I think I'm gonna change the picture soon too...but for now...I'll just leave it. I know i'll kinda miss this pic when I change it away. Haha. Though it's not a wonderful drawing but it meant alot. To me, at least.
I think I'm gonna say what I wanna say. Don't wish to hide anything, just to make myself get over it, or let other people know that I'm fine. Well I AM fine. It won't kill, yea...but why does everyone try to tell me to get over? Why do I have to? I mean, It's still not wrong to think about it right? well nth happened, just that this is what I wanted to say all these while. I don't know, but I don't think the right way is to "get over it". It's like so fukkin lame. And nevertheless, it's not "forgeting it" either. Just "let it be" I guess...sooner or later, it'll be fine.
ok enough said regarding that.
Hmmm... thinking endlessly sure do suck. And yea, you look at you msn contact list...how many has an emo nick? That's quite true eh... Happy stuff are usually taken for granted...that you won't even bother to post it as a nick or write it down somewhere. When you've lost that happiness, you'll then be looking for it back, so desperately. But often, it's too late.
Falling in love.
What is falling in love. I guess usually you got close to someone, you start to find this person interesting, find this person to your likings... and eventually, everything he/she does become so beautiful to you. You'll put your concentration on this person, observing her/him. Normally you'll find that you'll only notice those nice things he/she does, but that's not true. It's just that you're unwilling to see those bad points of her/him, simply because you like her/him. You'll do stupid things you've never thought you will do. Things like lying beside, taking a photo of her/him when he/she didn't notice. Then you smile. That, perhaps, is the starting of liking that someone. I'm not too sure... I wished I had more to go through...more to experience...more memories. Thinking back, I've done quite alot of stupid things too, things that I never thought I would do... Sometimes when I think of those stuff... I just smile...at how and where did I get all those courage to do those stuff?
Sometimes it's hard to carry on, if it's just one-sided. I mean, when you've lost that liking for this person. Even if he/she is trying so hard, it's useless. It's hard to explain but things are different now. It's so easy to tell. Just make a comparison, it's different alright... Yeah, it's hard, but I know I'll accept it sooner or later. Perhaps I already did.
You know I've been such a stupid dumb dumb, and it's time to wake up. I've almost forgotten the very first intention I'm having when we first got close. The only intention was to help. Help her while she slowly recover from "a fall". Yeah. That was the only intention, only motive, at that point of time. But soon, I experienced what I stated above. I must admit it's a kind of experience that kept me going. It's like I'm on drugs...haha... Everyday, there was something, or rather, someone to look forward to... I've never been so energetic early in the morning, while taking bus... coz I had sms to kept me awake I guess. Still remember listening to this song called "All about you". Those were the things that kept me going. I've stopped listening to this song quite some time ago. I'm now listening to this song at this very moment, again. That feeling is there, but it's different. It's making me feel so...... I feel like I could cry. ahah! So with the very first intention in mind, I guess all that's important is she's now happy, again. And I'm smiling because I know that. All the best to this someone who've gave me this wonderful piece of memory in my life. =/
I don't know when will be the next time I see her... I don't wish to hide anything. I miss her...
~Kaze
"ok fine, I cried, so what?"
It's all about you...
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