Do I look like a fool to you?

People...

I just wanna ask one question...

Do I look like a fool to you guys?

Coz I think I am......

Nothing much to say...

Thanks.
~Kaze

Countdown to destruction...

I don't know what people think of me... I don't know how they think of me... But why am I thinking that they're thinking badly of me... I'm always trying my best to make people think of me better... at least not as a bad guy... But end up sometimes people just constantly think badly of me. Is it becoz I'm not trying hard enough? or is it becoz they're just constantly looking into bad things, thinking badly of other people? I know I'm not a nice guy... Not a very nice guy... But I'm trying my best here. It's tiring trying so hard sometimes. Everything I do, I hope to achieve peace and harmony and make everyone like me. But it seems like the more I try, the more I'm not achieving that peace and harmony. "Just be yourself" I know...I AM being myself... you may say I think too much...but sometimes I just know, I just know that another person is thinking badly of me. I can see...I can sense.

FUK this mind of mine...I'm breaking down, I'm exploding! Let it explode! just Let it be...

So DAMN fucked up nowadays...I'm just a fukkin bad guy. Don't need to care about me. Nobody cares anyway. Nobody's there for me when I need one. I still "haha" infront of them...without showing it. Coz I don't want them to think badly of me, yet again. FUCK my MIND!

and I'm sick of people asking me what happened. You can help by not asking to stress my mind further more...What I need is someone just sitting beside me...or just accompanying me...I don't want people to ask me what happened...but cheer me up pls...I don't want people to talk to me just becoz they wanna know what happened, I want people to talk to me becoz they really care! I'm just a motherfuckin lonely wierdo who's gonna explode soon... just like gary said...EXPLODing soon. COUNTDOWN......to destruction... =.="

Thanks.
~Kaze

Goodbye everyone... =)

Good bye everyone...
I'm gonna end my life......


















haha just kidding... bu hao siao i know... aiya nth to do... so lame by myself entertain myself lor... See, so cham, have to end up entertaining myself...=.=" sigh... still no one wanna come entertain me ar? aiyo... I'm dying...I'm so deep down in the pit...someone come save me pls...! haha.

Thanks.
~Kaze

It makes me wanna puke.

So sian so sian so sian!

I'm bored to death... I'm dying of boreness (is there such a word, aiya wadever... -.-")

The point is, I'M DAMN BORED!

People people! Lai lai entertain me... Lai ask me out... but hor...think next week then can go out... I'm broke...haiyo...like that how...got anyway can kill my "boreness" without spending any money de ma? Lai lai teach me... but must fun de hor...

sigh...dots...I talking crap liao... Men dao anyhow type liao... -.-"

I'm bored, i'm bored, i'm bored... I hate this...I want to go out... Sian..I wan to go to school...again... so that I can see people I wanna see... =/

Damn sad now...dunno wad to say liao...

-------------------------------------------------
and one more thing, I hate people who need help yet still act act, and act until so pathetic and act until they're nice not to trouble u, yet deep inside they want you to help...It's like so...contradicting...and it really pissed me off. Seriously, helping is good and I love to help...but you ask for help, I help...that's it! don't have to keep saying anything else... Dun hav to act like you're nice. Well, I know if you're nice myself...and that won't change any impression I have for you, be it good or bad.

People reading this, I'm not point any fingers...and not blaming anyone...but I just hope you guys will understand me and not be like this towards me in the future. And dun bother explaining...becoz I'm not refering to anyone...infact there're alot of people around me who's pissed me off with something like this before...I'll still help people, but please change if you're someone like this, at least dun do this to me... it makes me wanna puke!

=.=" oh god, i think I'm getting a fukin pms now...sian...ppl one month come only once...i come so many times sia...shoo shoo go away!

Well, You Know My Name, you know I'm The Best DAMN Thing, so you better Love Me Madly and Feel Good about it! Though you're always Never There, When You're Gone, I'll wish you Good Luck.....

Thanks.
~Kaze

I miss you~~~

Lots of sigh...

sian... dunno why my john lennon songs all gone...left with "Alone again" Have to upload again...

Just had my lunch...Nothing much happened yet... Perhaps that's why I'm feeling bored...again. So DAMN bored! There're people I want to see but can't, there're ppl I don't like, yet have to see them... There're places I wanna go, but can't. There're things I wanna learn, but can't. There're things I wanna do, but can't. There're things I don't like to do, but have to do them everyday. There're so much things I dislike about myself, but I have to live with it... I don't want to be alone...but I am, most of the time.

Why can't life be how we want? I want to do things I like, I want to go to places I like, I want to meet people I like!! I wanna see you... =/

But I guess this is how life's suppose to be... listening to "yan lei cheng shi" now...such a sad music...but I like. Emo emo emo! =.=" dun call me emo freak la... it's also not I want de ok?

Lots of Sigh... :(

Thanks.
~Kaze

I just hope to see you again...=/

Everyday I thank god...

It's been 5 days since my assessment... but seems like today I'm just starting to feel...lonely, again... The whole day, just sitting infront of my computer...don't know what to do... All I did was think and think... Lucky there was gary to keep me company, after I woke up from a short nap. We chat and chat and time passes so fast..."I thank god, that I can talk hip, even though I'm crying inside..."

I've uploaded lots of songs today... guess I got nothing better to do. Anyway, there're now 3 playlists...one is the usual mixed songs...that doesn't include most of the songs from the other 2 playlists. I put it to shuffle randomly... There're songs from "cake" and other artiste down at the bottom of this playlist. And another playlist is songs by "John Lennon", I put them into a seperate playlist coz I know most people won't like his songs...so don't wanna mix with the rest... The third playlists contains all emo songs...Well some not really emo but I put it in... But one sure thing is except for "when you're gone", the rest of the songs in this playlists aren't really very loud. So can help smoothen ur mind bah... And I guess I'll be listening to this playlist alot. Emo freak...haha.

sigh, tmrw gotta start helping again most probably... I'm tired actually...who wouldn't? But that's what that keeps me from staring blankly into my computer... I have nothing better to do now anyway. No school, no classmates to talk to, no work to do, no where to go, no friends to go out with, and I can't see you... :/

Edit :

I'm emo again...after reading the post on her blog...sigh...I l'm lying in front of my com now listening to "your song", and the next thing I know...... I...

"I hope you don't mind, that I put down in words...how wonderful life is when you're in the world..."

When I'm with friends, I thank god, that I can talk hip, even though I'm
crying inside......

Brighten up my day...

In such a low spirit now...suddenly nth to do... don't know what to do...just lying on my table infront of com... listening to some emo songs...just stare at somewhere. Thinking...My life's so boring... Today...I don't know what to do anymore... it's true I want to help my classmates with their work...but today I'm just in no mood for that... Perhaps I just wanna take a break... Is there something I can do now to boost my morale? I don't know...

Perhaps I'll take a walk on my own to town bah...sigh...dunno if i should...walking alone makes me think of so much stuff...

Tell me what to do...or brighten up my day pls... well I guess nothing can make me happy now... I'm down down down to the pit again...

Thanks.
~Kaze

The words I need to hear, I miss you...

One day you’ll look to see I’ve gone,
For tomorrow may rain so I’ll follow the sun.
Some day you’ll know I was the one,
But tomorrow may rain so I’ll follow the sun.
And now the time has come so my love I must go,
And though I lose a friend in the end you will know, oh
One day you’ll find that I have gone,
But tomorrow may rain so I’ll follow the sun.
And now the time has come so my love I must go,
And though I lose a friend in the end you will know, oh
One day you’ll find that I have gone,
For tomorrow may rain so I’ll follow the sun.

=)

Perhaps all u people in a relationship should listen to "When I'm 64" and ask your other half those questions...haha...see wad's the reply...

"will you still need me? will you still feed me? when I'm 64..."

Thanks.
~Kaze

"When you're gone, the words I need to hear to always get me through the day and
make it ok... I miss you..."

Cheer up pls... =/

I don't know why, nothing happened... But I'm getting so frustrated...I'm getting pissed so easily now...Perhaps I'm just tired...but I know there's something more that's making me feel so uneasy... Sometimes I envy people that have other ppl to cheer them up when they're feeling down...I look at them and I feel so..."sour"? that I'm missing this something they have... Perhaps sometime all we need is to have a person to do something or say something that brighten up ur "night" after a day's hardwork...I don't know about you people, but I'll feel so good if I have such a person in my life...I'll smile...even though I'm tired...and it's not a forced smile... It's just an automatic reaction/feeling that I will have...

The friendster horoscope is so true that I'm constantly seeking for equality...well sometimes I feel that's what's making me so vexed? I know life isn't fair...I know that...but surely, I'm not wrong either to be seeking for that fairness. I can no longer find that balance in my life...perhaps I should just look at things I have now and not things I don't have...but things that I have, surely isn't making me happy. I'm here typing...while listening to some emo songs...well all my songs are emo songs...haha...but these songs I'm listening now are nice...indonesian songs... most people just give me lots of "Dots" when I tell them about it. But what's wrong with listening to indonesian songs? They're much nicer than some songs you guys are listening... They are songs that can make me so emo even without me knowing what the hell it's singing?

I feel so sick...not only mentally, but physically too, I seem to be having sore throat, yet I'm stuffing my mouth with potato chips...For? I dunno, I just feel like eating...rather than some actual meals... Everything I eat seems tasteless and I finish it without really enjoying them...perhaps the only time I've enjoyed my food was when I'm with her. I don't care if she really like me, the point is I enjoyed... I smile becoz of her, I cry becoz of her, I work hard becoz of her, I run becoz of her, I enjoyed my life while with her. The point is becoz of her, I've lived my life enjoying it. My life had nv had so much happening before. It doesn't matter how it is now... what's important is I've so much to remember...and I'm really glad for all these memories I'm having. It may end badly...but I sure have nth to lose...Just gain...So why am I so sad? Cheer up pls...=/

Thanks.
~Kaze

Entertain me pls...=|

Sian sian sian sian sianxxxxxx.........................................
Tracing animals till very sian la! but quite fun, just that too boring...haha, someone lai lai, entertain me pls...inject some fun into me pls...haha

crap =.="

Thanks.
~Kaze

Untitled...

Finally finished what I initially plan to finish...although her assessment is tmrw rather than today and got lots more work to do...But I promised to help my sis and couldn't help her anymore.

I guess today may be the last day seeing her...Full of disappointment...just didn't want it to end like this...but it did. I'm left alone again...feeling so exhausted...so tired that I can't even cry, which is perhaps a good thing...I'm not tired enough...have to get myself tired just a little bit more...perhaps this is the only way I can prevent myself from thinking abt it. Maybe I should go find a job and work work work...just make myself so tired that I can't think anymore...tired till I'm numb...

I dunno if I should say this. I know nth have been said...and she said nothing's changed. But you know sometimes things are different after some incident occured...even the "bye bye" she said are different. I still remember the bye bye she used to said while on the train...It's different...I don't know how to put it in words...but it's just different. Perhaps that was the only time she looked back after saying good bye...that saturday...was really happy that day after I saw that thing she made...I missed bidding her goodbye while holding her hand... But it's ok...I know this holiday is a great time for her to meet new people...and perhaps...she will meet someone much much better...(it's not like it's very difficult anyway) so I shall wish her the best.

I'm sorry but perhaps I can't be your zhu tou forever, even though I wanted very much to be. You'll always remain in my heart though...Good bye, zhu tou.

"When you walk away, I count the steps that you take."
"Do you see how much I needed you right now?"

seriously I need someone to constantly remind me not to emo...or just be with me...just chill out...At least i know when I'm not happy, there's someone there cheering me up.

Thanks.
~Kaze

Bad day...=.="

Wad a bad day for me...I woke up with my throat feeling so dry(still dry now) and my nose blocked...i rushed to take a shower and quickly start to do work...I was finding maskin tape when I suddenly black out, I just grab a chair and fell on it...=.=" Then I didn't eat anything till now, for the whole day...but dunno why am I getting this stomachache...then I was changing the photoshop thing when the whole thing just freaking hang!? and it's too damn slow as the file was so damn big and my com is out of space...I rushed to sunshine plaza to get something printed and on the way there, I knocked onto an old man he almost fell...I'm feeling bad now...that I didn't apologise to him. But he was blocking the way and ignored me when I said "excuse me" ? I just run and run, afraid I'm not able to get it printed...

Seriously I wanted to help so much..yet I'm doing so slow and is like yue bang yue mang...I'm like useless? I really hope you can do well...even if I don't get to see you anymore...I'm gonna blame myself so much if you didn't do well... sigh.

I'm so hungry now...=.="

Sorry,
~Kaze

and xianguo, u're right, if there's a girl sing that song "when you're gone" to me, sure melt...haha...but man man deng jiu you la...-.-"

Too sad...

Sometimes some words said out of anger may make u regret later on...Some people are so used to doing it still. They said stuff like this just to vend their anger perhaps. They put it in a way that's like they're confirm and sure about what they're doing...that they've "decided"...yet I know they're not...I know they'll say something else later on. Sometimes I myself get carried off and become like this too...but I hate myself for that...I hate doing that. That's why I seldom speak too...coz I dun wanna say something that I might regret ltr...and go on saying you've already decided on another thing...well come on, make up ur decision...and I'm already quite stress for these stuff anyway...if I can hav a choice, pls dun tell it to me...I'm not interested in any way.

Anyway, I'm so tired working and thinking of stuff at the same time...it seems like the more i work, the quicker it's all gonna finish...the faster it ends...and I will be too lost when that happens...I really dun wan tomorrow to come...Sometimes I do know what I want...but why am I still so lost? Someone guide me on the right direction pls...I'm just feeling so sad whenever i think of it. I'm too sad to say anything else... I'll miss you.

Thanks.
~Kaze

Appreciation...?

Thanks.
~Kaze

Assessment over.

Assessment is finally over...no more rushing of work...no more sleeping late...or continuous "Ton" for few days...But why am I not happy about it? I used to be so happy when holidays come...but now I just dun feel that. Something's gone missing, Feel like there's a big hole in my heart. Sigh...I'm so tired...I fall asleep even when Im typing this half way...But there's something I must do now...something that I know will keep me awake, keep me happy.

As long as I'm happy doing it...I guess nothing matters anymore... :D

Thanks.
~Kaze

My black book

Boring, boring, boring...my life is so boring now...I'm sick of work...I'm so sick...perhaps I'm falling sick soon...throat seems to have some problem since few days ago...Everything seems tasteless to me...and I have no appetite for any food...I eat for the sake of eating...I don't know why, perhaps too stressed...seriously it's not easy trying so hard to complete my work while my mind is way off at somewhere else...And I exploded one time...perhaps a second one's coming. I will try to control it though...everyone's like saying I'm doing my work so fast...especially my black book...but what they do not know is the content of that book...There're lot's of hand written stuff inside...and there's this intro which I took out when I showed everyone. Coz when I'm starting that book, some things happened and I was really depressed. I can tell no one but to write it out...then if I like it, perhaps I'll post on my blog... It's like I'm being accompanied through my visual journey...but it isn't true in reality...Of coz I would've hoped for a more happy black book than a depress one like this...but things just happened...perhaps that's why people seems to see alot in my black book...but actually they're all irrelevant stuff...but I thought it's to tell a story, so i put it in...and that's the only thing that got me moving...alone. Everyday, every night, when I got something in mind, I just write. I'm sure perhaps they sux...but they're my feelings and they don't sucks to me. To be honest, I enjoy writing those stuff coz it kinda relieve my stress a little. Especially in the middle of the night when everyone's asleep and I'm still writing. BUT, I won't want to write those stuff again...if it's all just sad stuff......

Can there be something I can be happy about and write about it? I seriously need some happy injection...:P

Thanks.
~Kaze

Inject me with happiness please...:P

Everybody's got a song to keep

You know...every songs contain different memories when listening. It may be a sad song, but it may remind you of some good memories.

I'm sure everyone has a song to remind you someone. That indonesian song on my playlist "Selepas Kau Pergi" will remind me of Sally...and perhaps jankin. Whenever I listen to Jap songs that Shida sent me...it'll remind me of him...and perhaps YJ. Whenever I listen to that song "I'll find a way" it reminds me of something stupid...now to think about it.

For now, all the songs that I'm listening to...reminds me of you...Especially a few songs...

Well it's ok to remind urself of someone once in a while...but just remember to get back to reality and put that song aside and try other songs perhaps...Keep that song as a memory...a memory perhaps only you know...Try not to get upset everytime listening to that song...dun change songs just because you dun wanna listen and bring back some memories. Dun be afraid of the song...Don't let the song control your emotions...it's just a song which meant something more to you.

Everybody's got a song to keep. So what song are you listening now? and who does it reminds you of?

Lot's of work to do...but yet I'm feeling something's missing...I just can't concentrate...sigh. how I hope there're still messages to keep me busy all day long...even though I'm already busy now...=.="

Thanks.
~Kaze

I'm already missing you...:(

I'm gonna miss you so much!

Today is both a happy and sad day. I've nv been so happy for the past 1 month plus. But I'm so sad that it had to end so soon, it had to end now...Nearing the end of the day...I became so depress...becoz it's all ending soon. I might not be able to see you anymore...I don't know...3 months holiday sure is long...I really hope I'll be able to see you even with your busy schedule...I'm just so damn sad that things are just starting to get better and then the next thing you know...you're near the ending of the show. I told myself not to cry...I stopped my tears from coming out when I'm walking up the stairs after sending you off. But I'm glad you asked and I told you what I wanted to say. In that room, listening to that song which you kept repeating...just make it worst...I very much like this song...but it's just too sad when I listen to it while thinking that things are going to end so soon, you're going back home soon.

I will work non stop, I don't mind, if only the time will stop...I don't know what will happen in the future, But I'm gonna try my best I guess...to get you to come out. I'm gonna miss you so much!:( now I can really sing along with "when you're gone"...haha...

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cried
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie
is made up on your side

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
All the words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do
reminds me of you
And the clothes you left
they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you
I love the things that you do

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take

Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
All the words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were
Yeah

All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I do I give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me
Yeah

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
All the words I need to hear will always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you



Thanks.
~Zhu tou, always.

My last cry...

It's 10.40am now and I'm all washed up...ready to start a new day. I guess I got too emotional yesterday. Perhaps the rest of the class isn't as sad as me. But this is me. I'm a libra! I love peace. I dislike conflict. To know more about libra...go to this site, Astrology Online, I find it quite true for me...haha. perhaps that's also why I kept blaming myself for what happened. Yesterday should be my last cry, I'm telling myself not to cry over anything anymore. Nothing more can make me cry like yesterday anyway...I'm listening to "when you're gone" by avril lavigne. It's a nice song, but listen to the lyrics and you'll know why I get so emo now and have this mood to type a new post.

"everything I do, reminds me of you..."
"when you're gone, the pieces of my heart are missing you..."
"when you're gone, the face I came to know is missing too..."
"when you're gone, the words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok, I miss you..."

Thanks.
~Kaze

Saddest day of my life...

Today's the saddest day of my life...

I used to tell people that I don't like my class...I hate it. But today I realised how much I didn't wanna leave them, didn't want them to leave me. I followed them to one of my classmates' house. I didn't wanna end the last day just like this. I nv regret going. I heard so much talking, so much joke...brings back lots of memories when we used to did our work together...We grossip about people...we used to said after assessment, find a day, go chalet just to grossip. I still remember. I looked at him lying on the bed, so restless...I didn't know why, but I just feel so bad. Somehow I'm the one who caused all these. The more I hear them talk about stuff that we used to talked about...like some dirty stuff, the more I feel so much regret. I turned around, and I cried. I hid from them. Until some stuff that really brought back so much memories that's going to end so soon, I couldn't take it anymore and I ran to the bathroom, locked the door, faced the mirror, and asked myself, "What have I done???" I looked at myself and I cried. I hate myself. It was my fault all along. I really feel so bad for letting him down. Sin was all I seen in my reflection. Everything was fine and I stepped in. I looked at the reflection and I saw this t-shirt and jeans I'm wearing. It's the same outfit I wore that day and said something to her which later hurt him so badly. I just hate myself! I washed my face so many times that I don't remember anymore. I wanna hide, hide this side of me from everyone. I went out and continued to joke with them...I wanted to give them the best I could. I faced him with a real smile, a smile that's saying "I'm so sorry". I didn't know what more I could give him. The smile was the best gift I could ever give. I watched with him some gore stuff which I don't really like...I talked dirty stuff again with him...teasing other people. I wanted so much to go back to that life we used to had. They kept asking me to go home coz I'm having group meeting tomorrow. But I really didn't want to. I know I'll miss them so much. And whenever they asked, I didn't answer, but turned around and tears just drop out. I pretend I was yawning, I pretend I was tired. I really want to give them the very best with my last day with them. It was so hard to bid them goodbye. It really hurts when I said "bye" to him. It really does. I wanted so much to say "I'm sorry" to him, but I know he will tell me there's nth to be sorry about...I don't want to hear that, I just want him to accept my apology. So I still didn't say it till the very end. I really hope one day he can read this...and accept that apology...Actually everytime I cried, I cried because of him...I cry because I thought I'm gonna lose this friend. And now I'm really bidding him goodbye perhaps for the last time. My dad drove off and I immediately turned and cried. I didn't want my dad to see me cry too. He drove me to have some porridge. While having the porridge, I didn't dare to raise my head coz my eyes are full of tears. Tears almost mixed with the porridge. I have my drink and the straw didn't leave my mouth for 1 sec. My head was down. Tears almost dropped down but I stopped it with my hand very quickly and hoped my dad didn't notice. The porridge numbed my tongue...I hoped it could numb my heart so that I don't feel anymore. It was so warm, but I'm feeling so cold inside. They said I could sleep through the journey home on the taxi. I didn't. I cried all the way home instead. And I didn't know why but I was crying so badly when my dad switched on the radio and it was some sort of jazz music...he switched channel and it was a song singing "I miss you so much I don't know what to say anymore..." I cried even harder...he switched channel again and this song made me cried even harder..."...you can cry me a river......cry me a river...I cry a river over you......" I really cried a river over you...=.=" It's now 3am and I'm still crying so hard alone, with everyone asleep...I want to stop, but my eyes won't listen. Tears just flow down non stop.

I regret for not using my time well
I regret for not being able to get photos of everyone in it
I regret I don't even have a class photo to keep
I regret for letting him down
I regret for not being a nice guy
I regret for not being able to be with you
I regret......
But perhaps The only thing I never regret was that I told you I like you......
What I regret was me not being able to really control myself from hurting a friend...

I'm sorry, Shida, I really am...!

Thanks.
~Kaze

Mix feelings...

Nothing much to say. Yesterday was a day with lots of mix feelings. lots of Disappointment, some confusion, abit of frustration, a little happiness, and then finally felt so "rejected" "sadded". haha. Maybe i should cut this head of mine off, no more pig head, no more thinking of it. haha.

It's 8am now I don't know if I should go to school. I haven't finish my work to show. Coz I went to sleep yesterday instead of doing it... I really want to see you...it seems to be the last day to see you. I really want to see you, even if we're not talking for the whole day. I heard you saying about how you want to disappear during the holidays...since quite some time before, even before I told you. I'm really afraid that it's true. Sometimes I want to talk to you but dunno how to start a conversation, coz you used to be the one coming to me and I took for granted. But I saw you talking so happily with the rest...so nvm. didn't wanna interrupt. Perhaps feelings didn't changed, but some things did changed. If I get an opportunity, I'll try though. You said "bye" to me yesterday, to "zhu tou" to be exact. It seems to be a long time since I heard that. Perhaps more than 1 month. We joke around abit and I was really happy. But are things really the same? Some acts, some people you'll approach, are different. Don't know if I should go to school ltr, it's be a waste of time. I'm left with 3 days till my assessment. It's true that I love limegreen, I love my songs...I love my com. But it's not enough. What I really need is you. You are the only one that can make me feel happy. Those stuff are just things to get me going without you around...

Anyway, was quite happy that when I was feeling so frustration, isolated yesterday, there was someone to keep me company through sms. Didn't thought that person will be smsing me. In fact I'm quite afraid to get close to this person again...But yea, just wanna thank this person I guess.

Thanks.
~Kaze

Frowning and Smiling...

Expressions. What are they? Are they purely different faces created from feelings? Why do people frown? What is frown? When do people frown? When they have something troubling them? Do people frown when they are happy? Yes. When you're happy, you still think of unhappy things...and you frown. Frowning is when in between your eyebrown, it starts to form lines to join them up. Frowning becomes more and more normal as you grow older. When you think back to your childhood, you're more happy back then, weren't you? But as you grow older. So has your understanding of other expressions and feelings. And they started to show.

What is smiling? Smiling is the opposite of frowning. They are both made up of solely the alphabet "C". So when do people smile? When their minds tell them that something is funny. When they feel glad, happy. Do people smile when they're down? Yes they do. They think of how god's playing them, how stupid their lifes are, they find their life a joke. They may also think of how wonderful life still is without that something they are sad about. They ARE sad.

If you were to say something to make yourself smile, will you ask yourself, "Why are you frowning?" or will you ask yourself, "Why aren't you smiling?" Which one seems more suitable? more effective? more appropriate? If you can buy yourself something to cheer yourself up, what will you be buying? People asked me "What's with that look?" I wanted to tell them, "This is Not a look! This is my face!" Why? When a person smile, it does not mean he/she is happy. When a person frown, it does not mean he/she is unhappy. But people subconciously have this mindset, this automatic reaction, that define smiling as happy and frowning as unhappy.

If you still don't understand what I meant, here's an example. I face everyone with a big smile, even to people I dislike, why? I hope for peace. But am I happy? No, I guess. Now for the frowning part, I frown because I don't know how to tell my good friend that I like the same girl he likes. But am I happy? Yes, simple, becoz I'm in love.

SO Do you still think that smiling and frowning is as easy as it seems? I don't think so, do you???

-------------------------------------------------------------------
This is something I wrote quite some time ago. And the main reason I'm typing out now is because, Andy, I want you to know that you wished to see her smile...you are seeing it, perhaps I'm wrong, but she may not be as happy as she seems to be. You have too many maybes...and should clear your doubt by asking. Even if it's been such a long time. Just asking to be sure that she's well, that she's what you've wished for now...Perhaps she's not happy for your leaving 4 months ago. You said girls don't interest you anymore but it's to your interest that you want her to be well, isn't it? Of coz, if you want to let everything rest...that's fine...Be emo once in a while...but just don't let it affect your life. You deserves the sleep every night. =)

Thanks.
~Kaze

I want to see you right away...haha.

It's been a little while from now...
I've been thinking too much and it has to stop.
It seems like it's getting better.
Things haven't changed a bit, you said.

I hope that you're right about that,
Coz I hope to go back to how it used to be.
I hope to see you right away,
Coz I hope to hold you hands again.

One month had passed and it's time for things to come to place.
I'm really happy to hear you say,
that I'm still yours,
Coz I know you're still mine.

I hope I'll never have to say goodbye,
Coz I know it isn't as easy as saying hello.
I hope everything will be fine,
For our remaining days to come...

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Finally a more happy post in this blog...coz things seems to be better now. You know, I'm actually quite a dumb person. Sometimes I need hints like this to get me going...Coz I really don't understand you well enough...But Now all I want is TO SEE YOU! =)

Thanks.
~Kaze

I still want to be back like it used to be...

Tell me I'm not dead...coz I seriously think I am...=.="'...assessment's in 4 days time and I went for a movie? "Am I crazy?"

Today, I basically wasted one whole day again...I'm stupid, I'm stubborn, my life is so messed up. I stubbornly dun wan to do my work...sigh...And when I start doing, can't think of good ideas...that explains why I'm stupid.

Anyway, went for a spanish movie, a chasing and killing with some gore stuff movie. Well actually to be honest, the only thing I like about this movie? IS the songs...both opening and ending song. I simply love the ending song. Well call me a wierdo, i dun care...I just love those kind of songs...although I dunno wad language it is in. And ppl go for all these movies for those gore part...but I hate those. I'm glad there isn't much gore in this movie...more chasing...which I'm more interested in. The gore part just makes me more stress at my current state. The one thing unique about this show is the chasing part is done underwater! nice la...like different from the other movies. Anyway, the underwater footage was fine, nicely shot. If anyone can get me that ending song, i will thank him/her with a kiss...hahahaha...siao.

----------------------------------------------------------------

I hate endings....I hate endings of movies, I hate endings of party, I hate endings of gatherings, I hate ending or my story. But perhaps my story hasn't ended. Ya perhaps you're right about nth has changed. I don't really know what that means but I really hope to be back like we used to be...or be normal. I won't avoid...I want you to know I'm still me...and I hope you're still with me...I will try to talk more...if that's what you really want...I thought you didn't wanna talk...so I try to stay a distance so you can feel more...normal? perhaps?

I hope to go back as usual...I hope you can give me a chance to like you like I used to...

I hope you'll still be my zhu tou.

errr dun wan say le, zai say i will cry liao...=.="sigh...I just hope you'll read this.

Thanks.
~Kaze

I'll get over it someday...

Phew...finally struggle through and done my external final project. I'm still quite happy with it...but dunno if it's even a "pass" standard...

I'm really glad there's someone to talk to me while I do work...even when the person's not her...If I've been alone...maybe I'll still be struggling right now...and I thank all my friends for all the advice they gave...I really appreciate. Everyone's telling me I should get over it...Well, I'm trying to...it's just a little bit harder than I thought. sigh...Tomorrow, I'm not going to school again...It's wierd, The more I want to see her, the more I know I shouldn't. But she's also not the main reason I'm not going la...just that there's nth to motivate me to go to school everyday anymore...come to think abt it, my good attendance this semester was partly because I had something that motivate me to go to school, to do my work...sigh, I will be strong...I will still get emo once in a while, but I'll get over it soon I guess...at least I'll try, everyone don't worry. =)

Thanks.
~Kaze

I dream of you

It's 4.30pm and I'm back home...perhaps got a little better...But I still hate myself...for influencing people around me with my emo shit. Perhaps I'm just tired...and it's making me feel frustrated...I'm feeling hot...I wish my house's air conditioned...haha. I fell asleep on the bus on the way back...I want to sleep...anyone wanna help me do my work? I'm still in no mood to do my external...no idea how to start...spent almost 30 bucks buying Turchoise(dunno how to spell) color stuff...i simply grab anything thats in that color...who the hell suggested that color anyway...yea it may be nice...but how am I gonna get all the materials in that color? It's making me broke. and Again I'm pissed.

I dunno why I get frustrated so easily nowadays...but I wanna change. Someone help me change please. sigh...as I'm typing this, Sally msg me to thank me for helping her and jankin with the CCS presentation thing, the lecturer like it. Well i'm glad to hear that...afterall, both presentation and things to say are all done by me...that's why I ended up not going to tutorial that day...coz have to finish my own 3d stuff...=.=" But at least I'm still not useless in this world...I'm glad I still help ppl rather than trouble them...

Looking at my external photo...that table...it seems to bring back more and more memories...I guess I'll be crying the whole night till I finish it...haha..........-.-" Stupid me la...cry cry cry...siao...as if it will help...sigh...I want to stop lei...somebody lai cheer me up can? hahaha.=.="

Here's a song I wrote while on the bus, i know I shouldn't write anymore but I just feel like writing...and I know my english sux but It's meant to express my feelings, not really become somebody with it...and dun nid care abt it de la...I just write becoz i want to...maybe no meaning also i dunno...

I dream of you

I think I'm really exhauted
I think I know what's feeling tired
But I think my heart's still not dead yet
For all I want to do is think of you

I know I'm dreaming my life away
But I guess I'll do fine anyway
I want to close my eyes and sleep
Then dream of how we used to be

All I want to do is dream of you
All I want to do is be with you
All I want to say is
You are beautiful

All I want to see is the smiling you
All I want to do is care for you
All I want to run is run for you
All I want to dream of
Is holding you

I know it isn't right to do so
But what's wrong with dreaming away
I admit that I was getting too close
Too close was the words you said

I know perhaps it isn't time
For both you and also me
But please tell me what to do
And I'll do it your way

Thanks.
~Kaze

ihatemyself:'(

So many things to do...but I'm just slacking away here...I never feel awake...I want to sleep. Sigh...tmrw have to show external liao...but why am still sitting down here crying? Fuck, I hate myself...fukin emo kid...Why can't i have a stronger heart to restand all these...I love the songs on my blog...and love the songs and things I've wrote. But the more I look at them, the more I end up crying, even if it's just one drop of tears. Fuck myself...I hate myself for being such an emokid, such a crybaby...I hate myself! listening to "fei ni mo shu" by tank...I get even more fukkin emo...especially the 1st part. I went back to my room and lie flat on my bed, But 1st thing I see is her plaster hand...displaying right on top of my shelf...I look at it and I get fukkin emo again. I open my wallet to see how much money I've left...and I see the sentosa skytrain entry card and the movie tickets...it's not that I keep it purposely, just that I don't usually throw all these things away until some time and this one, i think I won't...and Yeah, I get fukkin emo again...I go to my friend's blog which the html starts with "x" and i see the link to the slide thing she made...and i get fukkin emo again...Yesterday night I took bus and went pass vivo......look at the railings near the busstop, it reminds me of that day when i sat there waiting for my dad to come pick me up, and she msg me to tell me she enjoyed the day with me...I was happy becoz I finally told her. And on the bus, I get fukkin emo again...I'm going to art friend ltr, and everytime I walk there I'll see "zara" and I'm fukkin reminded of how I used to wait outside fitting room for her...it's not that store alright but I'm just reminded of it...and I get stupidly emo again...even when I do my work, I see that pencil case...and fuk the emo part...If I go to bras basah art friend, I'll go pass bugis junction and see that stupid restaurant we used to had our dinner once there...and I get fukkin emo...I take a cab and I'm fukkin reminded of that day when we held hands in the cab...I was so unwilling to let go...The Hell I am! And I fukkin get emo again...and I'm getting so fukkin emo now while listening to songs and typing this...

I HATE MYSELF! I wish to put a bullet right into my mind to stop all these once and for all! Fuk! I'm going out...take a bus and get emo by myself!

Thanks.
~Kaze

Who is God?

Seriously, I thought I had got over it, that I've become numb. But today I realised that I didn't...sigh...I just feel so *** whenever I look at her......I dunno what else to say...all I know is I'm ***, ***, ***......

I don't wish to be alone...coz everytime I am...I will think about it and get upset about it and I ***...Sigh...Kaze! Get a Life!

I don't think I'm going to school tmrw...Don't have anything to do there...and also...i think it's better not to go......and I dunno why am i saying this but I wish everyone the best...I hope for everyone to be happy...happy...happy! :)

Do you know who is GOD?

You know, when you want something really so badly and you wishes upon a star for it...?
God is the one that ignores you......

Thanks.
~Kaze

It's sad, it's a sad sad situation, but leave me alone for sometime. I'll be fine. :)

I really don't wanna talk about it...I really don't. Coz I know it won't help. Even when explanation is made, they are ultimately "perhaps" "maybe". No confirm answers. So what for? I still didn't get any better understanding of anything...I seriously thought that the term is ending soon and so should the matter be. Let the matter rest and start a new life. Even if everyone's still friends afterwhich, let's be true friends that have nothing to hide, let's start anew. Well, seriously, I don't hide anything from anyone...except for my thinkings...Everyone's tired, everyone's exhausted...I Am exhausted. Everyday I just want to sleep...perhaps I will sleep for all 3 months of holiday...i dunno. I wished I can fall into deep sleep and nv wake again. So that I won't trouble anyone anymore. I want people to do what they want, don't care about me please! You have every right to do so. And if you're seeking an approval, I approve it! And for You, if you've found someone whom you think is the one, just go for it, don't worry about me if you are...I'll be fine. I have to get over it someday and I will. If not just let me stuck here by myself...I'll do fine.

I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round.........:)

Thanks.
~Kaze

WO YAO SHUI JIAO!

Sian la...all the things I've listed...not even 1 done yet...tonight dun nid sleep le la...sigh...shui lai pei wo jiang hua...keep me awake lei...haha...

=.="' WO YAO SHUI JIAO!!!

sigh...something just made me feel like crying out loud 1 min ago...but I guess I'll wait for everyone to be asleep......

Thanks.
~Kaze

Lots of things to do.

Just woke up...hope to really start a new day. Forget about how bad my mood is yesterday...I have to finish my black book of ideas...I need to get some stuff from Art friend...sian...have to go all the way down to orchard to buy...dunno wan go orchard or bras basah...aiya both also sian. and hor, got a feeling my mouth will be damn smelly la...nv talk much these days...nv open mouth...haha, but I just don't feel like talking.

I shall list the things to do today...in case I forget. ahaha:

A paper plane template for my "interesting idea"(buy plastic corrugated)
Buy a piece of longer "wallpaper" for my cover...
Put collage and write some content on both the inside of cover and the 1st page of the real work inside.
An interesting meal.
Leave a mark, going to leave my shadow some where...haha

Sian...lots of things to do...I better get going...who ask my assessment to be on the first day...aiyo..but nvm la...faster the better, faster disappear from this class...I wished to get back to my secondary school friends...I seriously wish for that. They're the best. No backstabbing, badmouth...and they wont go round telling ppl how great they are after actually "helping" some one. They're humble...haha. Regret I didn't mix around with them much last time. Now want to also cannot liao...sigh...:P

Thanks.
~Kaze

A very sad song...

Laura and Tommy were lovers
He wanted to give her everything
flowers, presents
and most of all a wedding ring
He saw a sign for a sport car race
A thousand dollar prize it read
he couldnt get Laura on the phone
So to her mother Tommy said

Tell Laura I love her
Tell Laura I need her
Tell Laura I may be late
I have something to do, that cannot wait

He drove his car to the racing ground
He was the youngest driver there
The crowd roared as they started the race
From the track they drove at a deadly pace
No one knows wat happen that day
How his car overturn in flames
As they pull him from the twisted wreck
With his dying breath they heard him say

Tell Laura I love her
Tell Laura I need her
Tell Laura not to cry
My love for her will never die

In the chapel Laura prayed
For her Tommy who passed away
It was just for Laura he lived and die
Alone in the chapel she can hear him cry

Tell Laura I love her
Tell Laura I need her
Tell Laura not to cry
My love for her will never die

-----------------------------------------------------------
This song is "Tell laura I love her", I guess everyone had heard before...but does anyone really know what the lyrics says? Well, it's a very very sad song...sigh...

Thanks.
~Kaze

FUCK IT!

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

What is your real japanese name?

My japanese name is 秋本 Akimoto (autumn book) 駿 Shun (fast person).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

I think you have to type your name in this format, for eg, Lim Chiewhong, with the last two joined, coz it'll only take the 1st two. And ur surname should be in front. This should be the right way i think.

Thanks.
~Kaze

I'll wear a smile and walk in the sun...=)

It's 6.30am and I'm just getting ready to go to sleep.
So much has happened this semester.
And I'm seeing things more clearly everyday...
And now I'm seeing friends around me with the same common problem troubling us.
But I'm glad all has think it through...and got over it.
Everyone will find their happiness someday, somewhere.
Perhaps you may even find that being by yourself is a kind of happiness too.
It's just not our time yet, perhaps.
When the time comes, everyone grab on tight and give it a try.
If it fails, don't be afraid to try again...
I don't know how to put this across but...
I'll be fine.
so I want you to find your own happiness. :) ( ^@^ )"'

Thanks.
~Kaze

Crying in the rain......

I'll never let you see
The way my broken heart is hurting me
I've got my pride and I know how to hide
All my sorrow and pain
I'll do my crying in the rain

If I wait for stormy skies
You won't know the rain from the tears in my eyes
You'll never know that I still love you so
Though the heartaches remain
I'll do my crying in the rain

Raindrops falling from heaven
Could never wash away my misery
But since we're not together
I'll wait for stormy weather
To hide these tears I hope you'll never see

Someday when my crying's done
I'm gonna wear a smile and walk in the sun
I may be a fool
But till then, darling, you'll never see me complain
I'll do my crying in the rain
I'll do my crying in the rain
I'll do my crying in the rain
I'll do my crying in the rain

Now I know why I loved the rain so much...this is really how I feel...every word...

Thanks.
~Kaze

Does a cat drink Marigold milk?

Was on my way to market to buy something for my 3D when I crossed the road and saw this cat(smaller than usual size, so I guess it's still not fully grown) on his way down the stairs I'm about to climb. I looked at it and it looked at me and the next thing I know, "Meow!" and he turned towards me as I walked up the stairs. He climb back up to follow me...haha...Don't know what's so attractive about me. :P I slowed down but continued walking. I bought my things and I walked back the same place, it's still there. It was rolling on the floor...Haha how cute...It was rollin and rollin when it saw me and "Meow!" and he walked towards me. Haha. I look at it, don't know what to do. I crossed the road. And then I crossed back and went to NTUC to buy a packet of milk. I didn't know what kind of milk does a cat drink. so just buy la. At most I drink lor. haha. So I bought a packet of Marigold milk and went back. But I was dissapointed to find out that it's not there anymore. Sigh... And I ended up sitting downstairs in the void deck drinking milk. =.=" I'm still burping as I type this...haha...and yea, I almost stain my clothes with the milk...once again.

Too bad didn't get a chance to take a photo of it. But this is another cat I saw sleeping on a box stacked high up outside "Cheers"








Awww, how sweet...sleeping like nobody business -.-"
I just wished I'm half as sweet and attractive as it...haha. :P

Thanks.
~Kaze

Define "Get over"

I was browsing through my older posts and old blog. It was to find inspiration for my work. I recalled some things I said...The best phrase I will never forget perhaps is that which was said by you. "You never know who's fallen in love with your smile." True, it's a phrase so strong that just remembering it, could get me smiling. To think that before you started to build a wall between us, I promised to entertain you, as you were feeling unhappy that day.

But I never did.

Then I remembered I said, "I sulk because I haven't understand. But when I do. I stopped." Yes, so I understand and I stopped. Then I saw that I said, "Real happiness is when you're able to accept what is meant for you, and not decide that they weren't meant for you." This, perhaps I've forgotten. But will remembering this help? Perhaps sometimes there're circumstances that you know what will be best for everyone. Then, I saw the only comment you left for me that day. I was really happy that day, I still am. Until now, I still don't know what to say after reading it. But yes, I think I shouldn't add on the the load anymore. It's time for you to soar as high as you can reach.


Define "Get over".
How long does it take? My guess is, the longer "that something" had stayed in your memory, the longer it takes. How do you do it? Just sit back and relax, think of how wonderful life still is without "that something". How painful can it gets? It's painless if you did it the right way.

So, Be brave! Spell the truth and habour the pain. Leave the tracks for the next corner to gain.

Thanks.
~Kaze

I'll wish you the best.

Gone, you're gone.
I don't know how long has it been.
I know I'm not over-reacting,
Coz now it proves that all's lost.

But it's ok, really.
I've gotten used to it long ago.
And I'll wish you the best.
May your life have more colors that I can paint.

Gone, she's gone.
If only I'm feeling any less sour.
I could have moved on and try to get over.
But I just can't stop thinking about her.

But I'm fine, really.
If only you'll smile like you've once did.
And I'll then sleep well,
Knowing that you're well.

Bird, or is it a "parrot"?
I wished you could talk to him.
He can't keep a secret but has a good memory,
And it's enough to bring your thoughts to me.

But you'll be fine, I know.
I'm an artist but I can't paint everything,
I can't paint a smile on your face.
So I wish you the best...
So I wish you the best...
And I'll wish you the best...

Thanks.
~Kaze

Look at Cayden!!

More photos from Zoo trip......

Group photo of Action city's staffs and related.

Look at that kangaroo scratching his..."ahem".

Nice little couple.

My sis holding on to her creation...

Cayden! What a nice smile...haha, I was taking his photo when he saw me smiling, so he just smile back...haha! CUTE! His smile is the Only Next One that could melt my heart.

Thanks.
~Kaze

Ah...Look at all the lonely people...

Ah, look at all the lonely people
Ah, look at all the lonely people

Eleanor Rigby picks up the rice in the church where a wedding has been
Lives in a dream
Waits at the window, wearing the face that she keeps in a jar by the door
Who is it for?

All the lonely people
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong?

Father McKenzie writing the words of a sermon that no one will hear
No one comes near
Look at him working, darning his socks in the night when there's nobody there
What does he care?

All the lonely people
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong?

Ah, look at all the lonely people
Ah, look at all the lonely people

Eleanor Rigby died in the church and was buried along with her name
Nobody came
Father McKenzie wiping the dirt from his hands as he walks from the grave
No one was saved

All the lonely people (Ah, look at all the lonely people)
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people (Ah, look at all the lonely people)
Where do they all belong?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
These are a few photos I took during the zoo trip on saturday...
Elephant trying to eat??? OMG, Do you see that small bird near him?

Kangaroo's foot VS our foot.

Me and my sis.

Action city's boss with his small little monkey out of his bag.

Punching a tiger statue, how great can it get?

Thanks.
~Kaze

The chicken and the porridge...

Was having lunch this afternoon at the coffee shop when I saw this old couple sitting next to my table...The husband ordered a bowl of porridge. But there was chives and those "brown colored thingy(onions i think)" which he doesn't like or want. I couldn't hear what they were saying, but the husband was giving quite a bad attitude towards his wife, wanting to ask his wife to get rid of it. His wife then unwillingly wipe the chives into her soup, and he then threw the rest into an empty bowl. He started stirring his porridge when his wife automatically "transferred" some(or all) of the shredded chicken from her Chicken Hor Fun to his porridge. Not a word of gratitude was uttered from his mouth or even his face. She did it willingly too, as I can see from her face. It got me thinking for that moment...It was a very normal actions spotted everywhere in the world, in Singapore. But I just can't stop thinking abt it. They ate finish and if I'm not wrong, the husband took out tissue, one for himself, and one for his wife. Then he started speaking, seems troubled. His wife listened, and listening was all she did. It got me thinking again... Is this what we call "Love"? or is it "Responsibility"? or "Habit"? or is it just ......"Life"...? No matter what it is...it seems to get them going...They're happy deep inside, I know... I wished I was them.

Thanks.
~Kaze

Zhu tou, Smile crazily...!

Just came home from a long day of outing. Sometimes I wonder what's wrong with me. Seriously, I think something about me is seriously wrong. I dunno why I made the matter worst, I really didn't have any intentions to argue...Perhaps it's the way I'm using my english. I shouldn't even try to explain anything without knowing how to put it across in the first place. I know it's impossible to explain anything clearly using all these high tech stuff...And you used to say you're stress being with him, and perhaps me too. I think you really are now. Getting upset over so much things isn't good, especially now when you're already sick. I really feel so bad now...Please take good care of yourself, don't make me worry k? I can bring you to a doctor if you ever need. I think you should just don't care about me now...And live a happy life instead. That's what I've always wanted, right from the start when I just started to know you.

That cheerful, crazy zhu tou has been long gone. I want to see it come back. And I thought I could continue to make you smile, but I didn't. And for all I wanted to say, is stay as happy as you can, just like you did, when you're taking photos with your friends recently. Just stop caring about me, I will understand. Perhaps next time I see you after the holidays, there's already someone out there who could really put on a permanent big smile on your face..."a face of the zhu tou I used to know"... When that time comes, I'll then sleep well, knowing you're well, And I'll wish you the best. :D Give you a really big hug, still as "Zhu tou"...HAha, mad.

Smile happily, gracefully, beautifully, elegantly, brightly, cheerfully, and not forgetting crazily...I like that one best...haha...

Just smile :D
Thanks.
~Kaze(forever your zhu tou, won't break this promise)

LALALALALA!!

Hah...yesterday I went to buy some new clothes, the whole day I was dreaming away...thinking of how to tell you...after seeing the post at your blog before I went out. I wanted to ask you out but didn't think you will come out...can't find a good reason to ask you out also. I ended up msging you, I dunno if everything's clear now...but i guess there're still some things I wanted to say...but i guess it doesn't make any difference...and might make the matter worst. Things like why I have all this thoughts and feelings...I put it across with just one short sentence. But actually wanted to say, perhaps you were right to have done wad you're doing, but I really needed time to adjust, to think we were so close before and suddenly you basically ignored me for 2 weeks, you would msg him in the mid of the night but not me anymore, until the 3rd week, it's becoming better...Everyday facing that cold side of you and don't know why or how...and I got no one to confide to, not even Sally, I didn't want to trouble anyone. I was so close to breaking down. Until the situation got better, and I started to realise perhaps time and space was what you wanted all along. I just didn't see it. Sorry. I really hope now everything's been made clear. I guess I was getting too close and you dodged with a good reason.

Haiz! anyway, spent quite alot(for me) buying those stupid clothes...stupid auntie keep saying designer lei, wear until like that...shouldn't have told her what i'm studying...damn! Say until the whole shop de ppl look at me...fuk sia. The clothes not bad, but wear le like quite skinny lei. Haha I bought two top, 1 jeans, 1 belt in the end...haha. Wanted to buy another piece of jeans but not enuff money T.T"' Haha, and guess where I'm going now?

HERE I COME! Singapore ZOO! ahaha, haven't been there for quite long...dunno how's it now...lalalalala...I really hope everything could be back to how it was still...but perhaps a new start was needed?

Thanks.
~Kaze

Crocodile Rock!! =)

Was listening to CD albums I bought recently, and found this catchy little song "Crocodile Rock" by Elton John...Just simply has the kick to get me going...especially that "Laaaa...lalalalala......lalalalala......" Haha.

Sigh, 18 days to my assessment. I don't look forward to it. Because it also marks the end of my foundation yr, and the end of this memorable semester...People's moving on, but I guess I'll still be staying behind for some time...When you're gone, I'm still here...

This is the Vivocity drawing of the Snowman we struggled to do, although I didn't ever looked forward to finishing it, coz I enjoyed drawing beside you. Haha, but I guess I should finish it, perhaps I will be hanging it up after the assessment... even if it's not perfect, it's meaningful...=)

Thanks.

~Kaze

"Do you have something to say to me?"

Today, you asked me this question again. Sometimes, I don't really know what more can I say to you. Should I ask "Why are you treating me like....I dunno, perhaps like how you used to treat him?" There's this high possibility you'll reply, "No, I'm not treating you like this." Just like how he asked you that time and you told him the same thing but in actual fact, everyone could see it clearly. When you saw something in a magazine, "Shida", "Shai" or other names is all I heard. When do I hear mine? "Kaze, pass me [ ]..." You know sometimes I don't even wanna hear you call my name, coz you don't used to call me "Kaze" if you havent noticed. Well, it'll just be a question with a predictable answer. Or should I ask if there's anything troubling you now? You will say "nothing" even if there is. Have you really lost that rashness and don't want to think about all these anymore? I'm guessing this is what's going on. If this is the case, it would be better if I stop pursuing any further. I really want to pretend everything's just as normal as it can get. So that all your worries will stop for the time being. Perhaps you know what I really want to say to you, if not you wouldn't have asked that question. I said "Nothing" even though my mind is full of unanswered questions. If I've asked you "do you like me?", what will the answer be?

Perhaps it was right to say "nothing". Seriously I don't want to see you frown the rest of the day after I've said something. I rather you spent the day smiling. Just seeing your smile from one corner is enough.

Thanks.
~Kaze

Take care, zhu tou...

Don't know how long more I could put on this smile everyday. Well, won't have much time left to see everybody anyway. And as for you, I guess you will be busy with work, and we'll just drift apart naturally. Perhaps you're just waiting for that time to come so you won't have to make a difficult decision. Well, you don't have to wait so long I guess, I've already stopped bothering you long time ago. What's the point of sending a message knowing that the reply will just makes me feel worst? What's the point of letting my tears come down again? Why is it that there's always a time in each day that my eyes are filled with tears? Nothing will change. If there's really nothing more I could do, I just hope you take good care of yourself...well, I don't even know you're sick now...We used to talk so much that I know about your sore throat naturally. But now...you can forget about me...But

Take care, zhu tou no. 2 =)
Thanks.
~Kaze

Goodbye.

Good night, sleep tight...
~Goodbye.

Thanks.
~Kaze

You're not the bad person...

Still done nothing...basically spent the night helping my friends with work. Now I don't know what to show my lecturer later. My printer's out of ink, and I got no papers, and the shop aren't opened yet. I'll have to go outta my house at 10+am if i want to go to my first lesson today, but I won't be able to print anything to show. Well what should I do then? Well perhaps not going is a better choice, at least I won't have to face that "icy cold you" and won't have to be looked at by anyone...well, it might not be my friends looking at me, but there're just so much grossiper in this class. I'm sure one of them is talking bad about us. They basically talked about anyone who get close to you...now even shairul is being "talked about". I don't know why, why are there such people in this world? I don't understand, couldn't they find a better hobby? Everyone else is seeing you as the person who caused all these, I don't like and don't want that to happen...so......

Thanks.
~Kaze

Cry for me

Can't believe I didn't do any work for the whole day...except some pasting and writing. I can't stop thinking...there used to be so much messages to keep me busy everyday. But now I don't even have to check on my phone coz I know it won't ring. Sometimes all I want to know is how are you...? Are you doing fine? Well I guess you are...perhaps I just feel so alone now, that's all. It's just an excuse to talk to you, or rather, hear your voice, just like you've asked me on the phone that day, "ni zhe ji tian guo de hai hao ma?" and when I asked why am I doing all the talking, you said you called to hear me talk. That's just how I'm feeling now. But I know what will happen if I've called you, I heard you talking on the phone with other people, and so far all phone calls didn't lasted as long as the one we've had...... I know the more we carry on this silence, we will ultimately become strangers in the years to come. There's so much I wanna say, so much I wanna ask, but I know I won't get the answer I want. Thinking back, you used to encourage me to tell the person I like bravely, and for you, you can still be friends with that person even if you two can't be together. Well, I certainly hope so...but well, then again, how am I gonna forget you if this is the case? People asking me to give up, and this song on my blog just sing out how I feel..."Be be your love"

Something I wrote:

It wasn't a surprise I went alone,
It's been a long time since I go for a walk on my own.
It was raining whole day long,
And so I begin my journey stepping on the water.
Rain poured on me but I wasn't frightened,
For there's nothing for me to fear.
They felt that loneliness inside me and they took pity on me,
They cried for me.

Oh, this day I have not fallen,
For I'm still not alone.
I could see no one,
But I know there's someone out there crying for me.

I continued my journey walking on the lonely streets.
Among the crowd, I think,
What am I doing here?
Why do I head north, when I don't even know where I want to go?
I took photos of places I've been,
But I've found no where that I belong.
I looked at everyone around me,
But still, I can't find that person I want to meet,
That someone who's crying for me.

Oh, god, surely I believe in you,
But where are you tonight?
Why did you desert me,
Like how everyone did?

Oh, god, if you really does exist,
Can you even hear me weeps?
It seems like nobody could hear my cry,
For my heart has no throat.
Perhaps, it had just died.

Thanks.
~Kaze

Under my skin

The whole day I've waited for the rain to stop...but it didn't. Yes, I was feeling down...Well, how glad can I be? I SERIOUSLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT EVERYONE'S THINKING!!! DON'T HIDE PLEASE!! EVERYONE!






I hesitate to say I was bait for you

Could that be something that you all would do

I'd be lying if I did now say I wasn't intrigued

But timing is everything here

And for the moment the 'we' is reprieved

But, as I watch the girl unfold before my eyes,

I discover that I like her


Would you please get out from under my skin

'Cause I can't begin this yet

And I don't know what my intentions are

They're speaking in a different tongue

And deep inside, I'm not as tough as I seem

But I won't let you know

Until it's right, I'm gonna stay my distance

And you should go


I'm in the dance, and it's a chance,

But stay and watch awhile

I'll be singing a tune just for you with a smile

And maybe, if I'm lucky

You'll tip your hat to me, and you'll discover

That you like her


Would you please get out from under my skin

For I can't begin this yet

And I don't know what my intentions are

They're speaking in a different tongue

And deep inside, I'm not as tough as I seem

But I won't let you know

Until it's right, I'm gonna stay my distance

And you should go


Crazy as it all plays out

I think I'm lonelier than I've ever been before

'Cause I was so close

To going through that door

But I don't want to be to blame for them

I don't want to be to blame


Would you please get out from under my skin

'Cause I can't begin this yet

And I don't know what my intentions are

They're speaking in a different tongue

And deep inside, I'm not as tough as I seem

But I won't let you know

Until it's right, I'm gonna stay my distance

And you should go, go, go

Oh, would you please get out

I'm not as strong as I seem, but I won't let you know


Thanks.
~Kaze