. Well today, I waited the longest time for him. Almost an hour. But strangely, I don't feel angry. I was just sitting there having my drink and in my own world again. Anyway, it was kinda boring walking around without destination while waiting for the movie to start. But then... I feel like I needed that walk. Hmmm, the show was alright, but for me, I like the first 2 better. Well first is always better I guess. This one doesn't have that kick when watching the ending part. And the songs in this one isn't catchy.

Well, today's perhaps the first time I keep so quiet going out with him. Hmmm, I also don't know what I was thinking la. Just lots of stuff. Erm Andy, don't worry la, I'm fine. I'm not unhappy or what. I'm just not at the highest peak of my life now. Thank you for those little small talks you tried to make. I know and I appreciate. As usual, you're not good at talking, but you tried and I guess that done it. I felt better more or less, I guess. Hmmm, I know it's abit wrong to say to a guy? but well, good to have you as a friend, a brother(I'm older btw =)). At least you pay attention to my emotions every now and then, Hah. And you seems to get it right most of the time. And no I'm not gay...but thanks......for...anything, everything bah...haha dunno wad to say. I mean, maybe to you is nothing, but perhaps it's just that it just helps having someone around now. Fuk la dunno wad I saying. fuck it. nvm.

Hmmm, and you should cherish your family now bah, I mean, you're already quite fortunate than most people, in financial terms.

Eh I know sometimes I tend to go too off...saying about life? but just bare with me bah. I'm kinda strange and stubborn?

And about that "Guess" thing? you know, I think I've tried so I don't feel any regret. But now that it seems like I know what's best, i mean, it's better to let it be since I know who stands a better chance now...so I'm just not gonna think about it. Chill only....haha.

Speaking of chilling, pls do bare with my toilet sickness. My bladder got problem la.

I guess I'm gonna go to sleep la bah...

*And stop pointing fingers on my blog* =.="'

~Kaze

Keep in contact bah, everyone.
Really don't wish to be like my current class.

Just wish.

"Whole wide world"

When I was a young boy
My mama said to me
There's only one girl in the world for you
And she probably lives in Tahiti
I'd go the whole wide world
I'd go the whole wide world
Just to find her

Or maybe she's in the Bahamas
Where the Carribean sea is blue
Weeping in a tropical moonlit night
Because nobody's told her 'bout you

I'd go the whole wide world
I'd go the whole wide world
Just to find her
I'd go the whole wide world
I'd go the whole wide world
Find out where they hide her

Why am I hanging around in the rain out here
Trying to pick up a girl
Why are my eyes filling up with these lonely tears
When there're girls all over the world

Is she lying on a tropical beach somewhere
Underneath the tropical sun
Pining away in a heatwave there
Hoping that I won't be long

I should be lying on that sun-soaked beach with her
Caressing her warm brown skin
And then in a year or maybe not quite
We'll be sharing the same next of kin

I'd go the whole wide world
I'd go the whole wide world
Just to find her
I'd go the whole wide world
I'd go the whole wide world
Find out where they hide her

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Suddenly have lot's of thoughts going through my head......

How long more will I be staying in this house?
How will I grow up to become?
How long can I live?
How will I die?

Who will I be with the rest of my life? Be it a family member, or someone else.
Who will become the next person I'll be hanging out with most of the time?
Who will live long enough to tell me about life after I'm gone?
Who will be the next "new" person I'll meet?

What will I be doing next time? I mean I could study design and become a beggar?
What will be the next "most memorable" thing I'll be having?
What will my next post title be?
What am I?

Which class will I be in when school reopens?
Which group of people will I mix around with?
Which will be the room for my thinking to take place?
Which pen will I be buying next?

When will I be at peace?
When can I die?

Just listening to "La Petite Fille De La Mer" calms me down...... And I feel so peaceful. Makes me want to leave this world for good. If there's really someplace call heaven that is. But I know there isn't.

You know...
There's this one phrase I find it so true :
"You feel twice as lonely lying on your bed..."

Just wish there's more to life, than waiting, waiting for things to happen, waiting for events to take place, waiting for death...

~Kaze

Just wish that love is as simple as saying...

"I want you."

My 100th post...been 3 months...

Time passes fast, isn't it? This is my 100th post on this blog. Perhaps I've gotten sick of posting? or perhaps I haven't. Well I don't know. The only reason I'm still posting is because I've too much free time I guess. 2 months left before school reopens. Well it's really fast. Yeah, to think it feel as if it was yesterday that I've said those words. Hmmm perhaps just too much thinking, so makes it so deeply carved in my mind. Who would've thought 3 months passes just like that... 3 months from that day, the day when I made a decision. 3 months before now, I was enjoying my life like I'm the most happy person in the world. And the next thing you know, it's been 3 months and it didn't end up how you wanted it to be. Well I won't think about it and sob, of coz. I will be looking forward to 3 months from now, and 3 months after that, and after that. 'cause I've enjoyed the 3 months before now, and I will wanna enjoy all the 3 months that's to come.

and I hope I become a better person.

Just wanna say thanks to xianguo(apple) who's given me lots of advice since 3 months before and before. Then to esther and jie long who've accompanied me when I was still confused two days before that day, at boat quay... it helped, keeping inside is pure torture. Thanks to Sally, who won't read this blog but I'll say it anyway, coz I've like ma fan her alot, going to her house to emo...or rather, recall back some memories at that room, but then eventually got misunderstood by some people... And to my friend, shida, an advance happy birthday to you, though you may not be reading this either. Then thanks to the rest who've given me some encouragement every now and then... And to the ever-so-hungry Andy, good luck.

I guess that makes my 100th post on my blog a meaningful one eh?

Hmmm, I guess there's still one more person. Zhu tou, if you're reading this, if you really can't find the time then nvm, we can meet other time, I know you're busy. Just go enjoy with your friends on your off day if you want, since you're so busy on every other day. =)

All the best... =P

and I went back to my old blog to take a look...and well, it's a blog with not many posts, but I think it's more meaningful than this current one. Well at least I've got comments on that one...haha. For those people who don't know about my old blog... I guess I'll post the link : http://kazechronicles.blogspot.com/ . I've got nothing to hide now. =)

~Kaze

I've learnt many things in this 3 months.
I'm gonna learn more things in the more 3 months to come...

Like a star.

Just like a star across my sky,
Just like an angel off the page,
You have appeared to my life,
Feel like I'll never be the same,
Just like a song in my heart,
Just like oil on my hands,
Oh.. I do love you,

Still i wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
With anyone but you,
We do it all the time,
Blowing out my mind,

You've got this look i can't describe,
You make me feel like I'm alive,
When everything else is a fade,
Without a doubt you're on my side,
Heaven has been away too long,
Can't find the words to write this song,
Oh.,.. Your love,

Still i wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
With anyone but you,
We do it all the time,
Blowing out my mind,

I have come to understand,
The way it is,
It's not a secret anymore,
'cause we've been through that before,
From tonight I know that you're the only one,
I've been confused and in the dark,
Now I understand,

I wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
With anyone but you,
I wonder why it is,
I wont let my guard down,
For anyone but you
We do it all the time,
Blowing out my mind,

Just like a star across my sky,
Just like an angel off the page,
You have appeared to my life,
Feel like I'll never be the same,
Just like a song in my heart,
Just like oil on my hands

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I think I know why I can't see stars shining anymore.
Coz this star of mine is long gone.
hmmm, just wanna say...
one-sided sucks. =/

~Kaze

Good luck to you =)

Venus

That day I watched this movie called "Venus". It's about this old man, named Maurice, who's quite a celebrity. He's on his way to retire...and his good friend had a niece coming to "Take care" of him. However, to his good friend, the niece seems like a nightmare. Typical teenager who smoke, and drink and has a lousy attitude. Maurice, who can't get woman off his mind, soon fall for this 20++ yrs old girl, 50 years younger than him. He called the niece Venus, though her real name was Jessie. Knowing that Maurice had fell for her, she tried to benefit herself by bringing Maurice to buy things for her. Until she know that Maurice has no more money, she eventually drew a distance between them, returned only to trick Maurice more. When she finally learnt the right and wrong, Maurice was on his way to heaven. All she could do was to accompany this poor old man to a place where he could die peacefully. And I guess he did, eventually. The story ended with Maurice's good friend willing to give Venus/Jessie one more chance, and she's willing to change. The story was sad, and it's insipiring, to me.

And I love the songs in this movie, especially the one played when Maurice was waiting whole day for Venus/Jessie, but she didn't turn up in the end. That song was called "Like a star". I've added this song to my first playlist. Really like this song very much. People ask me exactly what kind of music do I like, well, I would say this is one of the many.

Ok this has nothing to do with this movie, but I just remembered I had a photo of Andy's little sister, by the name Venus, taken by yuan chong yesterday. Haha, she was cute...and I think she looks like andy.


This is a photo of Andy's little sister named Venus, she's 5 yrs old.

~Kaze

"I'm not afraid of death, because I don't believe in it.
I think it's just getting out of one car and entering another."
~ John Lennon.

Awaken by alcohol.

4.07am~

Reached home for about an hour but I'm still watching tv.

People say that getting drunk makes you wanna sleep. So tell me why am I even more awake than usual now? I thought I could get myself drunk...and perhaps feel differently, be it cry out loud or wad. But I didn't, sadly.

Well today went to watch Pirates of the carribean with andy as usual, but with xian guo and yuan chong this time coz andy have free tickets. Well the show was nice. Though I like the second one better.

Andy busy talking, while this lan ping guo over there studying hard. haha.

Then Andy, as usual, wanted so much to go to Club street. Haha. I will not go into details in case he kills me, but I will just say it's to find "someone" who's working there in one of the pubs. And we've been trying to find this club street on tuesday but failed. This time round, they followed my lead and finally we reached this club street though later I found out that I went the long way around. Anyway, I guess he was happy. At the very least, satisfied. I've been keeping quite quiet in the pub. Well, a very small bit because of the music...not that I don't like, but, it's too loud, for me. And it's chinese songs, with a faggot singing, like a faggot I guess. Initially, I didn't intend to drink. Yuan chong and Andy ordered a jug of tiger. But then later that "someone" later suggested to play a game, or rather a toy. It's this crocodile thing, and you'll have to press the teeth down one by one and see who's the unlucky one to get bite, and then you'll have to drink.

Well, I was. I was the unlucky one. I can't believe I'm getting bite almost 70% of the time? Wad the hell? I guess I'm really having such bad luck eh? Everything just don't seem to go smoothly. And well, I, eventually had to drink alot, even drank andy's share. =.=" But well, I wanted to be drunk, somehow. So I kept drinking even when I wasn't biten. But I didn't. There was only this red hot feeling, that somehow makes me feel the same way I did on that very day. Haha, I didn't drink that much I guess, but just constantly drinking. Haha it was funny when Andy's friend asked me if I'm thirsty, she could get me ice water, I don't have to keep drinking that. HAHA.

Perhaps they thought I'm drunk, coz I kept quiet most of the time. But actually, there were just something on my mind. Eventually, I end up sitting outside the pub alone, as usual. I don't know. I like it that way, much better.

Anyway, don't feel guilty or what hor, andy. It wasn't because of the environment, it was something else. =) And all the best to you, dear friend. Though you seriously have to train up if you wanna keep awake in the pub next time. But well, sleeping like this was a cute way to...*ahem*. I think you pulled it off. Haha.

Andy, look at yourself sleeping. Haha. Well, at least you didn't sleep in an ugly manner.

Hmmm, now I'm gonna find a way to get myself to sleep. Damn! Why don't I fall asleep after drinking like normal human being. And oh GOD, stop making me so awake! I hate it!

~Kaze

Even getting drunk is quite a tough task, you see...

I wanna be happy, again.

I wanna be a cat. At least most people will pass by them saying they're cute, even when they're just sleeping. I want to sleep like them. Just wake up 1 hour a day to fill my stomach and then go back to sleep. What a good life... Meow!

Just feel like sending every lonely soul in the world a big smile =)

If I could, I would like to see myself with a big smile in every of my photos. I don't know how they do it, but they seem so happy in every photo. Sometimes, I just had to look into my reflection and smile at him. I know it's wrong to force yourself to smile. It's alright to smile, just for yourself.

Feel like going back to my childhood. It's funny, but at least I'm smiling most of the time back then... nothing much to worry about. Feel like having someone "hem" a melody to me while I fall asleep. I would love to hear you sing, it doesn't matter how awful it is, the truth is, I just wanna hear your voice.

Hmmm, just some random thoughts again... my wish now is simple... I just wanna feel "Happiness" again...

~Kaze

A "good night" message could send me smiling the whole night, I guess.

The Pursuit of HappYness

Just watched the movie "The pursuit of happyness". It is a nice show, yet again...my type of show. A show which I wanted to watch ever since it came out...but due to some reasons, well, didn't wanna watch alone. The show is basically about A father trying to give the best for his family. The whole show begins with him selling this bone density scanner. He had to sell 2 per month to get it through a month, and 1 more to pay those parking tickets. And he hasn't been selling any recently. One day, he saw this guy with this expensive car, and he asked him, "What do you do, and how do you do it?" And that guy told him he's a stockbroker. So he decided to try his luck and become one. He tried so hard, trying to get the internship, and he eventually got it. But what he do not know is that there's no salary during that internship. His wife later left him and went to New york to work. And he insisted on taking the son. During that internship, people have to make profit for the company for 6 months, and the highest wins, and that one person will get the job. So he work very hard, while running and selling Bone density scanner at the same time to earn a living. He eventually sold all, but then the government took all his money away because he didn't pay the taxes. He's now left with $21.33 in his bank account.

There was this one scene which was really so sad... He had to bring his son to sleep in the subway's toilet because he simply got nowhere else to go. People knocking outside, and you see him crying for the first time. The wonderful thing about this show is his determination. He can appear all good the next day and go to work. There was this one scene which really show one thing. Rich people DO NOT understand the poor. Yeah, they might go on saying they understand but they do not. $5 means so much to him. And he had to pay for a cab fare for a so-called CEO or someone of that Brokerage film or something. That particular line when the CEO said "I'll pay you back, honest." Well sometimes, the thing isn't about paying back or something. It's about how can this poor man survive if you take away this $5 from him?

There's this one scene where he and his son were in this church and before going to bed, his son told him, "You're a good papa." Well don't know for you guys, but it really touched me...

Well I won't go on further by spoiling the show for you. Go watch it yourself. It's a good show, to me...though some people says it sucks. But well, I've always hate people who said a particular movie sucks, coz can you come up with an exact same film?

And by the way, this show is based on a true story. Yes, it IS true. And this guy has just sold a minority stake in his brokerage film in a multi-million dollar deal last year in 2006, thanks to his determination.

And one more thing, just in case you're wondering, I didn't spell the title wrongly... It is "The pursuit of happYness"
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We can't control how other people choose to live their lives. But we can help by living ours to the fullest. =)

~Kaze

Maybe happiness is something that we can only pursue.
And maybe we can actually never have it, no matter what.

Daydream of the neverland...

5.47am~

Today didn't do much, spent the night with andy, yet again...walking and walking was all we did. From orchard to chinatown. As usual, I'm doing all the talking most of the time... Yea, I know there's something bothering him but well, it won't do any good talking about it. On the other hand, talking about some other stuff will be better.

Yea, I do wonder why do we get all these shit? Well, perhaps I'm having those "sweet" memories that others might not be having... But having those makes it harder to forget you see. Well it's so "early" in the morning, and I wonder what's these two libra guys still doing staying up so "early" in the morning. Don't know... we both can't go to sleep.

You know, most of the time I do smile when I think of stuff that happened... But my heart is feeling the opposite instead. Those words never fail to melt my heart. But now it's like a layer of cold icy water is added on those words. Those memories are just like scenes of my life...and those scenes are still so clear to me even now... The exact words said, the exact place we were at, the exact things we did, the settings, the exact lighting, and perhaps, the exact time... Reviving me isn't impossible I guess... just that it takes time... a really long time probably.

I once believed that no one will like me, I was wrong.
I once believed I wouldn't have the courage, I was wrong.
I once failed and I thought this time it'll be fine, I was wrong.

I've been posting so much about love and stuff in this particular blog. I wouldn't say it was stupid, though some people might. But I wonder... when is this gonna stop? I realised one thing, that not everything has an ending. I'm one who do things based on "feelings". Everything I do, I do it with a purpose, "Simply because I feel like it". Sometimes I can walk to certain place just simply because I feel like it. Sometimes I don't eat simply because I don't feel like eating anything...Feelings plays such a big part to me. Perhaps one day, when I've lost all feelings, there'll be an ending. Ok all these are crap la, I also don't know what am I saying le... It's just so hard for me to convey some feelings through words coz I'm not good at it. I guess that makes me lose out...

I know all these are so random...and it's kinda boring... hearing the same stuff over and over again... But isn't that how I'm feeling? Again and again, it never fails to make me wanna cry out loud. It never fails to make me miss this someone so much. I guess that makes me worst than a girl bah...hmmm...

~Kaze

I know I shouldn't, but I'm Missing you away, so badly I feel like I could cry...

But I know it wouldn't help, it'll just spoil my eyes, so I won't.

Simple love

Love is simple.
I like you, you like me, let's get together.
No need for romantic stuff like "I Love You",
coz you know I do love you.
No need for tricks and hints,
coz you might just end up spending your whole life hinting.
Love is simple.
Yes, or no. Choose one, and simply answer.

~Kaze

All that I ask for, is just a simple love.

Music and lyrics

"Way back into love"

I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need em again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
Oh oh oh

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere
I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not just somebody just to get me throught the night
I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end
There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration, not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the end

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The is the lyrics to the song "Way back into love" from the motion picture "Music and lyrics". To me, it's a nice show, probably my type of movie. There're lot's of songs, and few of it sounded like oldies...but obviously they're not, they're just made for this movie. This movie is about an artiste named Alex Fletcher(Hugh grant), previously in a rock 'n' roll band named "PoP!" Obviously, like The beatles, the band was no more. He came out with his own solo, but wasn't successful and he sort of gave up. All he's doing now is performing at event or parties, until a young female artiste named Cora(Haley bennett) asked him to write a song for her, about her broke-up with her boyfriend. Sophie Fisher(Drew barrymore) is Alex's new "plant-lady", hired to take care of his plants. Alex soon discovered Sophie's true talent, writing. He then insist on Sophie writing the lyrics for him, while he do the melody. They eventually came up with this song called "Way back into love" and more things happened afterwhich. This is a very nice show if you're one like me, or a romantic individual. And there's one more song which I liked very much, "Don't write me off" as the lyrics were meaningful in the movie itself, Alex trying to win back sophie's heart... Wooot.... I didn't expect that part to happen... That song sure was nice.

I've added most songs from the motion picture soundtrack album, except for some sang by Haley bennett which I don't really like. There're two versions of "Way back into love", one of which is sang halfway through the movie by Drew barrymore and Hugh grant titled Demo version) which I like very much. The other is sang by Haley bennett and Hugh grant near the end of the show...It's good, but just that the music isn't as nice and suitable for this song. More piano is good...haha.

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"Don't write me off "

It's never been easy for me
To find words to go along with a melody
But this time there's actually something on my mind
So please forgive these few brief awkward lines
Since I met you my whole life has changed
It's not just my furniture you've re-arranged
I was living in the past
But somehow you've brought me back
and I haven't felt like this since before Frankie said relax
and now I know based on my track record
I might not seem like the safest bet
All I'm asking you is
Don't write me off just yet

For years I've been telling myself the same old story
That I'm happy to live off my so called former glories
but you've given me a reasonto take another chance
now I need you despite the fact
that you've killed all my plants
and now I know
i've already blown more chances
than anyone should ever get
all I'm asking you is
don't write me off just yet
don't write me off just yet

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This movie makes one wanna fall in love again...whether you've already had your other halves or not... You know what I mean...=)

~Kaze

Don't write me off just yet......=(

The day that doesn't seems right...

Today didn't feel good. Don't know why. The whole day is like so restless. Met two friends for dinner but well, I don't have any appetite...for anything. Seriously, I don't feel like eating anything. I feel like vomiting instead. In the end, I ordered this Char kwey tiao which I didn't finish...then we shared this sting ray which seems tasteless to me.

And for the first time, I wanted to go home... I left on my own right after dinner... they went back to Vivo to walk walk. But I just don't feel right. I can't say I don't feel well, coz I'm not really sick, but it's just that everything don't seems right. I'm seriously so restless today... They were still having satay while I'm like supporting my head with my hand, resting... And my stupid hair isn't right, everyone's saying I look like a girl, fine! I KNOW! SHUT UP! I'm gonna get haircut soon, not cut till very short, but make layers...it's too thick now...DAMN!

And so, after a whole day that doesn't seems right, I'm finally back home blogging away. And I'm still not feeling right. Maybe I'm just tired...sleeping so late last night and getting up so early this morning...

Sometimes, I don't like people asking me about some things... And they know very well, coz I show it very well... Yet, they continue to pursue...until they get an answer which doesn't even concern them... Why do they care? Well they're definitely not giving any advice...... Don't they know that it'll just make me think of so much things again? I mean, the day was good, everything was fine and you just had to ask me that question, and always putting in such a manner that makes me think that you think of it as a joke. Well it's NOT a joke to me! It's my life you're talking about!

Anyway, today was a bad day, so it doesn't really matter if it gets any worst. Just wished you were there to brighten up my day, or night...

Seriously, I like the night better than the day... So much better, there're stars for me to see... So beautiful...haha. And it's cooling, and it's quiet. It's just this mood that makes everything seems...right...

~Kaze

I wonder if my life's being narrated...

Our brains are not "ours'"

Sometimes I wonder why am I born a guy? I dislike sports, I hate soccer, I don't play arcade, I don't like car racing, I'm not physically fit as a guy "should" be. And yeah, people say I look like a girl. Well, perhaps it's true, there's nothing about me that look like a guy.

Why are we controlled by our brains? Shouldn't we try to control our brains? We're born in this world, without any knowledge. Then we're being taught what our parents stupidly "think" it's "right". From young, we know that a ball, is round. When you see a car with two wheels, you think it's wierd. Everyone will be looking at this two-wheels car and saying, "Look! That car ONLY have two wheels!" There you go again, why did you use that word "only"?

Perhaps you will say that's what everyone's doing/thinking. Defy it, and everyone will say you're wierd. Well define "Wierd". Did I tell you that you people seems "weird" to me? If this is how it's gonna be, I'd rather be wierd, than be like everyone else, who seems wierd to me.

"It doesn't matter how long my hair is or what colour my skin is or whether I'm a woman or a man."

"Who's to say that dreams and nightmare aren't as real as the here and now?"

"I'm not going to change the way I look or the way I feel to conform to anything. I've always been a freak. So I've been a freak all my life and I have to live with that, you know. I'm one of those people."

"When you're drowning, you don't say 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would have the foresight to notice me drowning and come and help me', you just scream."

~Kaze

I thank god, for letting me see things that others don't see...

Singapore, not big, nor small...

5.16 am ~

Just reached home and bathe...
Today spent the whole day searching for nice movies to download... Then just when I thought this is how the day will end, Kaixin msn me and andy, beggin us to go out with her, go watch movie...haha. Well by the time I went out, it's already 7pm. So we reached cineleisure, bought our tickets for the 11.20pm show. And we went to have pasta at pastamania. Well, the food wasn't that nice as usual... and kaixin kept complaining the pasta is so spicy...haha. I ordered the same thing as her, and I add Tabasco...haha, they must be thinking I'm crazy...haha.

Before we went in the cinema, Kaixin saw many friends around cineleisure...haha, I mean a few times and is different people, but all she know de...dots. I wonder when can I get so much friends...hmmm. Well, the movie was nice, it was funny, well it's ultimately a show by Ben stiller, the producer of this movie, "Blades of Glory". We laughed alot in the cinema, well some was lame, but some were really funny. When the show was ending, I messaged my dad asking him to pick us up, but later found out that they want to chill out abit first. So we went to long john to have Ice lemon tea, and it was really ICE lemon tea, full of ice. =.=" We or rather I, kept talking crap, making lame jokes...well at least I managed to get them to laugh a little. Then we walked our way to the "Bapok" Kopitiam, haha known to have lot's of them there. But well, we fail to see them everytime I go with andy. Anyway, he suggested to have dessert, omg, he sure eat alot man...he even finished up part of the pasta that kaixin can't finish. Haha.

Then the rest of the night was boring...I mean we walked our way to esplanade...and sat down for a while, talking about some stuff. And yea, forgot to mention, I was running for toilet whole day long...omg, my this stupid toilet craze is back...haha...toilet freak eh? Anyway, abit guilty that we drag till so late then go home, resulting kaixin to get scolded or lectured from her mum... Hmmm, well I didn't know my dad will take so long...... But well, didn't want to spend so much taking cab, even if it's sharing... Can save jiu save bah... Don't know when is my next pocket money coming... Sigh. Seriously, I need a job, but I'm just to lazy to look for one. haha...lazy bum!

And so...the day ended just like this, or rather, the night. It's gonna be 6am soon, and I'm still blogging away...where do I get all this energy from, I wonder...? Perhaps everytime when I got home, being the only one awake... I start to think of some stuff... and it can keep me sitting down there thinking and thinking, practically stoning away...

Sleeping is wasting time...I believe...If you sleep 8 hours per day, you would've slept your 20 years away by the time you reach 60 years old. Scary eh? But it's the fact. But we need to rest...if not we can't continue going. So I guess we should just sleep enough and never more, never less. Haha, of coz, this is just pure crap...we're not robots...like that guy in "Stranger than fiction", so systematic...haha. And it will be too boring if this is our life. I need to have some interesting stuff happening to me occasionally, or I can die living... =) But well, nothing interesting's happening to me recently...so I guess I'm dying away, logically, due to my living. =P Abstract eh? I love this kind of stuff...haha...yea, me=wierdo.

You know, sometimes I wished that Singapore's bigger...and there're more things for me to see...more for me to experience. But sometimes, I wished Singapore's smaller... so small that I can see you whenever I think of you......

~Kaze

To you, I may seem like a small little fly who flied passed your window,
But to me, you seem like a beautiful butterfly that stays in my
garden...

The death of a snail, and a bunch of Fuckers!

Deleted my last post. It was just some nonsense I guess. And I don't want to have it on my blog. In prevention of misunderstanding that might happen. hah. Guess yesterday night wasn't that fine, but I'm ok now.

Woke up this morning being so damn tired...don't know why, perhaps because I've been sleeping 4 or 5am everyday... I forced myself to wake up coz I had to meet wei qi at 2pm, and his house isn't that near to mine. As I sit on the sofa, I realise the sky being so bright, I took a glance and saw those beautiful clouds. Haven't seen such beautiful clouds in Singapore for a long time...haha, too much polutions is causing all those clouds to turn grey...=.="


Nice eh? Ignore the colour, that's due to my phone's camera, and I had to edit with photoshop. But if you're seeing it with your own eyes, it's 50 x nicer...haha!

Went to city hall, then orchard with wei qi, coz he wanted to buy some clothes and jeans...and now he want to buy a cap =.=" Then we went to the Museum to see Leo's installation... Well we both thought there were alot...but actually it's just ONE installation.





The installation shows two sides of soft toys. One side being the normal soft toys teddy bears etc, and the other side are soft toys with faces of alien-like creatures. Leo must have gotten inspiration from Ultraman's monsters, coz seriously some of them look like some monsters in Ultraman. Haha. Anyway, He's trying to tell that, children used to play with normal toys such as teddy bear, and adult kill just to fill their stomach. However, as time passes, now children play toys with violence, and adult kill for desire and power. Perhaps this idea has been going on in his mind when he was teaching us on the theme "Toys". This installation is called "The attack of the flies" by the way.

Sigh... I stepped on a snail and crushed it just outside the museum... I'm still feeling uneasy and sad for that snail now. I didn't know it was there. It was dark, no light. I stepped on something and I heard this loud crack and the next thing i know I turned and see, I can't even see what it is. Wei qi told me it was a snail. Well it's really not so much about the sticky things on my shoe. It's like I feel so bad crushing that snail, killing a life. Well perhaps I'm just stupid thinking so much bah... But well, it may mean nothing to other people, but I just...sigh. I don't even step on ants. Sometimes I almost fell and sprain myself just to avoid one small little ant. But to me, an ant is a life. A snail is a life. Even though it's an ant, or a snail, it's still a life. I always like to ask people this, "If you were that ant, what would you be thinking?"

I'm feeling so damn guilty now... I don't think I'm gonna forget it so soon. Sigh. SORRY dear snail... Well I guess that added on another sin for me bah... =(

And when I was waiting for a bus at habourfront, there was this guy, keep asking his friend "Just tell me! Got Biaa... bo?" And he kept asking and asking... and it just pissed me off. Fucking give respect to your dear friend there, he doesn't even want to answer that. And it's other people's privacy. And fuck I hate this kind of people... "Bia" is the only thing they can think of when talking about girls. I hope he dies a horrible death. If I'm allowed to, I will gladly strip him naked and let a dog bite off his *ahem*. And I shall see how the hell he "Bia" without that thing. Fucking bastard. Since they like to FUCK so much, I can't find a better word to describe them,"FUCKERS". But I guess while killing one of these bastards, ten other bastard are being born in the world. There's no use killing just him. And no use teaching them how to respect, coz they won't learn. At this age, he still doesn't learn, there's nothing more we can do but to share this small little world with the likes of him, though I'd rather die than to see one of them again. Fucking spoil mood! Respect please!

And btw, today wasn't fun and I didn't enjoy it, and I'm fucking tired now. I really need someone to make my day man... This little flower over here is dying away...Please I need some water...and an extra bits of care...=)

~Kaze

Waiting to be free......

Mood-less

Changed the header picture for my blog. I guess a black background picture suits more for this current blog skin. The previous picture was nice, to me, but I guess people may just find it stupid. Well it doesn't matter.

This picture was done very quickly using photoshop. Coz I can't think of anything else. Don't really have that mood to draw. In fact, I don't have mood for anything. Well just now I bought a few games... but just no mood to play too. I'm like dying away...

This song "With or without you", may be the only thing that I have the mood to listen now. Don't know why, but I'm starting to like this song. "nothing left to lose"..."I can live...with or without you..." Perhaps it's true, but just that my life's not as "beautiful" as before anymore.

Am I on the right path?

Sigh...recently have been craving for this crispy seaweed...haha...and havent get the chance to eat yet. Always forgot to buy. =.=" Lazy to do down to cheers just to buy that...sigh... Can someone do me a favour and mail me that crispy seaweed? Hmmm hot and spicy flavour will be best...=)

~Kaze

There're things I want to know,
things that I care,
things that I want to hear you say...

Love

Changed the colors of my blog. Back to black...Don't know why. Just feel black now.

I think I'm gonna change the picture soon too...but for now...I'll just leave it. I know i'll kinda miss this pic when I change it away. Haha. Though it's not a wonderful drawing but it meant alot. To me, at least.

I think I'm gonna say what I wanna say. Don't wish to hide anything, just to make myself get over it, or let other people know that I'm fine. Well I AM fine. It won't kill, yea...but why does everyone try to tell me to get over? Why do I have to? I mean, It's still not wrong to think about it right? well nth happened, just that this is what I wanted to say all these while. I don't know, but I don't think the right way is to "get over it". It's like so fukkin lame. And nevertheless, it's not "forgeting it" either. Just "let it be" I guess...sooner or later, it'll be fine.

ok enough said regarding that.

Hmmm... thinking endlessly sure do suck. And yea, you look at you msn contact list...how many has an emo nick? That's quite true eh... Happy stuff are usually taken for granted...that you won't even bother to post it as a nick or write it down somewhere. When you've lost that happiness, you'll then be looking for it back, so desperately. But often, it's too late.

Falling in love.
What is falling in love. I guess usually you got close to someone, you start to find this person interesting, find this person to your likings... and eventually, everything he/she does become so beautiful to you. You'll put your concentration on this person, observing her/him. Normally you'll find that you'll only notice those nice things he/she does, but that's not true. It's just that you're unwilling to see those bad points of her/him, simply because you like her/him. You'll do stupid things you've never thought you will do. Things like lying beside, taking a photo of her/him when he/she didn't notice. Then you smile. That, perhaps, is the starting of liking that someone. I'm not too sure... I wished I had more to go through...more to experience...more memories. Thinking back, I've done quite alot of stupid things too, things that I never thought I would do... Sometimes when I think of those stuff... I just smile...at how and where did I get all those courage to do those stuff?

Sometimes it's hard to carry on, if it's just one-sided. I mean, when you've lost that liking for this person. Even if he/she is trying so hard, it's useless. It's hard to explain but things are different now. It's so easy to tell. Just make a comparison, it's different alright... Yeah, it's hard, but I know I'll accept it sooner or later. Perhaps I already did.

You know I've been such a stupid dumb dumb, and it's time to wake up. I've almost forgotten the very first intention I'm having when we first got close. The only intention was to help. Help her while she slowly recover from "a fall". Yeah. That was the only intention, only motive, at that point of time. But soon, I experienced what I stated above. I must admit it's a kind of experience that kept me going. It's like I'm on drugs...haha... Everyday, there was something, or rather, someone to look forward to... I've never been so energetic early in the morning, while taking bus... coz I had sms to kept me awake I guess. Still remember listening to this song called "All about you". Those were the things that kept me going. I've stopped listening to this song quite some time ago. I'm now listening to this song at this very moment, again. That feeling is there, but it's different. It's making me feel so...... I feel like I could cry. ahah! So with the very first intention in mind, I guess all that's important is she's now happy, again. And I'm smiling because I know that. All the best to this someone who've gave me this wonderful piece of memory in my life. =/

I don't know when will be the next time I see her... I don't wish to hide anything. I miss her...

~Kaze

"ok fine, I cried, so what?"

It's all about you...

Humanity...

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

???

bleh...=.="

(~ = @ = ~)"'

~Kaze T_T

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! siao =.="'

Occasions...

Sian. Today was suppose to be scheduled for movie. But yet again it's been postponed to who knows when? Well it's not so much about the movie, I just wanna get out of my house.

Hmmm today's mothers' day... This time last year, I think I'm busy working in the restaurant. Same goes to valentines' day. This year mothers' day, I think I'm gonna stay home again...sian. My family don't celebrate all these coz no money bah... I don't even have money to buy present la... so I better don't mention it today, if not will be hearing alot of nagging...=) As for valentine, didn't expect this year's to be spending time with someone, though it wasn't a date actually. Hmmm, any more event or occasions? no more youth day bah I think...haha...and childrens' day? HAHA... I used to like childrens' day so much...why? check out my birthday and you'll know...=) though it's not exactly on that date. But well, every year on my birthday, the school will celebrate childrens' day and then no school! haha. But...sigh...last year's birthday was crap, I basically spent the whole day at home ALONE. Nobody asked me out, I guess all was busy, I asked them out. None of them were free...still got one tell me she's celebrating another person's birthday...wah great... Take a look at my life man...sad case...=.=" Was really down la, imagine you have to spend the whole day alone, not even with your family members, all went out...it was a saturday somemore... =.="

So I don't really look forward to this year's birthday le la...It'll most likely be the same... Anyway, enough of all these crap... Friendster horoscope says I'm gonna get wad stupid surprise... well, surprise me! pls!? Hey hey, I'm waiting...... Nah...I know it's not true... it's just a piece of crap to guide ppl who've lost their way...

Sian...maybe I should go out walk walk on my own again?

and maybe I should change my blog again... Such a depressing blog... see le jiu sian...

~Kaze

When you like someone, everything he/she does seems nice...
When you don't like someone, everything he/she does seems irritating and
annoying...

A very not fun day...

Today wasn't a very fun day...

1st thing in the morning, I woke up just to find out that my sis is using the computer... so I went to sleep again. Then I woke up again and saw her using still... so I went to sleep again... Then I woke up again and saw her using still... I took a shower and wait for my phone to ring coz wei qi say wanna watch movie. So I switched on my ps2 playing this bleach game which was so boring... But no choice, no games... then I wait and wait... till I got fed up and msg him myself. As usual, he took damn long to reply, telling me it's at night and asking where I wanna watch. I said "anything". He didn't reply, after a while I msg him asking him to go to the cathay to watch coz the sound system there is better. But then the reply was so disappointing. He said edmund got something to attend to. Fuck. I was so pissed as my sis and mum are going out, if he told me earlier I could have gone out with them. Sian, though I've watched spiderman 3, but I just wanna get out of my house and I dun care how. So I msg him again asking him to go out. To my surprise, andy replied instead...haha...and so I finally went out at 5+pm...=.="

We went to art friend to buy something, then go eat then go buy present for his mum, then that's it, we simply walk and walk for the rest of the time we had...=.=" We walked from orchard all the way to clark quay. Haha... all was fine till I'm fukkin reminded of some things again, by some things said... sigh. Went to kopitiam to have desert. I looked at the menu and first thing I saw was "mango milk ice"... Hah... It's not surprising that he don't know what is mango milk ice... I myself didn't know too, if it wasn't for her......

Even though I've like deleted all those msges long time ago, I guess I still remember some of them... coz those are the ones that make me so full of hope...haha... some that even made me melt upon seeing it...haha... still remember once lying on bed at night msging... asking something like "what you doing?" and the reply was like so sweet? to me at least...hah.

Don't worry, I'm not gonna cry or wad... just recalling more and more things as the days passed by... instead of forgetting...hah. You know sometimes when I say I cried, or feel like crying, it doesn't really mean cry...it's just those "1 sec full of tears" and the next sec gone...hah, you know what I mean if you've experienced it too... Just felt so sad, it's like ur heart became so "sour?" at that very moment... Don't know how to explain it, but well......it doesn't matter... it's me in my own world again...=)

Lots of sigh......( - @ - )"'

~Kaze

It all started on a wednesday and ended on a wednesday...

How sad...

Sometimes I wonder... Is there something wrong with me, I mean the way I treat people. The way I do things, am I moving on the right path? I seem to be meeting lots of problems. I seriously think there's something wrong with me. Is there a device or something which can teach me how to do things the right way? Especially with handling people relationship, be it friends of wadever. I see people have good, or even best friends. I envy them. These people often tell me how good their best friends are...and it makes me jealous sometimes. Well perhaps it's not jealous. I just feel sad that I don't have one myself. Hah. Sometimes I just feel like laughing at myself... I mock at myself. Friends issue often made me cry so much. But what for? We're living for ourselves right? Though we're sharing the world. But sometimes it's just that you feel so damn lonely... Have so many people on your msn list, yet you do your math and you can't even find 5 you can talk to... i mean, those serious talking. Well, sometimes being such a wierdo really makes me lose out. I like things that most people don't like, I may even say things that others don't like. I do things that others don't like. I listen to music that others don't like. I wrote about things that others don't like. Cool! I'm a wierdo! Congrats! =) I shall give myself 5 stars for being a wierdo. Hah. I feel SO good mocking at myself!!! But I feel like I could cry right now... And then again, U see, I'm such a emofreak who most ppl don't like. Cheers! I hate myself for being like this, but I just can't control my emotions sometimes... To those people out there who have at least 5 good friends you can talk to anytime...Good for you, cherish them. Coz when you've lost them, you'll be like me, sitting infront of my computer alone for the whole day, looking at your list of contacts, for someone to talk to, but found no one. absolutely no one. =)

~Kaze

my life is a sad case, just skip my blog, and proceed to the next pls. =)

Need and want...

Need and want, is there a difference?

I may want something, but it isn't a need to me...
When you need something, does it mean it's of great importance to you?

People told me they need a girlfriend. Well is that really a need or a want? There's a difference you know? Why is that a need to you? What does a girlfriend really do that makes it a need to you? Care for you...? Well I think that's the only reason needed... We all need someone to care for us... That someone to do that extra bit... That someone who could make your day... That someone who will make you laugh and cry... That someone whom you don't mind spending all your time with... That someone you'll dream of every night in your lalaland...

All these, which started as a want, have slowly became a need... Because those extra bits that the someone has done, have became so deeply carved in your mind and your heart...you'll never forget it...and you want it so badly when you've lost it.

Perhaps I don't really understand it yet... But I think I'm gonna treat it as a want, and not a need. Yes, I wanted it so very much...but let's face it, I've lost it and it's never gonna be the same anymore...

Then again, we talked about how handsome guy attracts girls more... I believe I told someone before my point of view... We get attracted due to looks first...then we get to know the person more...then what we like about the person will be the personalities and characteristics. So handsome guys stand that extra percentage of chance against us. I really don't wanna think this way, but yea, this is reality, we're not in the 50s or 60s... So do I have a good personalities and characteristics? I asked myself... Well I dare not answer this question of my own. It's not for myself to judge myself. It's for you guys out there to do this judgement. But even so, will attracting someone be an easy task for us? nope. But we can try. Though I still don't know what I have done that spoilt it. But I will try again, and again...

People say being loved is better than loving someone. Well may I ask, is that true? Yeah, I think it is. Loving someone, knowing that someone doesn't like you at all should be so painful eh?

Sometimes one should know when to stop too. When you're given a yellow light, stop soon before it turn red... At least being friends still is better than losing it all... Becoming a bother is the last thing I wanna be. Just wish that someone that you've lost, the best that you can wish for her... It's easier said than done, but well...it's painful, but you will have to cry on your own, don't bother that someone. =)

~Kaze

Infatuation? Don't worry, I know what it means...

Two weeks seems long...

1.14pm~

just woke up... Though I didn't really slept well becoz halfway had to wake up to switch off my com, but I slept well becoz of that dream I had...Wad a dream...so fantasy...haha...and even had someone in it... How I wish it was real...at least I will get to smile every night while sleeping... But you know what they say, dream are supposed to be opposite with reality... Sian 3/4

sigh...

It's been two weeks... and that feeling didn't fade away...still. I still think about it. What's the point I asked myself. I tried abit...but didn't go real smoothly, didn't wanna force it... didn't want to be seen as another annoying freak... didn't wanna bother anyone... It's useless saying here and not doing anything about it I know...but I really don't wanna be seen as a bother and I'm guessing I'm starting to become one. At the very least...I want to be seen as a friend...

Anyway, I'm so bored. I'm emo listening to emo songs now...haha. aiya when you're emo, seems like every song also emo to you de...

"Bye bye love, bye bye happiness, hello loneliness..."

hmmm, dunno wad to do now... all the game sian sia...dunno play wad... haha... I wan find job lei, anyone got lobang?

Now let's look at some cute animals... =)

Thanks.
~Kaze

Ni bu hui dong wo you duo mo xiang ni...

Lao zha bor blog?

Phew...one day is almost over...staying home is just so bored...got no money to go out is even worst. People asked me to go back school, but rejected mainly becoz no money...ppl asked me go steamboat, rejected becoz no money...SO fukkin sian... I can't believe I don't even have 10 cents with me now...never been so broke before...sigh...=.="

I will do anything for money now...haha...anyone got lobang?

btw, want to know the most interesting blog in the whole of singapore?
http://laozhabor.blogspot.com/

HAHA...it was mentioned in the show "Just follow law" but I've always thought it was fake...until andy told me about it...OMG, u can see that "lao zha bor" wearing swimsuit with condoms around her...=.="

And even Jack Neo has a blog...and he's gonna film a Mafia movie which he hasn't decide on the title yet...It's about this loan shark trying to turn over a new leaf. Haha. But I'm guessing it will be another one of his disappointment movie...hah.

Thanks.
~Kaze

I hoped to see that name in my inbox again...:(

Death of Kaze

1.58am~

Just had a shower. Been home for quite some time but was finally checking my mails away...deleting most of them...it's been so long since I've checked my mails...ever since the start of this year...Was deleting mails...looking at those dates...feb, jan...reminding me of the good old days...sigh...dunno what I was thinking...it's like i'm trying to delete some other stuff along with those mails...But I never will succeed in doing so...I know.

I'm tired of trying...tired of waiting for my phone to alert me with replies...staying up at night just waiting for that. But even till morning...it was still sleeping soundly... I'm tired of everything...I want my old life back...Those days in sec schools...vulgarities is the best man...haha...hanging out with friends, doing stupid things...arguing became our hobby...haha. Nothing to miss...nothing to worry about except exams, which I can't be bothered anyway. And back in the primary school times...I remembered I cried because I know my teacher was leaving or something like that...hah, that was stupid. But I'm a highly emotional creature man...hah.

I'm thru with being nice...I want to be nasty...heh. As nasty as I can get...Maybe one day you'll see me smoking outside Lasalle...haha I can't visualise that...hah. I'm not good with words so I shall stop talking so much...People look at me like I'm some sort of freak...haha perhaps thinking I'm a girl or wad...I don't care...I simply looked back at them...I used to just look away. Well really can't think of anything nasty...haha...just be myself bah...wherever my life takes me...though I hate my life.

Ok I'm in no mood for anything, but i'm gonna go play some games and relax...till I'm tired enough to fall asleep, sleeping so soundly that I won't think of anything.

~Kaze

I'm through with falling in love...

The Everly Brothers

3.35am now,

added some songs by The everly brothers. Except for 2 or 3, the rest is like playful kind...dunno, just feel like listening right now...

Tell laura I love her is so sad la...listen to the lyrics...
Keep A-knockin' is abit stupid...the whole song is saying keep knocking but u can't come in...=.="
and I like "Dream", dream....dream, dream, dream, when I think about her, all I have to do is dream...hhaha...-.-"

anyway...most ppl won't like those songs perhaps...but...

Your problem la...!

As long as I'm happy listening can le...=)

hahaha=.="

So tired...gotta go to bed, and hope that the friendster horoscope thingy is true for today...Hah.

Thanks.
~Kaze

Enlighten me

I'm feeling so down whenever I reach home......I hate going home...I wished I can be with friends all the time, I wished I can be with you...feeling stupid again.

I dun wan to be alone...

was talking away, and yeah...i must admit there really isn't any happy stuff to talk about recently.

Sigh...my own life is killing me...

i must as well go die......

nah, as if I will be that stupid...

I'm confused...enlighten me bah... =)

nvm...I'm fine le...now I'm hungry...havent had dinner... Someone treat me pls? haha...sian lei, dun wan eat cup noodle...but nth else to eat =.="

Thanks.
~Kaze

At first you say you're too busy, I wonder if you even miss me...

What do I really want?

What do I really want?

all those talking last night result to one question, "What do I really want?"

I wanna start anew,
I wanna try again.
I wanna fall in love with her, once more...

Good luck to myself =)

Thanks.
~Kaze

Will I be able to catch up with the time that flies?

Today slept till 12pm coz slept late yesterday...and my dad is like kpkb saying i nv off com ltr explode...=.=" well i sending things wad...cb...

Anyway, went out with joan in the evening...haha I rejected her more than 10 times le I think becoz of my busy schedule during school term...till yesterday she quote me saying "Not free till thursday", then haha really bo bian must go...haha I'm free anyway. And I was late...=.=" 1st time sia, everytime i early de =.=" Well...1st time meet her alone...i mean just the two of us... I thought it will be quite wierd, i mean she used to be very shy dun wan talk... but to my surprise, she's changed... within such a short period of time... Like can finally talk normally face to face with her... anyway, yea, she grew slightly fatter and alot taller...haha I guess it's time eh? and she brought some books to study but then end up kept talking nv study -.-" haha and it seems like the hair is finally right for her. But still can't stand those gothic stuff she like...it's like so bloody...eee..haha.

Well, time passes so fast...and just a short amount of time can change someone so much......

I wonder when will all these take its shape...i mean...dunno, for me, it's like non stop "pending..." Sometimes I'm like given a green light..."so happy"...then the next thing I know, the green light seems to have changed to yellow, hinting that I have to stop soon, real soon. Perhaps I didn't try real hard enough...but even for a start, it doesn't seems too good...it's like...the way we reply msges changes over a short period of time...sometimes u have lots to say, sometimes u give one word reply, sometimes u type "hurhur", sometimes u simply dun "haha" in all msges, sometimes u give lots of smiling face, sometimes you don't, sometimes u start off by calling the person's nickname, sometimes you don't, sometimes you answer all the questions asked, sometimes u just don't answer, Sometimes you will reply wadever msges sent no matter when or wad, sometimes you just can't be bothered to reply...well does all these means something? I mean like hinting there's a change?...so if it is, how do you switch it back to how it used to be, i wonder?

haha anyway, will try again definitely...

Thanks.
~Kaze

I won't say forever, coz I don't believe there is... But I know I like you
so very much at this very moment......

Just a dream?

Something just reminded me that I seems to have dreamt of something about her last night...It's something bad...I can't remember...but I know I didn't sleep well last night because of that...seems to be a nightmare...haha...can't remember a thing, only know it isn't good...

Sigh...nvm...it's just a dream...

Thanks.
~Kaze

I need someone...

I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine!!

=.=" alright, fine...I'm sad...sigh...=(

cheer me up bah...

Thanks.
~Kaze =(

Smiles?

Well...today went out with andy again...go walk walk...saw a watch...abit gothic but i think it's nice...but if I wear like dun suit me...coz like diff style with the rest of my body =.=" haha. Anyway, Now wad i need is a new pair of shoe...I wanna save up some money to buy a new shoe...damn! I just took money from my dad yesterday and I'm left with $24 now.... damn! Stupid seoul garden...so expensive yet food taste like shit! Really didn't enjoy eating there at all...haha just didn't show it out nia...beside the food, the environment, the songs, there's still some things that made me so didn't enjoy eating there...some memories... Though the memories there isn't quite memorable... but the only thing I remembered was I was eating so much that day and even brought a bowl of ice ltr on and everyone was shocked...haha! Then I remember I grabbed a piece of koropok before I went out of the restaurant and was caught red handed by her...haha. =)

While eating just now, I kept looking around the restaurant, to recall back some memories...well not much was being recalled...all I know is I was happy, back then...smiles:) .........

We walked around there and yet again, so much was happening inside my mind...remembered me rushing here and there to buy the star pendant, and two other small thingy, star and heart, from Perlini's silver and then rushed to Diva to get that star necklace...wow lots of stars huh... haha...then rushing back home to complete my 2D and make that gift. Well it was worth it...even though it was only wore 2 times and it doesn't really look good anyway.

Well...lucky I didn't walked past that other restaurant...but yeah..walked pass the library and well...the most memorable one is perhaps on the next day after I told her. Haha, coz that day was like so different? I was like so happy can? haha.

I guess it's so easy to recall back such memories...but don't worry, I'm not stuck there...I'll move on, I'm just thinking back...and yeah...lot's of smiles... =) I'm gonna try my best again...though it doesn't seems real good for a start...but perhaps she's just tired. haha.

ok la now I've gotta think of what to do tmrw? I initially wanted to touch up on my black book, but I heard no additional grades will be given...hmmm, if that's true, then shld I touch up on it? hah, dunno la...just wished I got more money to buy that watch together with some stuff that match it and then more money to go out with friends and her... Then I wished I'll be able to see her real soon...haha...I wished and I wished...stupid me, hmmm but I did asked, just that didnt get an answer...but nvm...always try again eh? Hah. I'm talking crap le la...

Aiyo, nth to blog le... bye bye...=)

Smiles.
~Kaze

I know it's hard for you,

and I'll wait for you...

Don't worry, I'm fine.

yea yea i guess you've been reading my blog every now and then...and well...all I can say is I'm not that down to the pit yet...well I still carry on my life, I still go out with friends, in fact, trying my best to get back and catch up with my secondary school friends...I still feel happy at times...but just that it's kinda diff...and I'll still think about it sometimes...but well...I guess it's strange if I can just forget everything so easily, isn't it? Don't get too worried, or stressed abt me bah...I'm fine...I just like to recall back some good memories once in a while...when I'm alone...

My blog aren't showing everything, it's just a place for me to type out some feelings I'm having...well just that there aren't really any sort of happy things to talk about...so all you guys see is depression...but yea, I'm depressed at times, I get emo at times...but I still carry on my life...joking with friends is still part of me...just that it seems like I'm starting to scold vulgarities again...haha...perhaps becoz of my mood nowadays...It's a way of vending anger...hah.

Well I do understand that I'm living for myself...that's why I still carry on my life...I can't stop thinking when I'm doing my work, so I included that feelings into my work...to make me work faster...yeah, that's a way that Joo agreed and encouraged me to do...doing something u like to finish ur work faster...in a way. I didn't stop working becoz of what happened...And becoz of that, I'm able to complete my work on time...though I thought it was not very good, but hey, I completed it, give me a break...and who knows? They may be good, my works are selected for sampling...haha, perhaps it might be bad though, but well who cares...I can't come out with top notch work in the next two days anyway...

Anyway, this post seems to be meant for you to read...coz sometimes I find that just pure reading and understand, not having a chance to reply immediately may be a good way to communicate coz sometimes ppl just say things that they don't really meant to...though sometimes this way can cause a big misunderstanding like this one...

I'm fine, I'm still living on, I still go out with friends, I'm still having fun, I'm still smiling at times...Just that this happiness has kinda decreased...and is kinda diff... So I think about it alot...well good memories are worth recalling right? They make me smile at times... Well I guess I'll just wait for this chance to come by again, and well life is about making choices right? just like what's spiderman 3 abt...haha...making choices...what a show... to remind me of so much things... 2 guys loving the same girl... fighting over the same girl... talked over the same girl... helping the same girl....(not that similar for this one)... People make choices, people died...people sacrificed...but well, the people left living will still live on...but they still keep them in memories...Your mind is like a bank, you deposit stuff in it...the most valuable ones will be stored in a safe box...with pin number or password that only u know and u can open it once in a while to take it out and in this case, think abt it. Yeah, this is one of the things that I can't forget...but I will be putting it back, and carry on with my life...coz I know I have more things to deposit in it...

Well having said so much...I guess you won't be worrying everyday for this zhu tou of urs anymore, would you? Don't worry, I'm fine...but how about you? I wanna hear from you... I still hope to see you again, as usual...

Take care,
~Kaze

Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for that final moment
You'll say the words that I can't say

I miss...

Finally, today is the end of helping ppl...can finally take a rest. Cheers! Perhaps I just don't want to face it that everything's over, school's over...that's why I kept working even after assessment...but well...things had to end in a certain way, and I knew I would miss everyone, just that didn't expect there will be so much happening this semester and there will be that someone I'll miss so much...

While on the bus alone on my way home...I got all emo again, reminded of some stuff...This time round, I was thinking of the days before 21st feb...All the days I lived in happiness, full of hope, full of surprises from the words she said... Words said in the phone...over the air...haha. Well though she didn't repeat...but I know what she was saying that day...and I was once again cheered up...went home smiling...at least I was happy then... She would sit beside me when she's troubled...after some arguments...Listen to me talk... I really missed those days... I dunno why I go and spoil it all by saying I like her...I must admit I don't regret actually, coz everything was so great till 3 weeks ltr... It's like nth I've experienced before...I enjoyed those days too...Thinking of those days could get me to.....so easily. Well sometimes things like buying drinks for me can get me all happy...perhaps I don't show..but I was...soo happy...=)

I want those feelings to come back...I want to see her for sure...But for now...I'm just left with so much to miss...I miss...

I miss you...

Thinking of some stuff..

5.45am ~~~ backed home...bathed, ready to go to bed... Thinking of some stuff...was so disappointed to find out that she won't be going today(yesterday)...though I didn't show. But I played my music and I emo on my own again...haha well disappointed was one thing, but I know I had to continue do those works... So I didn't stop. I wanted to take a break and just sit downstairs alone...but well I guess it will be wasting other people's time...instead of my own...so I didn't.

Well for one moment, I really had that urge to pick up my phone and tell you how much I missed you. But I guess you'll just find me stupid...so I didn't...Listening to the song "Bizarre Love Triangle", though I dunno what it's singing...but it felt like I understand...and i just feel so emo. I just love this song...

Well nth much to say anymore...just lot's of stuff going through my mind now that's keeping me awake... stuff like when will I see her? and what's it gonna be like the next time I see her. Will the attitude change again? How's she doing? Wonder will she still be able to come out once in a while... Well I guess I'm thinking too much. all my mind's abt her and it should stop...just dunno how. Everyday, it seems like an automatic thing to be thinking of her...

I wanna end this kind of life...I wanna do something abt it...just dunno what to do...

"Ni mei shuo bu ai wo, que xiang lian ren ban qian guo wo de shou...
Ru guo bu yao wo, wei he xiang lian ren she mo dou bu shuo...?"

The truth is, I do miss her...

Although I'm telling people it doesn't matter if I get to see her now...(coz perhaps I won't get to see her often next time anyway). But the truth is I wanted so much to see her...even though the day might just end with just abit of joke here and there. Though everyday, I wished for abit more than that. Sometimes it's just this feeling that you just wanna see that one person, you know it's short, you know it ain't gonna last, you know it's gonna end up making it harder for you to get over it, you know all the impossibles...Yet you wished for the possible...you want it to happen, you wished for miracles, you try your best, just to see her, even though it may mean nothing later on. But the point is, you want to see her, and you got to see her. You can wish for nothing more......you just can't help but smile when you see her.

Anyway, yesterday was the start of helping day again. Went to wei qi house to help with his work. Well he's so nice to treat me and gary to burger king...and before that, me to curry...haha. But I think when I get the money, I'm gonna return him, at least one meal bah...coz I think it's abit too much for him. Haha. and I didn't really helped much...Gary did a better job. He got a more productive rate than me...haha. Perhaps I just can't concentrate well. Especially with so much stuff inside my mind. Seriously, I wanna go to sentosa/gary's house today...but I can't, have to help other people, but I guess I got no money also... Sian, left with $6, dunno ltr eat wad... I think Lasalle grass should taste not bad bah...haha. Sian la, wished my dad was on auto gear...today tuesday liao lei... =.=" Well I'm off to prepare and hav my cup noodle (speaking of cup noodle, why does he buy so many seafood flavour when noone in the house eat seafood flavour)...then off I go to school! =) well not really looking forward though...haha.

Thanks.
~Kaze

The truth is, I do miss you...